A book in progress...

Erm... maybe... :p
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Chapter 5

Dorkelf pulled into his driveway with the GTO (it was finally out of the shop!) and honked the customised "La Cucaracha" horn in greeting. He saw Maid Mirawyn look up from the powerful piece of machinery formerly known as a Smart Car (now it had "THE MAID MIRA-MOBILE" in chrome letters across the hood), shrug, and went back to cleaning the candy wrappers and Campbells cans left behind by a certain unnamed CGA member.
"Ummm... honey?" asked Dorkelf. "What happened to our Smart Car?"
"This," replied Maid, pressing a button. Instantly, it grew taller and wider, with armor plates appearing from out of nowhere, and a CROWS gunnery system appeared around the top.
"Like my ride? You can thank C$."
"I should have known."
----------------------
Hescominsoon (HCS) walked casually down a corridor of the CGA underground fortress. He took a peek into the server room, and, seeing no one in sight, slipped inside. He pressed a button on his watch, and within seconds the security camera monitoring the area shut down. He crept over to the main console, inserted a CD, and began copying and downloading vital information such as system passcodes, detailed maps of the interior and exterior that included mini-maps of where security cameras and the like where located and what area they covered, and all sorts of things a certain organization would love to get their hands on. He hummed a small tune while he waited. Within minutes, the download was complete- the CGA computers were among the world's best.

He left the room, reactivating the cameras as he went. He heard a voice as he sidled along a wall, a voice of someone who he knew should've been away on vacation.
"What are you doing?" asked WildBillKickoff, tossing a sonic grenade to himself as he approached.
"Just popping into the server room to make sure everything was all right. You know, with the hacker-scare and all."
"...you didn't do ANYTHING else?" asked a skeptical WBK.
"Of course not," snapped HCS. "Do you have anything better to do than to interrogate a very busy administrator?"
"Well, yes. But I don't think you had any business in there, legal or illeg-" WBK was cut off when HCS whipped around and tasered him. WBK, being a big fellow, was able to resist long enough to toss the sonic grenade in his hand, letting his jaw go slack as he did it. The grenade bounced off the floor and rolled to HCS's feet.
"Ah..." HCS had no time to think as it detonated with a mighty sound that, to him, felt like the very blood vessels in his body were about to burst as the sound waves pulsed through him. WBK was safe- his jaw was slack, not clenched as HCS's was, so his teeth remained untouched, and the auto-buffer earplugs he wore sealed his ears shut the moment the sound blasted through the hallway. However, HCS wasn't so safe- he could now hear nothing and his teeth shattered. WBK lapsed into unconsciousness from the taser and HCS fled, ears and mouth bleeding, from the scene and out of CGA's headquarters. Later, he would have his inner ear rebuilt and metal jaws and teeth surgically implanted into his head, but for now he was helpless. Unfortunately for CGA, though, he still made it out.

The traitor had been exposed!
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End of Chapter 5
 
Chapter 6

one2dredd took in a deep breath, let it out, and then rolled out from behind the wooden barricade, guns blazing. He laid down such heavy fire that hardly anyone risked poking their heads out to look for an opening.

But someone got lucky. He came from behind, where dredd wasn't looking. He raised his gun, aimed, and fired. A splatter of red shone from dredd's back.
"OUCH!!" yelled dredd. "These new paintballs HURT!" He spun and threw a paint grenade. In half a second, the assailant was blown off his feet, covered in paint.
"Ack! Pbthpth!" yelled the attacker, wiping his mask with his sleeve.
"Don't mess with the big boys, aka Ash," yelled dredd.

Yep, it seemed the training was going along just fine.
---------------
HCS clacked his metallic teeth together. At the speed of thought, he amplified his hearing to better sense his environment.
"Like your new head?" asked a very sarcastic surgeon.
"Perhaps you'd rather operate on yourself after I rip you open with the very teeth you made," growled HCS.
"Just pay me, Dr. Evil," snorted the surgeon. HCS glowered at him and stood. The surgeon sighed and took out a remote, tapping a few buttons. Instantly, HCS's head was filled with buzzing so intense it brought him to his knees.
"I always make sure my clients don't come back to haunt me. I just had to improvise on your little hearing aids," chuckled the surgeon, grinning.
"Just.... make it... stop!" sputtered HCS, sliding a suitcase filled with cash across the floor.
"Yes, sir!" was the reply. Instantly, it ended.

As soon as HCS left the building, he reached into his pocket and brought out a remote of his own. He glanced back at the building. He would not miss it. He pressed the only button on the remote's surface.

He whistled a merry tune as the building behind him as explosions rocked the tranquil spring evening. The charges in the suitcase detonated several times and the building imploded.
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Darth Dapor was half asleep when the monitors in front of him went nuts. He gave out a yell and fell backwards in his chair, spilling Mountain Dew everywhere.
"Uh... RED ALERT! RED ALERT!" he yelled.

In his office, Tek7 was watching a security monitor with SirThom. It showed a confused Darth Dapor running around in circles, half slipping on all the Mountain Dew, and screaming his head off.
"I told you he wasn't the right kind of guy for the job," remarked Tek.
"Yeah, yeah," mumbled Thom. He brought up the intercom and spoke into it.
"Dapor? I suppose something went wrong?"
"AUGH! VOICES FROM EVERYWHERE! AUGH!!!!" he screamed.
"Dapor, it's me, Thom!"
"What?? Are you... in the other place?" replied Dapor, stopping in his tracks.
"Are you using the Force?" He asked.
SirThom sighed.
"Dapor, we've been through this six times. It's the intercom."
"Oh.... I see. I was really hoping it was something cooler, like the Force, or maybe even-"
"Just tell us what's wrong, will you please?"
"Uh... sure! It seems something detonated the Sinclair Bio-mechanical Research Facility and Operations Center in downtown Seattle... it's one of the buildings we've been monitoring. You know, since it's one of several places the traitor could've gotten bio-mechanical body parts. Man, just like in Star Wars..."
"Right. I'll let you go now. Okay?"
"Yessir! Oh, and you never told us exactly WHO it was that betrayed CGA..."
SirThom winced. He didn't want to dredge up that painful information. HCS had been a great friend and associate.
"...It was Hescominsoon." he replied.
"WHAT?!!? I JUST GAVE HIM MY MONITOR PASSWORD BECAUSE HE SAID HE FELT LIKE HELPING ME OUT WITH WORK!!!" Screamed a frantic Darth Dapor.
"Darth, we know. He already-" Sirthom was cut off by more screams as Dapor resumed running around in circles before slipping on the spilled soda, stumbling around, and walking into the door. He blinked a few times before he fell backwards onto the floor, unconscious. Tek7 just sat there with his eyes and jaw clenched shut, silent. SirThom was banging his head into the wall where a large dent was forming from repeated use.
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End of Chapter 6
 
Chapter 7
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"....two hundred!" gasped ArchAngel. He had just finished his third set of push ups. He rolled over onto his back and wiped the sweat off of his forehead with the back of his hand. He grunted as he jumped to his feet, grabbing a water bottle and guzzling the last of it. He headed for the showers, stopping by every other mirror to flex.

After the somewhat refreshing shower (refreshing for the rest of CGA, anyway- the sweat smell was unbearable and Arch never used anti-perspirant), he trotted off down a hall to get to work. He slowed down as he saw Darth Dapor getting carried away on a stretcher. He watched sadly as Dapor moaned in pain.
"Poor guy ran into the door again, huh?" asked ArchAngel.
"Yep. Tek's going to talk to him about finding either a new job here or new medication," replied StarFire.
"I'd say both," muttered Arch as he turned left and headed into his office.

Ajmuncha was cleaning a dis-assembled flamethrower. Various incendiaries and metal canisters of thermite lay like flotsam and jetsam around the floor.
"Leaving this stuff everywhere all haphazardly has got to break at least three state laws and several international ones," observed Arch.
"I have a permit," was the mumbled reply.
"Well, put it away. It makes me nervous when I work. Half the pins on those grenades are practically falling out of place," he ordered.
"Makes it easier to toss on the fly. Besides, they're manly weapons. REAL men don't fight with guns; REAL men either burn everything or blow it to pieces. At least that's what my dad always said," stated ajmuncha.
"Your dad was convicted and put in jail three times."
"Well, he managed to get himself out of trouble."
"By blowing a hole in the wall and running out."
"Is there a point here, or are you just wasting my time?"
"Look, just put away your stupid firey weapons of death. I've got a system to re-program."

And that was the end of that.
-------------
HCS ran harder than he had in a long time. CGA had been tracking him and now he was dangerously close to getting caught. He raised a pistol, firing over his shoulder at his attackers. He recognized this one by his quirky, spastic nature. ChickenSoup was a weird kid, but a dangerous one. Along with C$ was Dark Virtue, who ran as if the M203 he carried in each hand and the RPG he had strapped across his back (along with two Beretta's on his belt) weighed nothing.
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!" Bellowed DV, raising one of the M203s and firing a grenade across the dark alley in which the pursuit was taking place. The grenade hit several feet behind and to HCS's left, leaving a huge hole in the wall and sending shrapnel everywhere. Luckily for HCS, nothing hit past the medium strength body armor he wore.
"You can't run forever, Hescominsoon!" yelled Soup, who stopped abruptly, kneeled, and raised the scope of his M82 to eye level. He aligned the crosshairs, took a breath, let it out, and fired. HCS knew C$'s catchphrase and was dodging and weaving left and right to avoid sniper fire, but it didn't save his lower left arm. One second, it was there; the next second, there was a pain unlike HCS had ever felt before as it sort of imploded and was torn off. He heard someone swear in German, and he had to smile for a moment as he thought of C$'s short temper with such things as missing a target almost completely. But he had not time for reminiscing over memories of what once was. He must escape capture and or being blown apart by the random ballistic grenades and RPGs that lit up the night sky. He reached the end of the alley and tossed a tear gas grenade behind him with his good (and only) hand and headed to the right. He heard coughing, sneezing, and distorted cries as the two victims staggered through the gas. He would have laughed had his arm not been hemorraging. Turning down yet another alley, he figured he had several minutes before his pursuers had recovered enough to give chase once more.

And then his hopes were crushed as a tank/Smart Car appeared at the end of the street, driven by none other than Maid Mirawyn.
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End of Chapter 7
 
Chapter 8
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Maid Mirawyn loaded ammunition into the CROWS on top of her car/tank/sub/jet (currently "tank"). She gave a sad sigh as she saw her former role model standing before her, helpless before a .50 cal gunnery system. She noticed that his arm was bleeding. She then noted there was no arm, at least from the elbow up. And last but not least, she noticed ChickenSoup and Dark Virtue, tears and snot streaming down their faces, with heavy weapons aimed. She moved the .50 cal portion of the CROWS aside and manned (er, wo-manned) the modified rocket launcher. She activated the smart-missle, aimed, and fired.

A rocket streaked through the air. The sound of it rushing by made HCS think of a screaming woman. He glanced at the mini-tank and noticed that it WAS a screaming woman: MaidMirawyn was shouting something to the extent of "Hop in! Come on! Hurry! What are you waiting for?!" He blinked and thought for a moment before running up the front of the vehicle and dropping through the open portion of the top. Maid pressed a few buttons and within ten seconds the tank had become a jet. She glanced at his arm and grimaced, her face draining of color, but at least she didn't puke as HCS had assumed she would. She just pushed the throttle forward and activated the powerful engines and before he knew it they were in the air.
"Where is it you work? I assume they'll know how to take care of you," she asked, twisting a control stick to swerve out of the way of an incoming RPG.
---------------
C$ saw what was happening and his eyes grew wide.
"Dark, I think-" he stammered, but he felt himself being thrown to the side as Dark Virtue slammed into him, rolling out of the way of the rocket that hit the ground that they had just been standing on.
"Soup, shoot him!!" He yelled, loading an RPG into its launcher. C$ quickly picked up his M82 (lovingly named "the elephant gun" by C$ and most people who saw it) and sighted in HCS. He was about to shoot when HCS dropped inside the tank. Dark Virtue hastily misloaded the grenade and aimed. He pulled the trigger, but nothing happened. Cursing, he re-loaded it correcly. C$ was carefully watching the tank, which was now shrinking and elongating. Realizing what was about to happen, he grabbed a rectangular object from his belt and cocked his arm back in a throwing position. The tank (now jet) was revving its engine.
"DARK VIRTUE, HURRY!!" screamed C$, who was sidling off out of the way.
"I HAVE TO GET A GOOD SIGHT IN, YOU IDIOT! I'VE ONLY GOT ONE SHOT!!" shouted Dark. He aligned the sights and fired. The RPG went soaring down the street, but the jet twisted and swerved out of its way, narrowly missing it. C$, spotting the opprotunity, threw the object in his hand with all of his might. It latched onto the jet, which now blasted through the air not three feet above their heads, and unfolded, revealing a small panel with a revolving mini-satellite dish.
"Got 'em tracked," confirmed C$, wiping the snot and tears put there by tear gas from his face. He didn't hear what Dark said, something about shutting up because if C$ hadn't upgraded Maid's car in the first place this wouldn't be happening.
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End of Chapter 8
 
ChickenSoup said:
"Got 'em tracked," confirmed C$, wiping the snot and tears put there by tear gas from his face. He didn't hear what Dark said, something about shutting up because if C$ hadn't upgraded Maid's car in the first place this wouldn't be happening.
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End of Chapter 8
Click to expand...

That snot funny. :D

Paul
 
HCS flexed his mechanical hand. Thankfully, there was no annoying buzzing or whirring of gears. He had been offered a pseudo-plastic skin/flesh covering for it, but he denied the offer, asking only for titanium plating. He walked along a long hallway towards a parking garage. He looked around and found the car he was looking for: MaidMirawyn's multi-use vehicle. He saw her fixing her hair or something in the rearview mirror and rolled his eyes. He strode past a large puddle of water and oil and stopped. He took a few steps back and looked at his reflection: a larger-than-usual jaw that shone with the cold flash of steel; a barely-noticable wire that came out of each ear and wound around behind his earlobes to tiny devices that amplified his hearing. His lower left arm, of course, was purely metal and looked threatening.
"I'm turning into a neo-Darth Vader," he muttered. He turned and cast a rueful glance at Maid.
"Hurry up and finish your hair so we can get out of here!" he yelled, jogging up to the car and hopping in.
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"...in short, our mission was somewhat failed." finished ChickenSoup. He had been giving an overview of his foiled plot to SirThom. Dark Virtue was leaning against the frame of the door a few feet behind him.
"'Somewhat'?" snorted Dark. "You missed him and shot off his hand and gave Mirawyn the chance to betray us."
SirThom sat up straight in his chair, choking on the glass of water he had been sipping.
"She WHAT?!" he boomed, furious and frantic at the same time. C$ snapped his eyes shut and clenched his fists.
"Ah, yes, we were about to get to that. She sort of rescued Hescominsoon and shot us with a rocket." he managed. SirThom looked like he was about to fall out of his chair.
"Does Dorkelf know about this?" he asked slowly, not wanting to know the answer in case he had to be the one to tell him. Dark Virtue spoke up again.
"Not exactly. I sent him an email." SirThom looked up.
"What did the email say? You weren't blunt were you?"
He looked from Dark to Soup, studying their faces.
"He told him that his wife was a traitor and that I didn't help any by giving her a super-car thing with a rocket launcher and a jet engine," remarked C$ very sarcastically. Dark Virtue glowered at C$.
"I most certainly did not do such a thing," he barked.
"That was pretty much the extent! And for the last time, it's a car/jet/sub/tank!" replied C$, who was almost yelling. They both sopped when they heard a thump. Turning, they saw SirThom laying, passed out, on the floor.
 
Now for Darth Dapor to redeem himself.
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Chapter 10

Darth Dapor was led to an empty room by one2dredd, the supervisor of all CGA's training.
"Darth, you have reflexes like nothing we've ever seen. Sometimes they get put out the wrong way and you turn hyper and run into things. But, we think we have found a... 'better' outlet for your energy," stated dredd.
"Better? I bet you think I'm just not good at monitoring things," mumbled Dapor.
"Nonsense. It's just that whilst you sit there and sip Mountain Dew throughout the day your nerves get a little frazzled," replied dredd. "Now, we're going to try something to test our little theory."
Dredd stepped back and touched a panel on the wall. Instantly, a hole opened and shot a tennis ball out at an incredible speed in the direction of Darth Dapor's abdomen. Dapor's eyes widened as it hit his stomach.
"Um, try deflecting it or something," suggested one2dredd.
"Right... let me... catch my breath..." gasped Dapor. A few moments later another tennis ball hit him in the head.
"Would you stop-" he started, being cut off by another tennis ball between the eyes. Now he was getting angry. He stood up straight.
"Dredd, don't make me get angry," he growled.
"Just what we need!" purred dredd, touching the panel again. This time, Dapor was ready. His fist flew out in half a second, striking the tennis ball so hard that it crumbled into dust and a pile of fuzz.
"Excellent!" cried dredd. This time, he pressed another panel, and three more holes in the walls opened up, one on each wall so that Dapor was surrounded.
"Can you handle this?" asked dredd cautiously. The only reply was an audible cracking of knuckles.
"Erm, right. Here we go!"
Instantly, tennis balls came flying from four directions, but Dapor was ready. He spun around, limbs flying, deflecting the balls as if they were nothing. This went on for several minutes and sweat started to bead on his brow. The last tennis ball came flying out and he caught it. He looked at it for a few seconds before squeezing it so hard it broke into several pieces.
"I think we've got you a new assignment," breathed one2dredd, who was in total awe of what had just happened.
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End of Chapter 10
 
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