Should Tek write a Netiquette guide?

Should Tek write a Netiquette guide?

  • Total voters
    20
  • Poll closed .
moxie said:
deer Tek,

n0boddi @ w0rc cn red mi emales n mi bos is telin mi that 1m eelitr8 i d0nt no wat the prblm is i jst typ h0w i alwys typ ingme n he d0nt lik it cn u hlp plz plz plzkthnxbye.

uber n utah
Click to expand...

Translation:

Dear Tek,

Nobody at work can read my emails and my boss is telling me that I'm illiterate. I don't know what the problem is. I just type how I always type in games. He doesn't like it. Can you help me please.
 
Idk why your boss says ur illiterate.. i read it just fine!! We should work together, than we can talk how we want!
 
moxie said:
I think it would be great. Can we start a "Dear Tek" column?

Dear Tek,

I sent a memo to my co-workers regarding a project I have been working on. Some of them responded in anger; one won't talk to me right now. What did I do wrong? Here is the email:

EVERYBODY:

I NEED YOUR TPS REPORTS BY THE END OF THE DAY OR ELSE!

~S.

Signed,
Confused in Colorado
Click to expand...
Confused,

WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING? IS THERE A REALLY LOUD FAN RUNNING NEXT TO YOUR CO-WORKERS HEAD?

In other words: Typing in all capitals is commonly viewed as equivalent with shouting.

You know that kid in the restaurant who asks to show his mom his Pokemon while she's trying to eat her salad? The kid talking about 1,000 decibels more loudly than he needs to?

Congratulations, Confused. You're a child at heart. And at the keyboard.

Try asking for reports politely. If you exercise legitimate authority (hiring, firing powers) over your co-workers, then there will be enough menace lurking behind the request to scare them into finishing the report on time.

On a related note: Adding the "or else" is unnecessary because today's job market is so unstable that people live in constant fear of being laid off. Not everyone is fortunate enough to pick up a secure job as a fictional columnist.

If you don't exercise authority over your co-workers, you might as well ask for the report politely anyway. No point going without the report and being viewed by your co-workers as rude.

If you still find yourself needing to add emphasis to a particular phrase, try italics--or synonyms. I find replacing the word "reprimanded" with "disemboweled by starving tigers" is particularly effective.

Sincerely,
Tek

moxie said:
deer Tek,

n0boddi @ w0rc cn red mi emales n mi bos is telin mi that 1m eelitr8 i d0nt no wat the prblm is i jst typ h0w i alwys typ ingme n he d0nt lik it cn u hlp plz plz plzkthnxbye.

uber n utah
Click to expand...
uber,

It may be possible that your boss has not spent enough time playing Counter-Strike to understand your dialect (or what we grammarians call "complete and unabashed butchering") of the English language.

This situation leaves you with three options:

1. Invite your boss to play Counter-Strike with you on your clan's server. Your buddies in clan Kil Imolat Deth Stab may be able to help your boss make the transition from English to pidgin.

2. Put down Counter-Strike and pick up a Nintendo DS Lite. Any number of games, from Brain Age to My Word Coach, will offer new l33t challenges. Be sure to stay away from Nintendogs, though, as that game is weaksauce and only for girls (who, as we all know, do not play Counter-Strike).

The Nintendo DS approach has the advantage of allowing you to get exposure to sunlight, which may help cure a number of social, mental, and physical disorders that may be troubling you. Remember, sunlight is a good source of Vitamin D. Rockstar energy drinks and Bawls are not.

3. Quit your job and go work for EA Games.

Any of these three options should solve all your problems.

Just don't blame me if you go to work for EA Games and never see your family again.

Sincerely,
Tek
 
tek missed the reference to officespace and recommended that someone work at EA games.

I think i'm gonna be scarred for life.
 
I wonder if linking to EA's employment policy on Wiki was a throwback towards Office Space? Or maybe the long hours/weekends was pure coincidence to the plotline of Lumbergh wanting Peter to come in on Saturday & Sunday in the movie?
 
ROFL at Tek's answers. After a long day of putting up with rude holiday shoppers, this put me in a much better mood. :)
 
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