End of 2010 begins 2011 TENS are IN
Click of a bolt, jack of a magazine, that’s when I knew they had it in for me. I stood up quickly wondering what’s going on, then flick of a switch and three flashlights came on.
Now I knew I had no place to go so I let my mouth go to get flipped in the nose interrupting my “I want to know” with the center one saying “Five oh funny boy, and that’s all you’ll need to know! Sit him down Dano!”
“Whoa hoe hoe like this can’t be so You‘re an old TV show? What next you know? The three amigo‘s?” I smart off as a hand eases me down.
Blocking my TV view he says “Don’t be playing a fool slim. You know why we‘re here, so wipe off that smile and relax in that easy chair.”
Remotely I set record so not to miss my show and let him know, “Jack, I’m all in. Information’s lagging, tail’s a dragging seems things haven’t caught up with me.” So I think you should know I have a dog you know and if you wake him you’ll have to go. You know?“ pushing cc to silence things.
“Not to worry slim I’m holding all the cards here and have the ace right in here” He says with a sneer high lighting his pocket full of treats, “And I‘m standing buddy boy, and you‘re there, taking a seat!” slapping the remote from my hand and saying “Tag him Dano!”
“It’s a go.” Dano replies letting go of my shoulder and asking. “A home movie?” . Unable to see the TV I smartly reply “Duh it’s an old movie” dragging out the last word as my eyes drifted up to his smile and as our eyes met, he gives a wink and I pass out cold!
“How did we do Dano? Is he out?” asks a solitary shadow of man silhouetted by a TV‘s light.
“He’s out cold Jack but I’m not sure of what I’m seeing. It seems our only connection to him is a phone number on the TV. It says call 255 636 7446 and say tens are in to complete connection.“ informs Dano.
“Let’s just see if his firewall can keep a story from me.“ Jack says stepping beside the TV and opening a cell phone repeating 255 636 7446 as he dials. He lifts it to his ear and says “If this is what I takes to get in then you can bet I’m calling him.”
[“This is slim, ten‘s are in, man I‘m glad you called.”]
Covering the phone Jack exclaims “Hey guys, this dude on the phone says he‘s slim!”
Dano rubs the top of the unconscious man’s head and says “That means your almost in.”.
“But I thought he was slim?” the third man questions.
Jack waves his finger at the two and says “See if you can wipe off his smile, it‘s creeping me” then clicks his light off and adds “He’s out cold and we have his twin and all I know to do is have some fun with him.“ lifting the phone to his ear.
“There’s something in his smile and I‘m not messing with it. You do it Louie! ” one of the men humorously replies nudging the other that counters “No not me Dano, I’m watching his home movie.”
“Tens are in?”
{CLICK}
“What do I have to do now Dano?” Jack asks covering the phone.
“”I don’t know Jack. Start talking and see if he talks back.” came the answer as a matter of fact.
“What’s a ten slim?” The Jack asks illuminating the unconscious mans face then off, chuckles and says “ I have extra time, so start at the beginning and tell me what‘s a ten, and what they’re in?” stepping in front of the TV.
“Hey Jack move out of the way the movie’s starting and we can’t see the TV” Louie complains and Dano adds, “He don’t know Jack.” “That’s a fact.” came a confirming comment as Jack moves.
[Funny how it started when I cut cards to walk Buzz the bulldog and I drew a ten of hearts]
“So drawing a ten is in or is it walking the dog slim?”
Louie asks “Where’s the remote to remove the close captioning, I forgot my glasses and can’t read the screen.” Dano replies “I don’t know. Jack smacked it.” shining his light around the floor.
[and I was beat by the queen of hearts. So I decide the nature park was the place run him through so I wouldn‘t have to pick up his poo.]
“Ew, nobody likes picking up poo.”
[So I buckle Buzz in the car and proceed silently towards the park.]
“That dog buckled in just like people.” Louie points out and Dano adds “Yeah. Look he even slobbers up side windows like you Lou.”
[Dead quiet, windows up, air-conditioner rolling, and without warning]
“Warning? Warning for what slim?” Jack asks.
[my eyes water and I gasp for air because of the dogs silent and deadly gas. I roll down both windows and turn on to the toll way]
“Did you just see that dog turn back and smile at him?” Louie asks.
“Yeah and get a load of this guys facial expressions. Looks like he’s about to spew. Hilarious!” Dano answers.
[and in to a long line cars at the toll booth.]
“That stinks but can you get on with this?” Jack states.
[Unintentionally I turn on the radio at full volume and “Highway to Hell” blares out and unfortunately from the smell I corrected it to late for Buzz.]
“Did you see that dog jump? Louie asks and Dano confirms adding “Yeah and look at the horror on both their faces. This is priceless.”.
“That would’ve scared the poo out of me too!” Jack says clicking his light on to the smiling face of the unconscious man then back off.
[Intentionally leaning out the window of the car I pay a toll booth collector and drive unhindered to the park.]
Louie inquires “What I want to know is, who is running the camera?”
“Good question.” Dano answers.
“This is boring slim and has nothing to do with a ten or what ever their in.”
[The dog tumbles out the door from self inflicted gas exhaustion and I use the advantage to clip his leash. Upon his recovery I become a human pinball being bounced from trees, bushes, bicycle rack, then off to the races down the main trail]
“Now I know somebody is running the camera? Look, now they’re going fast forward.” Louie adds and ignoring the comment Dano laughs “This is so funny.”
“I’m not impressed and I’m about to pull the plug on this mess” says Jack.
[Fast walking, no sniffing means no Buzz bomb. Hope lied on a new narrow trail]
“See, now the camera is slowing down” Louie says.
“Buzz bomb?” asks Jack.
[to release his number two.]
“So we go from drawing a card, a toll road, and now dog poo? Come on slim this won‘t do.”
[Finally we come to rest in immaculately groomed grounds under an apple tree next to a basket of apples.]
“So how does an apple tree in the park prove anything?”
[I take an apple and leave my last dollar.]
“Wouldn’t be forbidden if you paid for it huh slim?”
“That basket of apples makes me hungry” Louie says and Dano replies “ You‘re always hungry Louie.”
[I bit into the apple and saw a flash of light]
“Oh ho! So we have a card, toll way, dog poo, poisoned apples, and flashing lights. What next slim? UFO‘s?.” Jack says ignoring the two men’s comments and their interest in the TV show,
“I’m curious what that flash was.” Louie inquires and Dano confirms “What ever it was it got his dog’s attention. Look at them two go!”.
[that pulls me to a clearing where four men, two sitting and two standing gathered opposites at a picnic table.]
“Say, that fellow sitting down I swear would look just like Santa Clause if he had on a red suit! And check out his side kick.” Louie comments as Dano adds “A barefoot long hair guy in a black with white polka dots shirt and tie-dyed pajama bottoms. An awesome combo!”
“Adding four men don’t make a ten slim.” Jack replies.
[Behind the man in black a flashy red suit guy in front of a boom box was pumping up a full house that blended into the dark tree line.]
“I wonder why they’re partying?” Louie inquires and Dano replies “I don’t know Louie, let’s wait and see.”
[Behind the other two was a grand opening of scattered tree’s, chirping birds, flowers and what not’s highlighted by the rising sun.]
“How come nobody’s behind the hippie and Santa guy?” Louie asks and Dano notices “I don’t know but look at that beautiful sunrise.”
“Come on slim, I don’t see where tens are in” Jack states.
“How come no one is smiling? Even the party animals are smug.” Louie asks to get no reply.
[I ask “What’s going on!” and everybody stops and turns to stare at me.]
“Whoa dude, he got their attention huh?" Louie asks as Dano replies “ He sure did and look at the sunrise now.”
"Wowzers man, that whole area has eyeballs and their all staring at him. Kind of creepy.” Louie notices with Dano adding “ I see cloaked people blending in perfectly.”
[The two men standing began walking toward me. The party animals turned back to their party as the silent ones turned back facing them. After chomping a big bite out of the apple I ask again “What’s going on?“ and hear “It’s a poker game slim” and “That we’re winning!”]
“Wait a minute slim! A poker game? And how did they know your name?”
[Surprised at my name and the sudden attention I accidentally drop the dog’s leash and he waddles towards the party side as sparkly suit comments “See even your dog knows who’s side to be on.” and holds out his hand adding “It’s nice to meet you slim, I’m Ace, Ace Diamond.”]
“That guys shirt doesn’t have polka dots! They’re little white hearts that glow.” Louie notices and Dano adds “Like stars over a rainbow.”
[I shook Ace’s hand as he comments “Come on over to our side and celebrate slim.” and he pats me on the back. I let go as the other man holds out his hand and says “slim, I’m King, King of Hearts. I shook his hand as Ace comments “He’s a king all right but it’s of no matter because we’re going to win.” Ignoring that comment King says “We’ll take the call and raise anytime you want in slim.” I look back thinking a hasty retreat because of the craziness and the trail suddenly closes up. King saw that I looked back and comments “It’s not your time yet slim but the fact remains is that you can’t go back, no matter the choice you make.”]
“Check out the cards played on the table” Louie points out and Dano confirms “ I see a ace of diamonds and a king, queen, jack of hearts.” Louie queries “I wonder what cards their holding and what the next card will be?” and Dano replies “It’s obvious neither is folding so let’s wait and see.”
“How appropriate slim, names of people as cards in a poker game. Sounds like you’re dreaming and a ten I’m not seeing.” Jack informs.
[ Keeping a close eye on Buzz I ask “So can I see what cards they’re holding before I decide where I’m going?” Gesturing to the two sitting men. Ace comments “Nope, not until you chose! But you can see we’re winning so come on over and join the winning team!“]
“Mathematically I see a four of a kind, a flush, a straight, a straight flush and a full house.” Louie comments quickly as Dano casually replies “And I know how this turns out.”
[I see Buzz seriously sniffing the ground and knew I didn’t have much time to mess around so I ask, “What’s in it for me when I choose where I want to be?” and Ace instantly replies “All you have to do is come over and I’ll make you my number two,”]
“So he wants you next to him slim?” Jack adds.
[ and you’ll see he‘s bluffing! So think you and me for eternity! ” I ask “You‘re joking with me? Forever and eternity?“ and then ask King “Ok fine then, what’s the best you can make me?“ He asks “How about I make you perfect once again as a ten slim“]
“So this is where a ten comes in slim?” Jack asks?
Did you see that red suit dude sneer and wave him away as he walked away?” Louie asks and Dano answers “Yeah and King winking at him.”
[“Excuse me slim we have a call and have to raise.” Suddenly an old man with a cane enters the clearing and without hesitation King, the old man and the silent group smiles so large and so bindingly bright coupled with beautiful music that I couldn’t help smiling too! I turned to face the grimacing and cowering party animals and there was Buzz facing us smiling and squinting leaving his bomb right were they were dancing!]
“Oh my Gosh slim!” Jack says.
“Look, that dog is smiling too as he leaves a pile of poo” comments Louie.
[They stop smiling and the party resumes as the old man drops his cane and blends into the silent group. King walks back over to me and asks “What’s it going to be slim, him or me? I grimace because I knew what to do as Ace walks back with poo on his shoe threatening me to be his number two, “Last chance slim to be what your meant to be.” “Well if I have to choose then I want to be a ten with him and not a two with you and look like a fool with poo on my shoe” I answer confidently and he abruptly turns away as King takes my apple away and says “Welcome to the royal family!” Suddenly I was pulled into the not so silent group behind the old man as King went back beside the old man. A beautiful red dressed woman within the group chirps “Here we go again! Make ready everybody” as two backpackers enter the clearing. I hear “I raise you two tens” and the old man smiles followed by everyone beside me so of course I smiled too and to my dismay there was Buzz facing us grinning leaving yet another number two.]
“So tens are in a poker game slim or is it because poo for twos that won‘t do?”
[I hear the lady in red saying “Oh no no no this won’t do somebody is out of tune” and she walks down the line and stops dead in front of me and adds “and it’s you!” I couldn’t stop smiling because I could see the old man was holding an ace and ten of hearts and I knew right then he wasn’t bluffing when she says “There‘s something in his smile that’s got us out of tune! Jack escort him to the back.” and suddenly I was jostled to and fro and the next thing I know I was standing on the nature trail lined by trees and there was Buzz with his leash over a limb”
“A fantastic story slim! Kings, queens, jacks and ace adding tens, apples in even to poo on shoes but this still won’t do and honestly I’m through with you” Jack says emphatically!
[Convinced I was dreaming and lapsed in memory I grabbed Buzz’s leash and beat it out of there. We quickly pile in the car and I hit the toll way! Unable to stop smiling I see the toll booth sign flashing Open and as I reach for my wallet my smile increases at it’s empty contents. Chuckling I say “I thought I was dreaming but maybe I should’ve kept that dollar Buzz” pulling to a stop at the toll booth hopeless to poker face an explanation on how I had spent my last dollar, when I noticed his smile. “Whoa” I say cheesing right back and as I began to speak and explain he points at me with his toothy smile a gleaming and says “Go on through! It’s your lucky day the fee’s been paid and by the way you have something in his smile!”
Looking in the rearview mirror I notice my eyes bugging out from all the smiling and an apple peel. “I’ve been cheesing all this time like this” I snicker.]
“Get real slim an apple peel?” Jack asks flicking his light on the smiling unconscious man.
{CLICK}
“Ah Jack we have a problem here!” Louie adds.
“Why’s that? Jack asks and turns around as Louie informs “Because we’re seeing you on his TV screen!” and Dano adds “And it’s still recording!”
“Well shut that thing down and get the tape and we’ll make our escape although his story won’t do!” Jack commands then gasps “Ew who let one? Was it you or you?” shining his light at Dano then at Lou.
“Wasn’t us” Louie says adding “Maybe it was his dog you know.”
“All I know is there is no tape and he’s waking up so maybe we should go” informs Dano.
Jack shines his light around the room and see’s a fat bulldog standing on the remote smiling at him and say’s “Oh man I think we better scram and we’ll be back to get slim another day” as the three beat it out the door.
I wake up with a head ache probably from the horrible smell and I see Buzz sitting on the remote when to my disgust I see my brand new unread large print readers digest rolled up on the floor. Something else didn’t seem right when I see a poker game on my TV and hear “Why’s he keep raising Jack?” “I guess he’s holding for all the tens he can get Lou!” “Well we can see he has a Royal Flush against a probable full house and the last card still hasn’t been played! “Yeah so true Lou” “How about we take the next ten callers Dano and if they say tens are in they win the new album from poker faced smiles that features the resounding hit “On earth as it is heaven”? “Sure thing Lou! You heard him call 255 636 7446 and say tens are in and win!”
I change the TV channel confused how I ended up on this channel and why it stopped recording. I roll my tongue over my teeth and felt something in them as I rewind to watch my show Hawaii Five Oh! My eyes grew wide when I picked out a piece of apple peel and began watching the recording.
Confident smile or bluffing smile? Tens are in or poo for twos, it’s up to you to choose! But I can see it’s all about he’s still holding on for your call! Folding losing hands and calling is seeing that Tens are in! Perfect once again!
hehehe believe me? Call!