In the Words of a Gerbil...

Good Evening! Do I have the honor of addressing the man/woman of the house?
Well have I got a deal for you. It slices it dices it's the one and only Toj TF2 game night.
No doubt you've seen similar products on television but don't be deceived.
Other games may let you burn, explode and stab your way to a better you but do they let you do it WHILE quoting the latest memes and puns in a fashionable hat? I think not!
If you were in eastern Kazakhstan this game would cost you as much as 1000 Kazakhstani tenge!
If you were in Pakistan you would pay as much as 1000 rupees!
If you were in Star Trek you would pay millions of Quatloos!
If you were in Iran you would be shot!
Tell ya what I'ma gonna do. Join Toj TF2 right now and you can have this fantabulous product absolutely free!



Fine print: In game redemption costs an arm and a leg, literary.

Quatloos, a currency used for gambling in the Star Trek episode "The Gamesters of Triskelion".

 
Last night on "The Waking Dead"

Argggh stupid Valve program crashing!
Now my game is not loading light maps for any map, even stock!
Why won't it duplicate correctly anymore T_T.
So that's a new bug...
AHHHH I been up all night trying to fix this it needs to work in an hour!
CLUDGE, CLUDGE, CLUDGE!

...And that's how new maps and zombie mappers are born kids! All the drama and violence of a TV show, none of the soap opera!

Toj TF2 game night starting now, featuring a slightly updated version of koth Tug-O-War which may or may not work dum, dum, DUM!

Ok so sue me the soap opera ending happened anyway XD.
 
A primal and guttural cry is once again is heard across the internet...

Thunder! THUNDER! THUNDER! TOJ NIGHT HO!

Toj are on the server
Toj are loose
Wear the Hats
Hear the spam
Toj are loose

Will you head the call?
Toj TF2 Night Starts now!

We really need a Toj spotlight I can shine in the clouds but it's not in the budget.

I can't say I really liked Thundercats but the into was memorable.

 
Toj TF2 game night where all your dreams can come true!... if they involve hats, high explosives and hi-jinks!
 
No time for witty repartee so I'll just hold a flamethrower to Raysoul's feet until people come save him. He's crying help me, help me! Can you be so cold as to abandon him! Join Toj TF2 game night now and save a Raysoul, for the children!

...and Raysoul joins the lofty ranks of players immortalized in spam :p .
 
/applies shady accent
Psst hey man.
You over there at the computer man.
Yeah YOU the funny looking one man.
I've got some good stuff here man.
It's called Toj TF2 Game Night man and it's like craaaazy man.
U got diz Soldier dude whoz all like BLAM and you're all blown up and stuff man.
A little scrawny dude who is one tough hombre. Let your guard down around him and it's game over, it's like game over man.
Then there is the loco Pyro he is all like PFFFFFF and you are like crispy all over man.
One guy he's got like a shiv and will shank you good if you don't watch your back man.

You gotta get in here to see it to believe it man.

The preceding was Gabe Newell's unpublished first draft describing TF2 before sending it to marketing...
...
...
...
...
...
...
... man.
 
/William Tell Overture
The Lone Game Night
A fiery Pyro with the speed of fight
A cloud of gas and a hearty hi there kill-ya
The Lone Toj TF2 Game Night!

Begins now kemosabi!

For reference...
 
/100% original motivational speech

Do it
Just join it

Don't let your memes be dreams
Yesterday you said tomorrow I'll play
So just join it
Make your memes come true
Just join it

Some people dream of playing TF2
While you're gonna load up and hardly work at it
Avoiding it is impossible

You should get to the capture point
Where anyone else would quit
And you're not going to stop there you're going to spawn camp
So, what are you waiting for?

Do it
Just join Toj TF2 game night
Yes you can pull up that server browser
Just join it
If you're tired of starting over with a brand new game
Start loading up TF2

/remember motivation is calculated by how many blood vessels you can pop multiplied by how far you can cross your eyes while doing it.

The 100% original motivational speech's inspiration...


Be inspired OR ELSE!
 
Hello listener it's time once again to relax to the soulful melodic tunes of station TOJTF2 playing only the best in classic gaming. We'll start things off with Jerry Lee Lewis's lesser known hit "Goodness gracious great I'm on fire" followed by some classic O'Jays "Back Stabbers". All tonight on the classiest classic Toj TF2 game night show.

References...



I always wanted to make a TF2 Spy Machinima with that song, because it's perfect for it, but I never got around to it :( . Ah well Youtube would probably flag it if it got popular anyway XD .
 
It has occurred to me that TF2 is being marketed totally incorrectly for modern times.
With that in mind don't be satisfied with bland chat programs like Discord or Mumble use fully featured "TF2 chat".

*Bland chat programs allow you to disagree with scalding replies.
*TF2 Chat allows you to disagree with scalding fire.

*Bland chat programs allow you to use 2-D emojis.
*TF2 Chat allows full body emotes in all 3 dimensions, with sound, and you can kill people with them. Which conveys feelings better :( or death?

*Bland chat programs allow you to change your profile picture.
*TF2 Chat allows you change your profile picture and to wear any hat of your choice... while killing people.

In nearly every social situation TF2 chat allows you to express yourself with 90% more death, and dancing, than other chat programs. Don't use flat archaic chat programs that don't even let you kill your friends. Join Toj TF2uesday right now to experience the future of chat technology today!

I can't remember which came first. If it was me, or Tek could have, saying TF2 Toj was basically now a "chat room with guns" or if this spam inspired Toj's own personal meme. Ah well all greatness has an element of mystery! :p
 
/sings Pure Imagination from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

Come with me and you'll be
In a world of TF2 participation
Play a Pyro and you'll see some incineration
Just begin join right in
Playing on a map of my creation
What we'll see will defy completion

If you want to play a custom map
Simply make a request and do it
Any class you want to play, choose it
Want to change your loadout?
There's nothing to it

There is no game I know
To compare with TF2 participation
Playing there, you'll be free, if you truly wish to be



...but I'm still not playing a tilted map :p .

So you too can get it stuck in your head...

 
/Twilight Zone do do do do, do do do do, do do do do

There is an unknown game night beyond which is known to newbies. It is a night as vast as the custom maps made for it and as timeless as the memes in it. It is the middle ground between "there is nothing good new to play" and "I really want to avoid doing something else", between FPS and hat simulator, and it lies between the pit on ctf Doublecross and the summit of pl Upward. It is a game of imagination, and hats, but mainly hats. It is an area of the internet which we call Toj TF2 game night.

Plot twist you were at home the entire time you were playing O.O !

If you aren't hearing a Rod Serling voice when you read it...


There were multiple intros to the show over the years but the above is the one the spam parodies.
 
I'm Mighty Gerbil come with me as we explore our Wild Team Fortress 2.

Take the "Medic". A paranoid creature he never feels safe unless under the watchful gaze of the herd. It's a good thing too because a natural predator of the Medic is the "Spy". Lacking the strength of his competition this distant relative of the chameleon uses many guises and a sting which can kill in a single strike. In the food chain even this predator has hunters like the mysterious "Pyro" platypus of the TF2 world. It survives in a symbiotic relationship with the Medic. It consumes, in fire, predators who would harm it's Medic and in return the Medic grooms the Pyro with healing buffs. A social greeting it will "puff" members of it's herd to verify their membership. Marvel at the "Demo" who given the right evolution stone can evolve into the exotic "Demo Knight". So many more natural wonders exist in the TF2 world from the endangered "Spy Crab" to the common "Annoying Sniper".

Join me to observe the many varied classes in their natural habitat of TF2 Toj Game Night.

Reference...


I remember Wild America being on TV on many a late night of my childhood.
 
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/ring, ring

Hello am I speaking to the Sir/Madam/Mammal of the house? May I interest you in a TF2 timeshare.
Yes share your time on TF2 and you'll get dividends of fun. I can put you in a brand new jet pack Pyro for only two hours grind down right now. It has a scenic view of the battlefield with beautiful burning red horizons that are to die for!
Flamethrowers sell things right?

This is a limited time offer join now before all player slots are taken. Our operators are standing by to take your life right now!

Act now and we'll throw in eight other classes and a complimentary cheese grater.

The cheese grater is still in the mail don't get the Feds on me! T_T :p
 
What is the sound of one player re-spawning...
If a Market Gardener Soldier falls in a forest and no one is around to hit does he make a crit...
Which came first the Heavy's Chicken Kiev or the all class Egg Basket...
Have deep burning questions about life? Avoid them all by playing Toj TF2 Game Night where violence is the answer to everything!

Mentioned items...
wiki.teamfortress.com

Chicken Kiev - Official TF2 Wiki | Official Team Fortress Wiki

wiki.teamfortress.com wiki.teamfortress.com
...and the...
https://wiki.teamfortress.com/wiki/Team_Fortress_Wiki:April_Fools'_Day/2013/Egg_Basket which doesn't actually exist :p .
 
/dons Irish accent
Ah what'll I do those kids are after my TF2s again.
With it's Exploding Demos, Burning Pyros and Stabin' Spies they canna' get enough.
What's more each cereal (killer) comes topped with a tasty hat in all the colors of the rainbow.
TF2 Toj game night is part of a complete breakfast with all the important memes a growing lad needs.

Join now! It's casually propitious!

...and for those who don't know the Lucky Charms ads that have run for like 30 years...

 
Request it.
Play it.
Stab them.
Change it.

Request it.
Play it.
Stab them.
Change it.

Wait what? Invite? Toj TF2 game night? I was just writing a new Daft Punk song.

Reference...
 
You got antics in my shenanigans!
You got shenanigans in my antics!

MMMmmmm!

Tastes like Toj TF2 game night!

Now with less calories and more killing!

Ah I kind of already used it the Chocolate and Peanut Butter setup here DOH! Ah well here have the another commercial for it...

 
Beware Toj Spam Imitators.

Genuine Toj TF2 game night spam is made of 100% corn, payed for by poor life choices, and we'll never ask for your password unless we really, really want something.

Toj TF2 game night guaranteed more fun than getting your account hacked by a Nairobi princess.
 
/sings Mega Man Cartoon Theme.

Super fighting game night.

TOJ!

Super fighting game night.

TOJ!

Fighting to save TF2.

For educational purposes.
We aren't quite as bad as that show but we probably did spawn just as many memes :p .
Bonus points if while playing you pick up a weapon and say "Now I've got your power".

Video is in the red texted link becuase it was in the original spam and had text that followed it.
 
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