Where do I stand?

[CCGR]

I'll give you the readers digest version...

I have an aunt who is from Argentina and has managed to anger every single one of my family members. They have moved to Wisconsin to avoid them even (speculating). We've helped them come to Christianity (but they have a lot of learning to to ie. forgiveness) and I've always been there for her...even if it was just to listen to her rant. She has a big heart but limited access to it. Anyways she is now mad at me and wants nothing to do with us now either! I've always been on thin ice and apologized when I have wronged her. But she never apologizes to me and does not see any of this family situation as partially her fault.

So my question is..I have by far given my best effort. But apparently it's not good enough. She wants seclusion fine...but is there any more I can do fo her biblically other than pray? I've been fogiving but if she can't live up to her end of owning up for things I just see the relationship as one sided. I can't speak my mind or she gets mad at me.

Any thoughts or encouragement would be appreciated.

 

[Wheels]

Quote[/b] (CCGR @ June 19 2003,8:42)]

For clarification:

Quote[/b] ]They have moved to Wisconsin to avoid them even (speculating).

The rest of your family has moved away from the aunt, right?

Quote[/b] ](but they have a lot of learning to to ie. forgiveness)

Your aunt or the rest of your family?

And I am guessing that the rest of your condensed version concerns your aunt?

 

[[7F]Griswald]

2 Tim 2:23-26
23Refuse to get involved in inane discussions; they always end up in fights. 24God's servant must not be argumentative, but a gentle listener and a teacher who keeps cool, 25working firmly but patiently with those who refuse to obey. You never know how or when God might sober them up with a change of heart and a turning to the truth, 26enabling them to escape the Devil's trap, where they are caught and held captive, forced to run his errands.

2 Tim 2:3-4
3When the going gets rough, take it on the chin with the rest of us, the way Jesus did. 4A soldier on duty doesn't get caught up in making deals at the marketplace. He concentrates on carrying out orders.

Keep up the good work and pray... pray... pray...  

 

[CCGR]

my aunt and uncle moved to Wisconsin...my uncle could have drived to work but they took on two house mortgages and almost got themselves bankrupt!

Most of my family is in Illinois

Well my family has made attempts on fogiveness but she does not apologize for her actions which makes it harder for the family to forgive her.

latest info is that she just left a nasty message on my brothers phone. I asked that he not retaliate and pray before responding. I don't know why she is cutting her self off from everyone. This is so silly.

 

[CCGR]

Quote[/b] ]2 Tim 2:23-26
23Refuse to get involved in inane discussions; they always end up in fights. 24God's servant must not be argumentative, but a gentle listener and a teacher who keeps cool, 25working firmly but patiently with those who refuse to obey. You never know how or when God might sober them up with a change of heart and a turning to the truth, 26enabling them to escape the Devil's trap, where they are caught and held captive, forced to run his errands.

Very nice I've tried my best on that one. But I guess I'm at the point now where I'm waiting for her to sober up. I can't be firm with her, when I try she yells at me. So her way or the highway. I've tried my best I need some time for her and I to cool off. (this car situation is not making me as patient as usual)

 

[Pelagrin]

In my experience, I've found that we can't make another person do what we think they should do. If someone wrongs us, we can apologize, but we can't make them forgive us.

If you have sincerly apologized, then you have done your part. The rest is up to God, and all I know you can do is to love her and pray.

I've found that in the past when I've tried to "fix" things myself, the situation has often gotten worse. Sometimes you just have to step back and trust God.

 

[SSquared]

What everyone has said is right on. But let me throw a different slant on things.

First off, it sounds like your family has done all they can. Though you are still called to forgive, that doesn't mean you need to place yourself purposefully in the life of the other person.

There are two things you can do next. One thing, and maybe you already know this, is to find out where your aunt is coming from? What makes her act the way she does? Is it the way she was brought up? Is she upset at your mom/dad and taking it out on everyone else? As I'm sure you and Jay know, communication and understanding is key to any relationship. Understanding the other person's point of view can be extremely helpful. Doesn't mean you have to agree with it, but at least you can understand them better.

The other thing you can do is to cut her off. Right now, it sounds like she has control over your family. She has managed to gain control over everyone's emotions. This is not healthy, and is crossing into your family's emotional boundaries. Your family needs to turn that around and tell her you will refuse to listen/talk with her unless she can talk calmly and not be defensive. The moment she does, you either hang up or walk away. This leaves the choice up to her. You will be available, under respectable terms, but she needs to decide how she will act, behave, and handle the situations.

Both of these can be done. You can resolve the first suggestion if the second suggestion is sucessful.

I highly recommend reading the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. I really enjoy Christian Psychology books and these guys are two of the best. Your church library most likely has this book. It's pretty well known. I think it will give you great insight and understanding into what you can do as a next step.

 

[CCGR]

I have heard her out and her side of things. For the past couple years I've been the bridge between her and my family. Although my family does not uderstand her one bit I've always been the messenger so to speak. But not she has crossed the line. Even with me. I refuse to pick sides. When I don't agree with her she thinks I'm against her! I was the religous perspectives for both sides and can answer biblically on how to do things from a moral perspective, but I've been very patient and shook my head at many of her actions. But if I confront her on them I get trampled on. How much emotional hurt must one go through? The ball is clearly in her court. I can't make any more progress with her unless she comes to grips with her part of this whole situation.

 

[Kidan]

CCGR, just pray, forgive her, and let the Lord work. If you feel He is leading you to continue trying to teach her, then do so, otherwise take a break from it all, and wait untill an opening reappears.

As a Christian you should always be accepting of a person, willing to forgive any trespass (and doing so). Yet there also comes a time when YOU can't do anything else in a situation. Pray, Read the Bible, and Seek God's will in this matter.

 

[sealcomm]

If there are attitudes that are clearly out of line, it says in the word to gently teach and correct in love.

Let the word be the answer. Then it's not opinion.

Use the word to bring instruction. Maybe share something in the bible with her and share what it means to you. You could try applying it to her.

Maybe you need to teach her the importance of the word in the first place. It's authority, and then proceed from there into issues.

Prayer is definitely the key. When people argue, there isn't room for growth. It's usually about being right or wrong.

Love has got to be the motivator, and only the Holy Spirit can change a persons heart. Just be a vessel for him, and do what you can.

Pray about what to do... what to share, what to pray.



sealcomm

 

[Atown]

lol lol lol, ive seen this in my own aunt and uncle and grandma situation. thankfully they live in california and we live in washington

. jk bout thankfully. well it really depends on the argument really. also u might want to bring in a 3rd party friend or try and get a level headed friend to be ur aunts friend. she can be mad at family but a friend is difrent. beats me y. also if u want out of a situation, always have something u need picked up at the store, and pray she wont want to come, its all a strategy.