Flamethrøwer
New Member
((Please specify which items, as you would in a computer game))
Need advice
- Thread starter Flamethrøwer
- Start date
Ortheas
New Member
< Impale raccoon on plunger and stand up in driveway. Use ink pen to write "Abandon hope all ye who enter here" on shower curtain and affix to garage door using coat hangers.
Flamethrøwer
New Member
You can't be everywhere at once. You're torn between staying and guarding the house or actively searching for Whatever made the noise. Maybe if you could set up some kind of warning to would-be intruders that you mean business...?
So far the most heroic thing you've done was slay this raccoon, whose only crime was a love of garbage. Not wanting to waste the animal completely, you remove him from the plunger and suction the plunger onto your concrete driveway, just in front of your garage door. You take the raccoon, and impale him upside-down onto the plunger. You open his mouth to get the most menacing effect possible.
Just in case the raccoon were not a clear enough message, you go for the straightforward approach. You get out your ink pen and scrawl the words "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here" on your shower curtain. You try to write the words in a large and foreboding font, but when you're done, it just looks like a 6 year old had written it.
You hook the hangers through the holes of the shower curtain, and try wedging them in between the garage door and the wall.
Not really working.
After a few moments, you realize the magnets on the shower curtain do a fine job of holding the curtain to the metal door, and you don't need to use your hangers after all. You stand back, and look at your macabre creation. You rough up the edges of the shower curtain just for effect.
This is sure to scare EVERYONE off.
You wonder if the 7 and 8 year old neighbor kids happen to be looking out the window...
This will probably earn you at least a few days of peace and quiet.
=============================================
CHARACTER SCREEN:
You are wielding [Pink Spiky Shield].
You are wielding [Barbed Bat].
You are wearing [Gym Shorts].
You are wearing [Black Winter Hat].
You are wearing [Tacky Tie].
You are wearing [Wedding Ring].
You are wearing [Light Backpack] (7 slots filled/10 available).
Your health is at 95%
Your energy is at 60%
You are Intimidating.
INVENTORY:
You have two (2) [Plastic Coat Hanger].
You have one (1) [Ink Pen].
You have one (1) [Bottle of Urine].
You have one (1) [Tube of Toothpaste].
You have two (2) [Toothbrush].
You have one (1) [Nail Nippers].
You have one (1) [Can of Hairspray].
=============================================
>
Ortheas
New Member
"This will probably earn you at least a few days of peace and quiet."
Or at least until the police come and take you to the loony bin.
Or at least until the police come and take you to the loony bin.
john3610
New Member
>retreat inside to assess the situation and finally examine the basement
Flamethrøwer
New Member
Having satisfactorily defended the exterior of your home, you turn to go back inside. The way the streetlight catches the eyes of the dead raccoon, mouth agape... you couldn't have set it better.
You creep back into the remains of your Dining Room, carefully making your way to the staircase. You step to the top of the stairs and look down. To your right is the kitchen, to the left is the Dining Room, the staircase to the basement yawns out in front of you.
It is utterly black.
The darkness is so thick you can feel it wrapping around you, embracing you with it's cold, clammy arms, as if welcoming you to an underground respite from the land of the living.
With each step, you become more enveloped in the darkness. An unworldly silence inhabits this place. You reach the bottom of the stairs, your bare feet flinching from the cold of the cement.
You take a deep breath and you can feel the darkness in your lungs, penetrating your soul. You can neither see nor hear anything.
>
Sheckle
New Member
>Gaurd yourself with Pink Spikey Shield and have your trigger finger on the hairspray.
>Turn on the light.
>Turn on the light.
Flamethrøwer
New Member
Sitting in the depths of this manmade cavern, you are quickly losing your composure. Your [Pink Spiky Shield], of which you were so proud just moments ago, now seems flimsy and awkward. Nevertheless, you pull it close to yourself and hold it tight. Not knowing what awaits you in the darkness, you opt to put away your [Barbed Bat] for now, and wield your [Can of Hairspray]. You ready your trigger finger on the sprayer, and reach for the light.
The darkness that was so intimidating just a moment ago immediately retreats and peeks out from behind boxes and within closets. Manufactured light floods half the room, leaving the other half a dark silhouette of horrifying possibilities.
You can't decide if you like it better with the light on or off.
Looking around, you see piles of boxes, some blank, some with words proudly announcing the holiday for which they were intended. You see some boxes in distinct piles - some are marked 'Fall', some marked 'Christmas', some marked 'Yard Sale'. Also in this room is a gun cabinet, a dehumidifier, an oscillating fan, a hammer, a screwdriver, and a pair of safety goggles.
You also note that from this room are 5 doorways:
The Laundry Room is to your left.
Fjord's Room is straight ahead.
The Scary Closet (this was named in full daylight, and it's scariness is only multiplied at night) is to your right.
Another closet is behind you, along with the staircase you just descended.
=============================================
CHARACTER SCREEN:
You are wielding [Pink Spiky Shield].
You are wielding [Can of Hairspray].
You are wearing [Gym Shorts].
You are wearing [Black Winter Hat].
You are wearing [Tacky Tie].
You are wearing [Wedding Ring].
You are wearing [Light Backpack] (7 slots filled/10 available).
Your health is at 95%
Your energy is at 65%
You are Intimidating.
INVENTORY:
You have two (2) [Plastic Coat Hanger].
You have one (1) [Ink Pen].
You have one (1) [Bottle of Urine].
You have one (1) [Tube of Toothpaste].
You have two (2) [Toothbrush].
You have one (1) [Nail Nippers].
You have one (1) [Barbed Bat].
=============================================
>
Last edited:
Mordos
New Member
>get pair of safety goggles
>Equip pair of safety goggles
>Equip pair of safety goggles
Flamethrøwer
New Member
First things first.
Goggles. You do love a good pair of goggles in WoW, and you may as well have some now. You grab the goggles and put them on underneath your stylish [Black Winter Hat] and [Tacky Tie] combo.
You receive item [Safety Goggles]!
Eyes sufficiently protected, you are ready to take on just about anything.
=============================================
CHARACTER SCREEN:
You are wielding [Pink Spiky Shield].
You are wielding [Can of Hairspray].
You are wearing [Gym Shorts].
You are wearing [Black Winter Hat].
You are wearing [Tacky Tie].
You are wearing [Safety Goggles].
You are wearing [Wedding Ring].
You are wearing [Light Backpack] (7 slots filled/10 available).
Your health is at 95%
Your energy is at 65%
You are Intimidating.
INVENTORY:
You have two (2) [Plastic Coat Hanger].
You have one (1) [Ink Pen].
You have one (1) [Bottle of Urine].
You have one (1) [Tube of Toothpaste].
You have two (2) [Toothbrush].
You have one (1) [Nail Nippers].
You have one (1) [Barbed Bat].
=============================================
>
Sheckle
New Member
>Think about what your wife might be doing after your little encounter.
Flamethrøwer
New Member
You don't hear much noise coming from upstairs. You strain your ears to try and make out something definitive. Just a few random floor creaks. Your wife would probably be too scared to come back down from the upstairs bedroom, and you're sure to get some sort of beating or just scare her further if you try to go up in your condition.
If she has her phone, she is sure to have called the police. She usually takes it up on weeknights as her alarm clock, but this is Friday night. It's a toss-up as to whether or not she has her phone. You guess you'll find out soon enough.
>
john3610
New Member
>go outside and see if the police are coming
Flamethrøwer
New Member
You run back up the stairs and out the side door into the driveway. You look to the right and the left - nothing to the left but front yard and a dimly lit street. A streetlight buzzes incessantly overhead, with various moths and flies dancing out their excited approval.
To the right, you see your morbid threat, clearly visible from the street. The raccoon still has his mouth still open in a neverending scream.
Everything else is silent. No signs of police or anyone else.
Straight ahead is the neighbor's house.
Behind you is the basement.
To your left is the front yard.
To the right is the backyard.
>
john3610
New Member
Flamethrøwer
New Member
You decide that, while you have done some odd things, they have all been legal to this point. You think. You'll look into the raccoon thing later.
Should the police eventually arrive, you decide to keep yourself blameless.
You elect not to invade your neighbor's property. In fact, it may be a good idea to avoid line of sight as well. Two small children live there, and you look like death incarnate.
>
Angryson
New Member
>Resweep backyard as you re-enter your house
Flamethrøwer
New Member
You turn to the right and head to the backyard again. As you walk toward your shower curtain...threat?, the raccoon becomes more and more deafening. You have to look away. As you enter the backyard, you examine the ground more carefully to look for signs of anything that might be useful to you. A few clumps of grass clippings litter the ground, the dew causing some to stick to your bare feet. On your way up to the house, you pass two Tiki torches by the deck, left over from your last barbecue. Also on the deck are a grill, a patio table, four patio chairs, an umbrella for the table, and a screwdriver. You don't remember why the screwdriver is out here, but it is clearly not where it belongs.
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Engris
New Member
>you try to find your grilling tongs, they could prove useful in the near future...
>you examine the umbrella, seeing if it could be used as a better shield
>you examine the umbrella, seeing if it could be used as a better shield
Flamethrøwer
New Member
You turn your attention to the grill. Removing the Ohio State cover that shrouds it, you can now get a closer look at it and it's contents. The grill has all the parts a normal grill has - igniter, burners, some blackened grills, wiring, and a propane tank, recently filled. You see no sign of tongs or any other cooking utensils however.
You examine the deck umbrella, taking it out of it's hole in the table, and holding it sideways. It's easily taller than you, and you don't see how you would be able to wield this as a proper shield. Plus the cloth material does not look capable of stopping anything. You elect to stick with your [Pink Spiky Shield].