How to Guide needed

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Weazel said:
Sorry to hear that, this is partly why I always try to emphasize not dating until you're truly ready. I hope you have a good time at your birthday though.
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well i thought that God really in some ways ordained this and maybe he has for some greater purpose.... soooo i dont know...
 
Atown said:
well i thought that God really in some ways ordained this and maybe he has for some greater purpose.... soooo i dont know...
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What led you to think that? And do you mean "Ordained" as in God providing the right girl for you?
 
Weazel said:
What led you to think that? And do you mean "Ordained" as in God providing the right girl for you?
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ordained might not be the right word to use but it has the general idea. and i say that becuase, i was never looking for a gf or trying to get one. after a time though, me n star got to talking bout stuff and it was kinda awkward for bout a week lol. then i prayed and asked God, if im meant to date, give me 100% peace of mind. and He did, all the awkwardness and uneasiness from the situation left and thats when i asked star to "please bear my children" . jokingly of course but yeah
 
There are many times when a "How to Guide" would be very convenient for many different obstacles in our life...

The good news is that there already is one! It's called the bible;)

I know sometimes it might not always be what we want to hear but it isn't about what we want, it is about what God wants...(now I'll admit, that is hard to believe sometimes when you are in your deepest of depths, but I have found it to be true.)

It's about his timing, not ours.
 
heh, but the How-to-guide is sometimes written similar to CC.slims last post lol. the best thing ive found as of late is 1st peter 1:3-9, anything else i just cant seem to be able to apply. oh and psalm 32 but that didt help as much.....

and the timing thing..... most of the time i cant tell if Gods telling me something, if my minds telling me something or if something else is trying to influence me, i just cant tell what im suppose to do and which path to follow. the only clue ive ever had is the path is narrow.....
 
Well after the events that have unfolded in our life since Sunday, my mom told me something that I think might just be true...

....don't look so hard for an answer.....

once we stopped looking so hard for an answer everything fell into place perfectly - and none other than our Father in heaven could have arranged things to work out so wonderfully!
 
Shyfroggy said:
There are many times when a "How to Guide" would be very convenient for many different obstacles in our life...

The good news is that there already is one! It's called the bible;)

I know sometimes it might not always be what we want to hear but it isn't about what we want, it is about what God wants...(now I'll admit, that is hard to believe sometimes when you are in your deepest of depths, but I have found it to be true.)

It's about his timing, not ours.
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Agree 100%

If you're unsure of what to do, look in the Bible! It has all the answers.

About relationships. It is very easy to think that God has blessed a relationship, everything goes fine for a while, but before you know it, it falls apart. One thing I can say is do not trust your own judgment! If I were you, find a person you can trust who can be objective and truthful to you, preferably a pastor or a mentor (Or even your parents). Friends could work too, but it really depends which ones. I know that you said you didn't really have one so it may be a bit tougher for you. But don't give up!
 
lol i asked like 4 people and they said go for it.
 
well, 2 are kinda like mentors (1 told me to give her dad a goat >.> ) and 2 are trusted friends. and i really get confused what all goes on but i really thought God told me to do it....
 
Do what that dude from Holes did when he played in Even Stevens on Disney Channel... there are two old guys who hang out in a deli in his head and give him advise on life's matters...
 
Atown said:
well, 2 are kinda like mentors (1 told me to give her dad a goat >.> ) and 2 are trusted friends. and i really get confused what all goes on but i really thought God told me to do it....
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This is more from personal experience, but truthfully, I don't think God would ever tell someone to go ahead and date a girl that you just met, especially at a young age. Now, you could go ahead and date as many girls as you want, but you have to stop and ask yourself, is this really best for you?

Some things you should ask yourself:

- Would it help my relationship with God?
For the first question, there are some obvious times when it isn't helping, such as if you are caught in sin with her. But there are also the less than obvious, and this would be the most dangerous. This is really part of why it would be important to have a spiritual mentor or a group of friends you can trust - they can be more objective than you are.

- What would happen if the relationship with the girl doesn't work out?
As much as you think a girl would be perfect for you, many times it simply turns out this will not be the case after you get to know them better. In most relationships, people will get attached to one another. Imagine gluing two pieces of cardboard together. Then try ripping it apart. The cardboard probably will still be intact, but it won't be exactly the same. This is sort of what happens whenever you break up with a girl. What I'm trying to say is, it's better to be careful before getting into a relationship.

- Is now the best time to be dating?
My canonical answer for high school students is, no. There's just so many other things that one could focus on instead, such as schoolwork, colleges, relationship with God, etc. To be blunt, most high school students aren't mature enough, both spiritually and mentally, to be in a relationship. I don't mean this to offend anyone - I still do not think I am mature enough.


From my personal experience, relationships aren't a thing to be toyed with. While I never actually dated a girl, there has been more than one occasion in which I got too attached to one. Never has it really turned out well, and it usually leaves hurt feelings on one or both parties. And truthfully, as much as I want to tell myself that a girl is helping me spiritually, I think my relationship with God is the strongest when I'm actually not thinking about any girl. And really, in this past year of singleness, God has really blessed me with an opportunity to serve in my church and help high schoolers grow spiritually.

There's really so much more I can say on this subject, but I don't want to ramble on too much. I want to ask though, do you have a church/youth fellowship? Is there a youth pastor or any youth leaders?
 
hehehe this reply could take a while.

Weazel said:
- Would it help my relationship with God?
For the first question, there are some obvious times when it isn't helping, such as if you are caught in sin with her. But there are also the less than obvious, and this would be the most dangerous. This is really part of why it would be important to have a spiritual mentor or a group of friends you can trust - they can be more objective than you are.
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Actually Star and myself regularly sat and read the bible, had devotions together and really learned alot with each other. and in alot of ways she inspired me spiritually, so i know it was a possitive experiance in those regards.

Weazel said:
- What would happen if the relationship with the girl doesn't work out?
As much as you think a girl would be perfect for you, many times it simply turns out this will not be the case after you get to know them better. In most relationships, people will get attached to one another. Imagine gluing two pieces of cardboard together. Then try ripping it apart. The cardboard probably will still be intact, but it won't be exactly the same. This is sort of what happens whenever you break up with a girl. What I'm trying to say is, it's better to be careful before getting into a relationship.
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heh, i relized that early on, but it seemed that right when i stopped being cautious and became overly attached is when she broke up with me >_<

Weazel said:
- Is now the best time to be dating?
My canonical answer for high school students is, no. There's just so many other things that one could focus on instead, such as schoolwork, colleges, relationship with God, etc. To be blunt, most high school students aren't mature enough, both spiritually and mentally, to be in a relationship. I don't mean this to offend anyone - I still do not think I am mature enough.
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this is somethigni thought and prayed about for a while before doing anything, however, while we were dating i held 2 4.0's and a 3.5 in my classes. it may not be the right time considering expenses but i believe i handled things accordingly.

im interested in hearing the rest that you may have/know though weasel. i really do take into consideration what i hear and read.
 
Atown said:
Actually Star and myself regularly sat and read the bible, had devotions together and really learned alot with each other. and in alot of ways she inspired me spiritually, so i know it was a possitive experiance in those regards.
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I'm not doubting that you can have a relationship that can nourish you spiritually. If it does, great for you! I'm just saying that is something you should be careful of. It is so easy to fall into sin, whether big or small, if you are not careful.

Also, while it is great to have a girlfriend who could help you grow spiritually, it is still essential to have nourishment from other brothers in Christ. Relationships could be dangerous if you don't.
heh, i relized that early on, but it seemed that right when i stopped being cautious and became overly attached is when she broke up with me >_<
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:( Sorry to hear that.
this is somethigni thought and prayed about for a while before doing anything, however, while we were dating i held 2 4.0's and a 3.5 in my classes. it may not be the right time considering expenses but i believe i handled things accordingly.

im interested in hearing the rest that you may have/know though weasel. i really do take into consideration what i hear and read.
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Well, think about it this way: What qualities do you want in a girl? Now imagine what that girl would want in a guy. Do you fit those qualities? For instance, I know that I am incredibly lazy and messy, and I'm sure that my future girlfriend/wife/whatever would not be excited to see me with these habits. I'm not saying you have bad habits or something, just something you should keep in mind.

Remember what Christ's definition of love is; It could work out great for you, but what about her? I'm not only talking about bad habits or anything, but also about timing. Is it the right time for her? Is she in the same place spiritually as you? This is just as important, if not more important, than whether it is true of you.
 
Wow, was away from the computer for a weekend and so much more has unfolded on this topic.

I have a few questions for you Atown...(and you don't have to answer them if you don't want to)

1. Was this relationship with Star your first 'serious' relationship?
2. What do you look for in a girl when you decide if she will be one that you
date or not date?

and the last question for now:

3. What do you think is the purpose of dating?
 
Shyfroggy said:
Wow, was away from the computer for a weekend and so much more has unfolded on this topic.

I have a few questions for you Atown...(and you don't have to answer them if you don't want to)

1. Was this relationship with Star your first 'serious' relationship?
2. What do you look for in a girl when you decide if she will be one that you
date or not date?

and the last question for now:

3. What do you think is the purpose of dating?
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hehehe, this is a fun one lol.

1. Pretty much first everything, ive never really hung around girls just becuase alot of them dont like talking to me because im extremely geeky and talk about computers to much lol.

2. First off i want to state i wasnt looking for a gf when me n star started going out, i saw her a good friend for a while and it was a continueas effect and then i fell for her. pretty much 3 things: 1. Strong Christian, 2. Kind and Patient, 3. Fruits of the spirit shown in everday life, 4. Would be in my thoughts, acceptable to my parents, 5. a gamer. and yes on 5 im serious.

3. Dating has the end all purpose of finding your true mate for marriage. that is my definition of dating. i dont think i thought of it in those regards when we dated now that i think about it.... hmmm i'll have to think on this for a little longer.


edit: i thought about it for a while and i think what defined dating, while were dating, was sharing of life and working together through school and supporting one another.....
 
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Thanks for the answers....

I admire the way you are thinking all this through and really taking some time to figure things out instead of just 'escaping'...

Here is a little inside info about me...I never really seriously dated any guys going through school (there was one relationship but it wasn't exactly a healthy or safe one) -besides that- I had a lot of guys who were friends - it made things easier with a lot of friends...then you don't have to worry about going out with so and so and that person getting upset because you spend time studying or whatever with somebody else...it is a twisted cycle and with everything else you have to deal with at your age - it's best(in my opinion) to just be friends....but that is just me and what i have learned from my own experiences.

Now when babo and I met, truly the whole meeting and the way everything played out was a God thing. We 'dated' in middle school - my dad took us to a local water park. Come summer time he never called me, we went our own ways...we started high school. We went to the same high school but never caught up with each other, then our second year in college he found me on an online personals type thing...he found me at one of my lowest points in my life, and has truly brought me to the happiest time in my life. We met again in april, got engaged in september and married the following april. I fell hard and I fell fast.

I know you mentioned in another post about parents who might be a tad bit over-protective...mine were extremely over-protective! But looking back I am actually happy and grateful that they were the way they were when I was that age. But they also contributed to suicide attempts and a total and complete break down...but now that I'm an adult and have my own life my relationship with my parents has improved trememdously.

Anyways...I'm afraid I have rambled on...
 
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