Avesther
New Member
I have tried to voluntarily leave. I can not. I am drawn back by a sick sense of honour that must somehow be defended in head on confrontation. It is simply not enough that I ignore certain topics or posts because I can not ignore them. It is not in me yet to walk away.
I am hot headed and fly off the handle way too easy. Of what good is my temper? I am certain that I have such a temper for a reason. Unfortunatly, without proper consulting and learning and growth, I fear it useless to the point of dangerous. Dangerous to myself, others that I come into contact with and those who simply pass me by.
I see no reason as to why I should remain here. By my own tongue I admit I am not a very good representation of who Christ, my Lord and salvation, is. And as such, I question, what is my value on these boards? And my only answer is: None. I can not in all honesty, determine how I can be used to further the vision of CGA. Especially when I act so trully opposite of whom I try to emulate.
As such, I see myself more of a liability and a detriment to you. I have been around for o' so long, since my cuz introduced me to Seven Seals. I have out lived my usefullness, I am afraid it be so.
Much more then not of being any value here any more, I can not accept how I have acted here. I have acted in haste, hate and anger. I despise myself for it, I'd rather gnaw my fingers off then post again under such circumstances. Yet I find myself doing it over and over again. It was easier for me to quit smoking after 15 years then it is for me to quit posting after only 6 years.
And so thereon, I do so humble request, that the elders get together and contemplate my membership. I do so humbly request, with all my heart and understanding, that all my IP addresses be banned, for my behaviour is detestable even in my own eyes. I need help and this is the only solution that I can see.
I am hot headed and fly off the handle way too easy. Of what good is my temper? I am certain that I have such a temper for a reason. Unfortunatly, without proper consulting and learning and growth, I fear it useless to the point of dangerous. Dangerous to myself, others that I come into contact with and those who simply pass me by.
I see no reason as to why I should remain here. By my own tongue I admit I am not a very good representation of who Christ, my Lord and salvation, is. And as such, I question, what is my value on these boards? And my only answer is: None. I can not in all honesty, determine how I can be used to further the vision of CGA. Especially when I act so trully opposite of whom I try to emulate.
As such, I see myself more of a liability and a detriment to you. I have been around for o' so long, since my cuz introduced me to Seven Seals. I have out lived my usefullness, I am afraid it be so.
Much more then not of being any value here any more, I can not accept how I have acted here. I have acted in haste, hate and anger. I despise myself for it, I'd rather gnaw my fingers off then post again under such circumstances. Yet I find myself doing it over and over again. It was easier for me to quit smoking after 15 years then it is for me to quit posting after only 6 years.
And so thereon, I do so humble request, that the elders get together and contemplate my membership. I do so humbly request, with all my heart and understanding, that all my IP addresses be banned, for my behaviour is detestable even in my own eyes. I need help and this is the only solution that I can see.