Recovering...

[crcook84]

January 29, 2014

This isn’t so much a blog post as it is a concern for my dad. I found out tonight that he’s taking anti-depressants. The doctor says that he can decide when he wants to stop taking them. The other thing he’s taking is a blood pressure medication because his blood pressure is sky high. Also, his allergies are really bad. He said that he sneezed non-stop 9 times until he covered his nose and mouth with his hankie.

 

[crcook84]

January 30, 2014

Today seemed to be going pretty well. I went by Gamestop to pick up an adapter for our Wii. I had to use my credit card because they required ID. We went by our local Outreach to drop off some donations and purchase some items for the memorial at a discount price. Then, we went by CVS pharmacy to pick up some batteries. Fortunately, there was a discount. The full price was $9. There was a discount for $7. I had my CVS card with me and knocked it down to $6.

I waited most of the evening for my client to come by. I left a message on her answering machine for what day she could come by. I called again today wondering if she had rescheduled or something. Eventually, I gave up. If she calls again, I’ll make another appointment, seeing as how it doesn’t cost me anything.

As we were watching a movie, my dad stumbled across an article saying that, starting January 30th, not having life insurance (or health insurance, I’m not sure which) would incur a penalty. Fortunately, my dad was able to sign me up for Cigna. Unfortunately, I think it costs $260/month, of which he’s paying all of it. Fortunately, we’ve already downsize as far as food is concerned. So, we’re not too concerned. Although, I would feel much better if I had a job and could pay some of that.

If this is part of Obama’s mandating of health care, I now have more of an incentive to want him out of office.

 

[crcook84]

January 31, 2014

I took the time today to inflate a sofa/bed that we plan on having long term for guests as well as for our gaming room. It took me close to two hours using an air compressor because the only pump my dad could find had a car plug attached to it. But, it held air. So, that’s good. And I finished setting up our Wii for when my sister’s family is ready to do some internet gaming. Of course, the room still needs working on.

We went to Chase to close my bank account and move all the money to my dad’s account. At the last second, I said that the only way I would leave the account open was if they removed what was causing me to have a monthly charge of $6 (if I don’t use my debit card five times a month, I get billed). I told them my two options and the bank manager gave me another option. She would hold the $6 charge on my bank account for 6 months. I went with this for only one reason.

There is a Wal-Mart opening nearby (a 7 minute drive). Around the time of my mother’s passing, my grandmother told me that there was a hiring event going on. Well, I decided not to attend that for obvious reasons. However, I took the time today to apply online. The thing is most of these online applications seem to be reduced to calculating who would make a good candidate based on variables. I picked 3 or 4 positions that I thought I could handle. But, the best part was they would hold my profile until 2016. Plus, there are a number of other Wal-Marts near me (I’ll admit I’ve only been applying for new store openings because that seemed smart) and Obama called upon stores to reconsider their hiring policy and consider employing individuals who have been out of work longer (Walmart opted into this). So, hopefully, I’ve got better odds this time.

 

[The Mighty Gerbil]

...And I finished setting up our Wii for when my sister’s family is ready to do some internet gaming. Of course, the room still needs working on.

They have a gaming console what more do they need? Just shove some pizza under the door, because it's flat, and they should be good! <kidding>

Still praying for you guys.

 

[ursen]

Will pray for work for you.

 

[crcook84]

February 02-03, 2014

Nothing much has happened. We took my Corolla to Goodyear to see why it wasn't working anymore. They discovered that the battery ran out because I left the dome light on. But, in all truthfulness, I was thinking of getting rid of it anyways. As much as I liked the bucket seats and the ability to make sharp turns, I prefer the v8 of our truck. Plus, taking it off the insurance will save money.

In the meantime, I discovered that my local CVS Pharmacy is hiring for a Photo Lab Technician. Now, I haven't had any retail experience. However, I have several years experience doing photo scanning for family members and friends of the family. This includes handling the financial side of things. They'll train me to handle all the equipment properly. So, pray for that.

 

[crcook84]

February 4, 2014

Between last week and today, I started submitting job applications again. I’d like to assume that I never got a job so that I could be home to help take care of the household. Whether I’m over thinking this or this is exactly what God meant, I don’t know. I do know that, before, I didn’t have that much of a strategy in terms of getting a job. Now, after everything I went through, I feel a new sense of confidence as far as what I consider prospective jobs. I’ve applied to some 10-15 jobs across 3 different retail store chains. Furthermore, I made sure those jobs covered every store in those chains within a 10 mile, 15 minute drive from my house. Those jobs cover cashier, clerk, stocker, and various other menial jobs. I never thought I’d ever go for any of those. However, the time I spent at my local community outreach helped me to appreciate menial jobs more.

I’d like to think that things might go more in my favor. However, I’m also aware of the “system” of online job applications. I got a call from Walmart offering me a part time job at a warehouse from 4pm to 1am. When I told my dad where it was, he was scared for me because of how bad that area was at night. Then, when I told the person on the phone where I was in relation to the warehouse, he apologized and said that he called me only because my name came up in a candidate list.

 

[crcook84]

Just wanted to let everyone know I'm doing all right. Last week, the TV station my dad works for had Share-athon. He ended up staying late. By the time he got home, it was 12 or 1. But, he wanted to watch something to calm down as well as to spend time with us. So, we ended up staying up late for him. On top of that, we were working all week to setup a stand for my mom's memorial service. I was lucky enough to remember to attend a VoIP prayer meeting. Fortunately, my dad has declared today and tomorrow rest days. I may pay some bills for him. Hopefully, this break time will give me enough of a chance to recover if I get called in for a job interview. Otherwise, we're finally getting a chance to breath.

By the way, here's some pointers I've found useful for managing food:

ZipList.com - You can log into it with a number of different social accounts.

I made some file servers 1 or 2 years ago using Server 08. I created a share folder for my family to access that we can put in recipes and other food ideas.

Using a dry erase board to write down when we run out of certain foods.

I made a list of simple meals (ex: steak and mashed potatoes, Spaghetti & meatballs, Chicken strips) and divided it into 7 meals a week. It is a printable word document.

 

[anlptgtsg]

Glad that you are doing ok

 

[crcook84]

The sun was out today. It helped make things look a little brighter. I applied to another store today. Well, a couple of them. It was the same store chain and I just had to select all the stores in the area I was interested in signing up for. Unfortunately, because I had already applied in the past, I couldn’t update my profile. Fortunately, two Bible studies I attended (well, I attended that weeks prayer meeting and saw the verse in the chat room and I made it half way through the one the following week) talked about faith and trust in God:

Faith of the Centurion
Luke 7:1-10

Paul and Silas in Prison
Acts 16:16-40

That got me thinking about my own predicament. I don’t know where I’m going. However, I know God is with me. As such, I don’t need to be as worried.

 

[crcook84]

Plumbing Problems

It looks like we've gone from one emergency to another. In late December going into January, we started having problems with our pipe. Fortunately, it was 3 or 4 weeks after...the other stuff. So, we had a chance to breath. It was slow at first. We poured drain cleaner down to see if that would help. However, we put some cauliflower down the food disposal unit and it stopped completely. I disconnected all the pipes in an attempt to find the clog. All I found out was that the clog was beyond the wall. I hooked up enough pipes to pour drain cleaner at the trap in an attempt to get the cleaner closest to the clog. Still didn't work. Fortunately, we had a snake we could stick in. But, I only got it in as far as my dad did last time, 5-6 feet. Finally, I reassembled the pipes and put the rest of the drain cleaner in the bottle down the drain. Still didn't help. Before calling a plumber, I had one last idea that would take two people: one person holds down a plug in one of the sinks while the other plunges the other sink. We worked at it for a couple of minutes until my sister got splashed. At that point, she was like, I'm done.

One interesting side effect of all this is we discovered that the drain cleaner had bleach. One of the bowls in the sink that touched some water that had drain cleaner in it, we put it on the counter and some time later, we saw a white circle where it was sitting. My parents had tried for years to find something that would make the counter white again. I'm thinking the main ingredient that did that was calcium hypochlorite. So, once we get this done, we'll think about using this stuff on the counters.

Finally, we called Mr. Rooter. A guy came out and said the best thing would be to cut a section of pipe that had been glue into place and replace it with a better pipe system. Once he had done that, he snaked the pipe to see what was wrong. The line was filled with grease. Plus, he thought that there was something wrong that would cause the line to become occluded. So, he wanted to clean out the pipe via a gas release pipe with water pressure and then stick a camera down. The cost has now reached $600. But, at this point, it was worth it to get the pipe cleared of grease. When he came back down, he told us that the cast iron pipe was broken at a 25 foot point and would cost $9000 to replace. We decided to get another estimate. Our State Farm agent recommended Benjamin Franklin Plumbers. When a guy came over, he asked some questions about what the other guy did and his guesstimating that made me think the Mr. Rooter guy didn't know what he was talking about. What topped it off was that the Mr. Rooter guy thought the break was at 25 feet and the Ben guy, based on where I pointed it out, said that the point was 15 feet. He gave us an estimate of $6000 to replace the pipe. We have two other guys we got numbers for and we've having, at least, one of them coming over today to give us his estimate.

In the meantime, we have a plan on how we'll clean the dishes. The dishes with light dirt will go through the dishwasher. Everything else will be scrubbed in the sink and then that will be dumped in the toilet.

 

[crcook84]

We got some input from the third plumber. Now, his connection to us is that my grandmother is friends with an AC repair man named Russell. His brother, Carlton, is a plumber. He came over and, after guesstimating where the pipe was according to the house layout, gave us an estimate of no higher than $7000. Before leaving, he sent a camera down the pipe (for free) and examined the pipe to see if there really was damage. Based on his limited view (I'm assuming he was looking at an LCD display during the day) and the fact that the camera didn't get stuck or shift around dramatically, he didn't think we had a broken pipe. He said that he needed to look down the pipe again at evening or night to get a better look through the LCD. But, at this point, he doesn't see anything wrong with continuing to use the pipe.

Also, I started going back to volunteer work at my local outreach.

 

[crcook84]

This is a message I sent to a friend of mine I am reconnecting with. Up until I found out my dad was messaging other people about what was going on, I assumed he didn't want us talking about it to anyone. I told my friend only because I needed to confide in someone and I was very close to them before they had to go off and deal with medical / emotional problems.

3/29/2014

This past month, my dad has made some questionable money withdrawals. It wasn't until we were in the middle of this that he informed us that he had registered with match.com. Now, I'm not against him seeing other people. However, I would have preferred that he had waited maybe a year or two before. Anyways, he met two women: Helen and Sherry. At first, they seemed nice. Helen sounded like she lived nearby. But, we found out later she was in Nigeria. We found out Sherry ended up there for other reasons. Helen was attempting to sell some merchandise in Nigeria. Sherry was attempting to help her mother claim an inheritance that was owed by her father after he died. Helen was asking for amounts of up to $1000. Sherry was asking for amounts only to help her mother who ended up sick in the hospital. As much as me and Cathy told him that this wasn't a good idea, he willingly withdrew money. It wasn't until later that we found out he was donating this money as an attempt to make amends over his own perceived idea that it was his fault that mom died. As we were doing this, Helen slipped up. One of the money amounts she asked was in Naira. At that point, we started to wonder about the other money amounts. At one point, she asked for $20000. If that was 20000 Naira, that would just be $120. She tried to fix this by saying that that's what she meant. The thing is we have invested $7577 into her money plan. If that was supposed to be Naira, converting dollars to Naira, that is, roughly, 1219545 Naira that she currently has. For all intensive purposes, she could be living like a king. Fortunately, Sherry appears to know what she is doing. After what we found out with Helen, he asked Sherry and she said she already did the math and the hospital charges are exactly what she said they were.

As this was going on, I told him that we were out $10k. He got the idea that we could borrow $10k from Bank of America so as to help get our money back up again. The thing is it won't matter if he keeps on giving money to these individuals. Eventually, he asked God to help stop what was going on with Helen because he couldn't stop giving her money. The answer came in the form of his phone finally dying on him (well, more like the power button, which started malfunctioning last summer, wouldn't work for him anymore). We ordered a new one which won't get here until next week.

As he was seeing other people, he met a Russian woman named Natalya. We don't know much about her other than what dad says he saw in mom he now sees in Natalya. She's around 35 years old. So, I think she's younger than Jenny. We told dad that we didn't think we could call her mom. Fortunately, he told us that she doesn't expect that. They've talked quite a bit. He's told her what he's been through over the past several months and she' given him a sort of peace. She's not religious (but neither is my dad) but she believe in God. Dad told us about how the church has sort of changed what it means to be saved based on what the culture changes it into. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that you have to ask Jesus into your heart. The only mention about salvation is in the jail cell when the jailer asks one of the apostles how he can be saved. The apostle replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved.” That reminded me of when my girlfriend told me about how a Sunday school teacher said in a sermon, “Just because you're saved doesn't mean your going to heaven.” Now I understand better why my dad is hesitant to attend a church. He doesn't mind following some religious practices, like Bible study. He's just cautious about how the Church interprets the Bible outside of what it already says.

Anyways, he plans on marrying her no later than a week or two after she gets here in about one or two weeks. Now, before anyone starts thinking that she's eerily similar to the idea of a Russian bride, she wanted to pay her own way over here, as in she's buying all the necessary plane tickets. However, he has given her enough to help with the expenses. As for the marriage, my dad has done research and this is what he feels:

Culturally, the western church has become subservient to the state. When I checked with all the local chapels, all but one were requiring a state license to perform a CHRISTIAN ceremony. That is a contradiction to instructions in the New Testament!

Not only is it wrong, further it is a corporal sin of the entire church body.

Ephesians says that Man will leave parents and be joined to his wife. Another reason Mom and I had conflicts with church doctrine. Now it has come directly to affect me.

In this state, unless you apply for and possess a STATE license, the "marriage" is defined by common law, which is a traditional history of at least 7 years together.

According to church doctrine, this is sin. But! The church defines marriage as a union between one man and one woman. The issue of marriage in the New Testament, is diametrically opposed to the doctrine of the state. Obviously this isn't the only opposition between the two, but the point is...that by my research, marriage is defined by God, NOT THE STATE!

Marriage in the OT was a Hebraic cultural process, but in the NT, it changes radically from that to the SPIRITUAL Israel, which includes the CHURCH. As you know, the Bible supercedes all state regulations, laws, and governmental mandates. None of us has a problem with that.

The issue is, as I see it, not the actual ruling on it, but the perception of the members of the CHURCH, who are quite frequently given to murmuring, gossip, and lying. Each of which is, in my mind, worse than the common law practice across the south. Most common law unions are of convenience, not Scriptural, but the Biblical mandate in Ephesians 5

http://fillup.wordpress.com/2006/10/06/a-new-view-of-marriage-in-the-new-testament/

http://www.frc.org/brochure/the-bibles-teaching-on-marriage-and-family

We as the CHURCH would do well to keep that in mind, since a minister by law, CANNOT pronounce a man and woman as MARRIED unless they have the PAPER from the county!

My study on this produced, well, shocking findings, which I had not faced before. The union of a committed man and woman, as Natalya and I have already done by statement and will, completes the instruction before God.

In essence, all I need do, according to Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7, and Ephesians 5:31 man shall leave parents and cleave to his wife. Other than the Hebraic custom of betrothal and ceremonies, the NT simply says "cleave unto his wife". The process of marriage in the church therefore, is an add on to the Scripture. In other words, outside of the cultural mores, the church made up its own rules and "doctrine" about marriage.

In fact, it gets worse. Unless a couple in the United States GETS a state license, they are considered to be living in adultery. No one would argue that you need a church ceremony if you have a STATE license. This is also against Scripture! In fact, the State says you MAY NOT call yourselves married UNLESS you DO have their license. Again, against Scripture!!

So what is a marriage, assuming one man and one woman. If you read the above passages, which historically, would date back to Adam and Eve, God marries the couple by the act of their union and the life commitment.

The Jewish process, the church process and the state process are to varying degrees, in opposition to Scripture. Jews leaned more on the cultural ceremony than the actual union before God. The church is mandated by the state to not perform a wedding UNLESS the pastor is both ordained and obtains the license from the couple. The state, it goes without saying, is merely waving off and demanding submission from the church, thereby being in direct opposition to the Bible. Nice.

I am however, proceeding with a ceremony with Natalya, as soon as possible, within 20 hours, to commit before God, although merely committing, and union are the strict result of all the Scriptures I listed. saying the words to each other is the vocal witness before God.

As you know, I am not a traditionalist except when it comes to Christmas. Mom and I both bucked the system throughout our marriage. Both of us believed the church was out of order in many respects. So, in order that gossip may not erupt around what Natalya and I do, we will submit to the eyes of family, friends, and state, to first have a ceremony, then apply for the state license and when we have the money, get married in a church wedding. Natalya and I have discussed this at length. Russia only requires the state license, though the cost is quite high and great numbers of people there live in common law unions. There is less divorce in Russia than here in the US.

Natalya is arriving on the afternoon of the 15th. I will ask her again, to marry me, and give her a ring. This too, is a result of custom, not Scripture. And we will, if a chapel will be open get a ceremony of commitment before our union.

I must say, after studying this topic in detail and calling the chapels, I am really disappointed in the church!

As I understand it, we can, in our house, do the ceremony of commitment with God as our witness.

(Now, before I continue, the one piece of input I have on this is that I think the law has gotten involved in marriage only to avoid people taking advantage of other people.)

As such, there won't be a wedding ceremony or inviting anyone to come. It'll just be the four of us with me and my sister as witnesses in our living room and they exchange vows.

Anyways, that's how this past few month has been (02/24/2014-04/01/2014). Thanks to Quicken, I was able to calculate the final money totals for large amounts:

Medical (our own): $2,000
Helen: $7,577; 1,219,544.51 Nigerian Naira
Sherry: $6,029; 970,388.52 Nigerian Naira
Natalya: $1,800; 64,351.36 Russian Rubles
Sub-total: $17,406

Now, I'm not about to tell him what he can and can't do with his own money. 1) It's his income, 2) it's not like I can stop him, and 3) how do you stop a man with tunnel vision anyways? Besides that, he is already painfully aware that a lot of this money has come out of mom's life insurance check ($25k). But, I'm not overly concerned with him donating money. My parents were donating to charities because they felt called to, as well as to attempt to offset each years taxes. The only thing I'm concerned about is having enough money to buy food for all of us as well as to pay any further medical bills as they come along. But, because my dad has taken more money out of the bank than what he makes in a month, I already know it's a loss.

 

[The Mighty Gerbil]

I could get into a debate on marriage but in this situation I'm not so much concerned about it's legalities. The important point is he is getting tied to a near stranger really fast. Sounds like a hurt person is rushing head long into getting hurt some more. You simply can't replace someone that meant that much to you that quickly. If it does cave in on him make sure you are there to support him emotionally. If he was depressed before I can only imagine what it would be like afterwards. If he knows he screwed up with Helen and Sherry it seems like one should be able to convince him of his current instability and to wait a while before making major decisions like this. I take twice as long to decide on computer purchases than he has taken on marriage XD. If someone truly loves you they will wait. You aren't going to lose anything but the physical element by doing so. Touchy situation you care for him but he is doing crazy things. Maybe if your uncle talked to him but then he might get upset bringing him into it at all. I've no experience with such things so my inclination is to seek out the experience of another adult family member, someone you trust, that loves you and him and has his best interest at heart. I've been praying for you and will continue to do so.

Dad told us about how the church has sort of changed what it means to be saved based on what the culture changes it into. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that you have to ask Jesus into your heart. The only mention about salvation is in the jail cell when the jailer asks one of the apostles how he can be saved. The apostle replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved.”

I assume you are saying this weird Church is saying that not your Dad, right? There are a lot of verses on salvation a.k.a. how to get to heaven. I mean the ubiquitous John 3:16 come on.

 

[crcook84]

I assume you are saying this weird Church is saying that not your Dad, right? There are a lot of verses on salvation a.k.a. how to get to heaven. I mean the ubiquitous John 3:16 come on.

What he was referring to the church as saying was "You have to ask Jesus into your heart." What he was saying the Bible really said is "Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved." And yes, I remember what John 3:16 said. I just forgot about that reference when writing this post.

 

[crcook84]

...The important point is he is getting tied to a near stranger really fast...

He, actually, talked to an MK at an MK picnic he went to recently. They said that men who have been in happy marriages for a long time tend to get re-married again really quickly after the death of a spouse. He says that everything about Natalya (her mannerisms, the way she thinks, and the decisions she's made) reminds him of mom. I'm sure I would have made more of an argument. But, I was too busy being preoccupied with trying to save money anyway I could considering how much he was giving away to be concerned with whether or not he was making a good decision or if I could convince him to get a second opinion. Aside form that, my experience with women was dating someone with depression and PMS. So, I would have waited anyways just because my experience tells me to be cautious. But, I imagine that that experience alone would mean my advice would have been taken with a grain of salt anyways.

 

[The Mighty Gerbil]

What he was referring to the church as saying was "You have to ask Jesus into your heart." What he was saying the Bible really said is "Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved." And yes, I remember what John 3:16 said. I just forgot about that reference when writing this post.

Seems like arguing pointless semantics "ask Jesus into heart" or "believe" it's there. I mean Romans 10:8-10 "The word is nigh thee, even in thy mouth, and in thy heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach; That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation." So what if "You have to ask Jesus into your heart." is paraphrased and not a verbatim quote. As long as there is an accompanying explanation of it I don't see the harm. With all the other un-biblical things Churches push nowadays homosexuality, abortion, prosperity gospel etc. I don't see the point even mentioning it. Along with some of the other things you talked about maybe he's just looking for an excuse to avoid fellowship. I could be completely off base, internet diagnoses, with limited information, by ignorant people (like me) are prone to error.

He, actually, talked to an MK at an MK picnic he went to recently.

Google, and life experiences, have failed me so I'll ask what is an MK picnic?

He says that everything about Natalya (her mannerisms, the way she thinks, and the decisions she's made) reminds him of mom.

Sorry I just can't see "I love you because you remind me of someone else that I can't have" as being a winning quote to say when she asks why you love her XD. One could love the traits themselves and marry her for them but if he isn't looking at a her as an individual, but as a cloned replacement, I foresee problems when she doesn't match up to the original, and she will eventually no two people are identical. I digress though the main problem is he's had a scant few months of long distant communication to determine this similarity and more so her legitimacy.

I'm sure I would have made more of an argument. But, I was too busy being preoccupied with trying to save money anyway I could considering how much he was giving away to be concerned with whether or not he was making a good decision or if I could convince him to get a second opinion.

...and I really, really, pray those goals don't end up being one in the same XD. Though who knows she could be a Godsend but once again real love could wait a few months get married. What could it hurt to say "I believe in you but my children, whom I love, asked me to wait a few months to get married". If she is the real deal she will desire to get along with those he loves.

But, I imagine that that experience alone would mean my advice would have been taken with a grain of salt anyways.

Which is why I suggest getting an adult family member involved. Fathers will sometimes not listen to their children no matter what you say, sorry it's a fact of life. The tricky part is that family member coming off as caring and not meddlesome.

 

[crcook84]

Google, and life experiences, have failed me so I'll ask what is an MK picnic?

First off, MK is short for missionary kid. Someone who spent more time on the mission's field as part of their missionary family than at home. It's akin to a military brat. As for MK picnic, think MK reunion.

Seems like arguing pointless semantics...

I wholeheartedly agree. Both with this and his opinion about marriage. Granted I believe there is some merit to what he says. But, I think those are points that we should consider as individual Christians.

Sorry I just can't see "I love you because you remind me of someone else I can't have" as being a winning quote to say when she asks why you love her XD....Though who knows she could be a Godsend...

I'm not going to say that I believe in what he feels about Natalya. However, what he described her as coming from did remind me of Ruth. She comes from Tobolsk, which, according to him, is a very poor city in Russia. She decided to leave with only a small amount of stuff (she barely had enough in her savings to cover the plane ticket) and come to something that she had no idea what she is getting into. Our family, like Boaz, is now well off and my dad has gone out of his way to prepare the house for her.

Which is why I suggest getting an adult family member involved. Fathers will sometimes not listen to their children no matter what you say, sorry it's a fact of life. The tricky part is that family member coming off as caring and not meddlesome.

My dad did talk to my mom's mother and sisters. The mother and the second oldest were in an uproar about the whole idea. The attitude from her mom was particularly puzzling because, when grandpa died, she just put him on ice and went on vacation with the youngest to Colorado. She didn't even think of dealing with it until she got back. It wasn't until my dad wrote a heartfelt letter to my grandmother that she softened up a bit. However, the second oldest refuses to talk to him. As for the youngest, she's flippant anyways (when my mother was in the hospital, she visited her and bragged so much that, when she left, my mother was so angry that she was shaking). But, she's willing to welcome Natalya with "open arms". Other than that, I gave the idea of us attending grief counseling. However, we only attended that one night and, because the topic was the loss of a child, he was turned off to the idea. He tried to talk to the guys at his job. But, according to him, he doesn't even confide in them about all that much. The only person he got some positive feedback from is his current boss. He's had marriage problems himself. However, when he brought his wife to work, there was an air of closeness between them that only my dad noticed. As such, most of the advice that he's taken to heart seems to be from his boss.

 

[The Mighty Gerbil]

Yes well it's expected talking to your Mother's relatives would get that result.

To be clear I'm not against arranged marriages or mail-order brides they can work. It's simply this time frame seems unreasonable. You are only a few months out of losing someone you love, you just made really bad decisions you wouldn't normally make and now this? What is the rush?

 

[direpath]

I'm not going to delve into the aspect of relationships so soon after losing a wife. I can't say what is right or wrong. From my perspective I would wait some time to make sure I am ready for it, but moreso to make sure my kids would be ready for it. Perception beyond that is not something I would be as concerned about. I would seek to honour my wife even in death.

The money issue sounds like a scam. It reads like every single spam email our system blocks here at work. I need money to sort out the estate of X or to get Y product out for sale. I would call him on that. It is sad that he is being taken advantage of like that. If it is already stopped then I wouldn't make to big a deal out of it beyond making sure he realizes he has been bilked.

I will pray for you and your family that God would help him seek his heart in the matters of love and marriage after tragedy. I pray that he is will make the best decisions for you and your family.