In the Words of a Gerbil...


Tuesday 3/12/2019, 9:36 PM Mighty Gerbil:

Toj TF2 Game Night.
Still not Battle Royale but then we have more than one map.


Tuesday, March 19, 2019 9:41 PM Mighty Gerbil:

Done with school? Now the real multiple choice test begins!

Tonight you plan to...
A. Sleep, perchance to dream.
B. Do useful things you poor, poor, deluded fool.
C. Play (hocks loogie) other games.
D. Be one of the cool kids and join Toj TF2 game night.

How many hats does it take to get to the center of Toj TF2 game night.
A. 1
B. 2
C. 3
D. The world may never know.

Toj TF2 game night...
A. Is bigger than a hatbox.
B. Is the hat inside all of us we all wish we could be.
C. Wins by believing in the heart of the hats.
D. Has gotta' wear them all.

The Toj TF2 game night motto is...
A. No shirt, No shoes, alright... No hat, get outta here ya mook.
B. Textures optional.
C. Bears make easy targets for jokes.
D. One game night to rule them all, one game night to find them, One game night to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

Sorry you failed, you didn't use a #2 pencil to answer, but you can still get the lead out and join TF2 Toj game night right now!


Tuesday, March 26, 10:08 PM Mighty Gerbil:

What are other games made of?
Glitches, and sales, and matchmaking fails,
That's what other games are made of.

What is Toj TF2 made of?
Admin slaps, and caps, and all kinds of maps,
That's what Toj TF2 is made of.

...ok we have glitches too but ours are amusing... mostly >.> <.<


Tuesday, April 2, 9:38 PM Mighty Gerbil:

A new TF2 update leaked! - New weapons for Heavy and Medic as follows...

Heavy secondary "The Fridge Find"
A refrigerator treasure of questionable date.
* on consumption gain 25 hp every second for 8 seconds then lose 10 hp every second for 10
* for 5 seconds after dropping it may be safely consumed for 50 hp, after 5 seconds it becomes fatal

Heavy melee "The Pere-strike-a"
The people's hammer for hitting people with.
* +50 range, -50% fire rate, +100% knockback
* on kill enemy flies into the horizon with a gleam effect

Heavy primary "The Moose Mortar"
Canada's most lethal weapon.
* on fire a moose is lobbed at an opponent
* no you don't shoot moose with it, the projectile is a moose, though I suppose you could, but then moose on moose violence is a leading problem in Canada

Medic primary "The Placebo Painkiller"
Pills here.
* dispenses pills to allies which convert any direct damage to damage over time for 10 seconds
* grants 20% resistance to explosives and moose for the duration

Medic melee "The Cut and Run"
Avoid dinner bills and malpractice suits with just one hit.
* -50% damage, 150% run speed on hit for 5 seconds
* on hit target's wallet vanishes
* ineffective against moose

New Battle Royal game mode "Hat Holocaust".
* a hat related apocalypse where you kill opponents for hats
* completely original moose pinatas, that look nothing like lamas, provide loot

The update was slated to be released April 1st but since we only meet on Toj TF2 Tuesdays tee hee...


Tuesday, April 9th, 11:19 PM Mighty Gerbil: (as sung to Hey Jude)

Hey Dude, just play TF2
Put a hat on and join our server
Remember to get them off of your point
Then you can stop being an observer

Hey Dude, don't be dismayed
Your class was made to go out and get'em
The minute you get a couple of wins
Then you begin to get better

And anytime you pain train, hey Dude, change mains
Can't melee a team with one soldier
On Well you know that it's not cool who plays it cruel
By making his class a little trolldier

Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom

Hey dude, don't get so down
You have found Toj, now join the server...
Remember to get them off of your point
Then you can stop being an observer.

Reference for the youngsters...

Last edited by a moderator:

Tuesday, April 17th, 9:33 PM Mighty Gerbil:

Just like every Mom I know what you're thinking "What can I give my kids and not have them grow up to be Fortnite players?"
Lots of games promise fun but contain only graphical sugar and un-filling micro-transactions leaving your little one hungry and at risk of EMO.


Part of a balanced game night with all the vitamins and "memerals" a growing child needs to develop the life skills they'll need to post Youtube comments.
Why chase the latest fad game and slave over hot queue times for minutes when you can just pop in a Toj TF2 Tuesday, Dad won't know how you do it!
Toj TF2 contains absolutely no artificial aim assist or GMOs (Gaming Meanies Online).
Cooked to a golden brown and sprinkled with just a tad of stupidity, and love, but mainly stupidity, it's Mmm, Mmm, Dum!


Ingredients: Contains one or more of nine classes, Artificial Color [Red 1, Blue 2], Commissioned Wheat Flour, Yellow Fruit Gal, Fish Trail, Accipitridae, Puerile Murine, and assorted The Fish byproducts.

Should not be consumed if allergic to corn and cheese.


Monday, April 29, 2019 9:49 PM Mighty Gerbil:

(whistles Old Spice tune)

Hello, players.

Look at your screen.
Now back to me.
Now back to your screen.
Now back to me.

Sadly, your screen isn't on Toj with me.
But if you stopped doing that other thing
and switched to playing TF2,
you could be like me.

Look down.
Back up.
Where are you?
You're on a map with a boat on the game your game could be like.

What's that in your hand?
Back at me.
I have it.
It's a mouse just two clicks away from that thing you love.

Look again.
The mouse is now clicking.
Anything is possible when you join a team on Toj and not an entire team of babies.
I'm on a bomb.

For reference...

Last edited by a moderator:
Before there were meme invites I had a couple Custom Map Night Events where I did, hopefully, amusing pictures. In ye old days we didn't run new customs every Tuesday because stock maps were new themselves. For your edutainment here are those collected invites. Note the picture links on the old posts went to the old Toj website so I had to re-upload them. Rather than alter posts from 2009 O.O links to the original posts are below each picture for context of each.



Last edited:

Tuesday, May 7, 2019 at 9:47 PM Mighty Gerbil:

Elite team of random internet people for memes and mayhem.
All applicants are required to bring their own WMDs and a smile!
Pay starts at nothing and goes up to all the abuse you can take!
Short life spans guarantee positions are opening up all the time!

Inquire within Toj TF2 game night. ACT NOW!


Tuesday, May 15, 2019 at 9:45 PM Mighty Gerbil:

May 19th Toj turns
20 years old and on May 21st we will celebrate on TF2 Tuesday!
Join me on a trip through the past as I update Peek-a-boo's chronicle O' invites every day
until then with the forgotten memes of yesteryear!

  • Discover the origins of the "chat room with guns" meme!
  • Find new and exciting uses for bears!
  • Learn the marketing techniques used to sell non-existent
    virtual junk to sell your real existent junk!
  • Decipher the incomprehensible wisdom of ancient internet comments!
  • Acquire skills in plagiarism you never though possible!
If you can dream it... you can meme it in our lead up to Toj's Double Deca-versa-ganza-tacular!
Oh yeeeah, we still have a normal TF2 Toj game night tonight! Starting now!

Last edited:
Do you suffer from...
The Harlem Shakes?
Political Correctness?

Toj TF2 Game Night

Do you have an excess of...
Getting Things Done?
Quality time with family?

Toj TF2 Game Night

Just listen to these satisfied customers...

Random Player #463 "I've tried other game nights but it turns out I was playing in the afternoon. For years I was staring at the sun thinking it was the moon until Toj TF2 Game Night set me straight."

1337 M45t3R Ch31f "I used to believe games were meant to be fun but Toj TF2 Game Night cured me right quick. Thanks Toj TF2 Game Night!"

Gabe Newell " Buy my Hats!"

Yes Toj TF2 Game Night is the only game night scientifically proven as being a game night because of reasons. Still not convinced? In a random polling of Chippawa, Ontario we asked "What is Toj TF2 Game Night?" and they overwhelmingly responded it was a game night...

30% It's a game night.
29% Not a game night.
15% Undecided.
25% When do I get paid for this?
1% Eaten by bears before they could complete the survey.

So if you too would like a cure for all the aliments that you didn't know you had join Toj TF2 Game Night now... or be eaten by bears.

I know I started doing the "colorful" invites regularly a little before 9/15/2015 as the draft for this is dated that. I had them in a text file before that but I've yet to find it. So while I didn't do them every week I have at least 4 years of these. It's more difficult now because it's harder and harder not to forget one and repeat myself. Though I don't think I have as yet ;) .
Last edited:
Would you could you play a game with spam?
Would you could you beat a man with a ham?
Would you beat him in a hat?
Would you beat him as Scout with a bat?
Should you play with Toj?
Come on out and go hurray!

Toj TF2sday begins now!
For just 3 frags a Tuesday you can feed a starving Gerbil in Texas. Toj TF2 game night starting now!
It's Tuesday you know what that means!
Wait you say we haven't any dancing kittens?
Well I guess we'll have to settle for Toj TF2 game night, but feel free to meow randomly!
Tired of those other game nights that fail to live up to expectations?
Just listen to unsatisfied Mortimer Klutz...
"Nahoy I am unsatisfied with all the other game nights not living up to the expectations."
Now hear him try Toj TF2 Game Night...
"Wowwee now that's a game night! I am full of pep and vinegar and popular with the ladies no less!"
You heard it here first folks. Try Toj TF2 Game Night now and get that minty fresh breath your peers will be envious of!
Act now and we'll throw in a second TF2 game night next week absolutely free! Shipping not included, offer not valid in states abbreviated with two letters.
Wig Wednesday
Topper Thursday
Fedora Friday
Stetson Saturday
Chapeau Sunday
Millinery Monday

...and the most important day in your hat related diet "TOJ TF2 TUESDAY" starting now!
Part of a balanced meal and if it's not I'll eat my hat... which would make it true and then I wouldn't have to.
joT 2FT emaG thgiN gnitratS woN!
aixelsyD lanoitpo, ytinasni dradnats!

Toj TF2 Game Night Starting Now!
Dyslexia optional, insanity standard!
Last edited:
Feeling tired and worn out?
Take a trip to the Isle of Hats and we'll have you "brimming" with energy in no time!
Lounge in our luxurious "Spawn Room" which you'll be visiting over and over.
Then when you're ready exit to explore a host of exciting locations all faithfully recreated in VR but on a monitor without those cumbersome goggles. You'll visit places like...

2fort but with cosmetic alterations.
That map which was really cool but no one can remember the name of.
All the above BUT in space.
Unfinished Gerbil maps.

Enjoy a heaping of butt whoop in all these exotic locales served up fresh by other tourists.
When you get tired of your globetrotting adventures wind down by pretending to be an inanimate object to avoid immolation.
Then build a base to keep other vacationers from murdering you and capturing your point.

DISCLAIMER: For legal reasons "Isle of Hats" may henceforth be referred to as TOJ TF2 GAME NIGHT! Starting now YAY! Everyone wave your hands in the air like a Muppet!

For those unfamiliar with all our sourcemods the line "pretending to be an inanimate object to avoid immolation" refers to the Prophunt mod. While the line "Then build a base to keep other vacationers from murdering you and capturing your point." refers to the Fort Wars mod.
The rain poured down like random crates drop.
One of them had done it.
Could "Captain" Noodles have secret military training. Did Captain Noodles do it with a frying pan, on Nucleus?
Did Trouttracks leave tracks leading to him? Sounds fishy to me!
Was it the demure Banana Girl with her all too "a pealing" voice. Had the Banana gone bad? Would she "slip" up?
Agent Pineapple eh? Unless you are in Hawaii Pineapples are imported! Agent of just what government I ask!
Perhaps he was right in front of us the whole time flaunting it with his very name. Maybe Mastermind was really THE Mastermind!
The culprit is always the last one you suspect though. Bird of Pray hasn't been saying he is a "trader" but a "TRAITOR"!

The truth is they are all guilty... of having too much fun on Toj TF2 game night starting now!

Fun fact: Regular player Aerithos used the name Mastermind when this was written!
Gerbilman and his sidekick Captain Noodles are trapped by the nefarious "Banana Girl".
Banana Girl "Soon my Banana Beam will turn you meddlesome caped crusaders YELLOW and then all the hats will be mine <insert insidious laughter>"
Captain Noodles "Holy mata HAT-i Gerbilman even with my wet noodle powers I can't wiggle out of these bonds"
Gerbilman "have courage old chum if I can just push the button on my Gerbilman map changer..."
Beam begins to engage...

Is this the end of the Dysfunctional Duo?
Are they to be stricken with fruit related cowardice?
Will Banana Girl's Plantain-tion span the globe or will admin powers prevail?

Find out next on TOJ TF2 game night starting now!

For the education of those without the blessing of having watched it growing up...

For newbies Captain Noodles and Banana Girl are regular Toj players on our server.
Last edited: