Parents

V

Vanaze

New Member
Parents underestimate their children too often in this day and age, I think. At least from what I've seen. I mean, how often to you see a parent saying, "Yes, be an astronaut honey!" and really mean it? You don't. Why is this? Do parents simply believe their children cannot excede themselves because it would not be expected? What is it that makes parents so certain that when that 10 year old says "I wanna be an astronaut, mommy" that they might not be totally capable of it? While they say "Sure dear, you can do it!" in their mind, they're thinking "Oh, how precious . He's pretending to be an astronaut!" Underestimation.



Van


PS If this sounds too rantish, my bad. Just a random thought that came up after a lecture a teacher gave my class today.
 
Interesting question. I can only speak for myself here but, when my kids say something like that, my response is heartfelt.

Case in point: My son, for several years now has stated, "Dad, I want to be a missionary doctor when I grow up".

My response: "Excellent, I think you'll make a great doctor! But in order to accomplish that goal, you're going to have study biology, chemistry in high school, and then about 7 years of University. With hard work and patience, you'll do it."

I believe in realism with kids. To discourage their dreams, is to stifle them. You're discouraging them before they even start. Parents should encourage their kids, while presenting them a realistic understanding of what's involved in those goals. (I guess depending on their age...you obviously wouldn't go into that much detail with a 4 year old)
 
well for me im a student too and i might have broadend my horizens as a kid if i knew i would have to do surgery and disect junk as a veternarian, cuz i thought u just had fun with animals and gave em pills as a kid. but i couldt stand blood or anything internal. but yeah parents need to be a little more realistic bout stuff
 
I don't entirely get why some parents discourage their children like this.  Perhaps it's that they don't have a very high opinion of themselves (I've got no smart or strong or beautiful genes - no potential, so my kid must not have potential either) or they may have their own regrets that have since turned to cynicism (No one can be THAT idealistic!).  They pass it off as being "practical."  It's a good thing, though, that God's a big dreamer - much bigger than any of us.  He's not a "practical" God.  As Emily Dickinson might have said, He dwells in possibility.
 
One thing I've learned being a parent...its a heckuvalot tougher then being a kid.
And I don't expect my kids to be me, don't want them to be an underpaid, stressed out paramedic, who drank to much and did to many drugs when he was younger.
All you can do is, feed them, cloth, nurture them, give them guidance, support them, teach them the difference between good and bad, right and wrong, and help them make the right choices and hope they do. It helps if they listen, but you cannot force them to hear what you are saying.
Kids today seem to want everything right now.. To even mention that maybe they should work for or try to earn something seems to mortally offend them.
 
Perhaps the interpretation is the problem. I personally don't see anything wrong with thinking, "Oh how precious." I am curious as to why people think it is unsupporting and underestimating the child? There is nothing in there stating they don't believe the child is capable of becoming an astronaut.

The ages of 4-10 are just that. The cute stages. The stage of a child's life where they experiment and take in a whole bunch of areas of life. Learning their likes and dislikes.

Now let's look at it from the parent's perspective. Over the last several years, the child has probably gone from wanting to be a cowboy, to a fireman, to a sailor, to playing baseball, to playing soccer, to this and that and now to an astronaut. It is honestly rather difficult to fully believe the child has suddenly found their calling and won't move on to the next thing. At such a young age, these dreams ARE cute.

Like I said, I don't think the "Oh how precious" thing is the problem. It's the parent's actions AFTERWARDS which are the key. Let your child pretend to be an astronaut. Help them build a rocket using chairs. Watch space videos. Discuss pictures of astronauts up in space. I fully believe parents should encourage their children whether or not they believe that is a child's destiny. To me, that's not the point. As we encourage, it expands our children's minds. Ultimately, the decision is the child's.

Another thing to keep in mind is the idealistic nature we have. This seems to stay with us up into our mid-20's. But around that time, we hit an understanding that we can't accomplish everything. We can't do everything. There is a reality to our thoughts and behavior. In other words, a parent has many years behind them and they know the number of children who aspired to be an astronaut and the number who actually did become one is rather teensy. I'm not trying to say it's OK for parent's to stifle their children's desires, but I want you to get a bit of understanding from the parental side of things.
 
That was my point, Squared. Most parents I've seen will say, "PRECIOUS!" and then do NOTHING afterwards. They don't even encourage them. They just let it fall flat, and go about their business. I see this too often, and I'm still a youngun'. Wonder if maybe it has something to do with dreaming...Seems after about 20 something, dreams go down the drain. They aren't pursued anymore. You just live with what you've been given. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but did Christ come just to give us life? Or life ABUNDANTLY?

I'll take the latter of the two.

Van
 
When you're a kid...you really have no idea of what you want. As you mature you begin to be more pragmatic, practical, too, and think out what is POSSIBLE for you to be.
For me? Definitely not the Poopsmith, but hey, in a younger year, I mighta clamored to be The Cheat.
I wanna be a writer...a teacher at a Christian school or something (I dunno...perhaps even a pastor or something)...or a philosopher. I'm positive I can be both teacher and philosopher at the same time; even CS Lewis was, and CS Lewis is paragon.

I would encourage my kids in what they want to be...but I would not let them grow up with these fanciful images that are not possible.
For instance, I have begun to look at life in three ways: 1. Sarcastic-cynicism (can you have one without the ohter?) (In my opinion, we outlive optimists 1:0)
2. God may do it (possible), but most likely won't (improbable)
3. God has done it (historical), but won't again (improbable)

FOR instance..."Hmm. YEAH! I think we COULD go down that path with the fresh, massive prints leading from man to animal...NOTHING will happen to us!" (Will say with sarcasm to accentuate cynicism)
FOR instance..."Yeah, Mom (big Holy Spirit Peace-pusher; really discourages my cynicism against people who encourage peace among the world), God may just make the world come to peace all of a sudden and we'll all believe in Jesus Christ...and did you hear in the news that hell froze over?"
FOR instance..."Yeah, sure, Mom...God DID resurrect Lazarus, but how many resurrections do you see on Earth nowadays? What? Zero? No way!"

So yeah. I'm a cynic to the end. My mom really hates it. I like it. I think it's more practical than anything else, and your survival rate is boosted to a high percentile by being wary of all things.
I don't want my kids to grow up thinking they can do anything (something Nacirema media loves to push through the boob tube). I want them to grow up with a sense of what they can and what they can't, of what is and is not.
They want to be an astronaut? Get to work on the maths and the physics sciences...screw focusing on English. Get to work on dem numbers!
Writer? Minimal numberal focus...more on the English. Want to be a botanist? Weeeeeeell...let's go to the yard, Brynn and tell me the name of every part of every plant I point out to you. Can't do it? Here's my high school bio textbook. Knock yourself out, Kiddo.

Work with the kids...don't discourage them, and don't encourage them in something they can't do, won't be allowed to do, or will detest (working on your knees as a scullery boy or dealing drugs between South American cartels).
 
Thanks for replying Vanaze.  I did not actually realize that was what you were saying.  So...cool.

[b said:
Quote[/b] ]Seems after about 20 something,dreams go down the drain.  They aren't pursued anymore.  You just live with what you've been given.
Click to expand...

Unfortunately, that's what happens.  I tend to say around our mid-twenties.  What happens is, we go to school in preparation for the workplace.  We get out of college and think we own the world.  When we are fresh out of college is about the peak of it all.  We think we understand it all and know more than someone with 20 years experience.  Then somewhere mid-twenties we get hit with the reality we don't know everything.  We don't have time to think about dreams.  We don't have time to pursue goals.  We are just doing our best to pay bills, live, and eat.  Add in marriage and children, and it gets even more complicated.

I don't really want to paint a bleak picture, but this is what happens to many people.

[b said:
Quote[/b] ] Forgive me if I'm wrong, but did Christ come just to give us life?  Or life ABUNDANTLY?
Click to expand...

AMEN brother!  And I fully believe we can live beyond what I wrote above.  We CAN live abundant lives if we don't let all the junky things get in the way.  I wish more people had the enthusiasm about this like you.  I have a heartfelt passion for relationships and this is EXACTLY the type of stuff I want to shout out to people so they don't fall into the trap.
 
Squared

I totally agree with what you have said. My son is four years old and between wanting to be a police officer and a doctor the next day it is important to support them ... get them a play doctor set and a police playset .... at worst it will be a toy that will only receive "normal" toy treatment .. I also believe to be practical and realistic. My son has some medical challenges that would make it extremely difficult for him to take part in certain sports or to embark on certain careers ... that being said, it would not be impossible (God can heal him in a second if it is His Will) but just very improbable....so we don't discourage certian areas of experimentation, we just dont encourage them and rather focus on the areas where he can kick ass !! Oh by the way, the streets are full of kids whose parents either did not invest time in their lives, or who told their kids they can do anything and caused these kids to self destruct when their dreams fell flat ....
 
That's true. Reality is key because parent's shouldn't paint a totally rosy picture either, only to have their child wounded by the truth.

This just all goes to show, it is not easy being a parent. Honestly, I don't know how people do it without relying on Christ. Prayer has been key as we raise our kids.

I just want to present the parent's side of things. As in any relationship, we need to understand both sides. We need to know what the other is thinking, and that is what I was trying to present in my previous posts.

Boy! One of the things I'd like to see on this site is a place for help in relationships. By relationships I mean, how we relate to others. This can be parent/child, husband/wife, understanding the opposite sex, etc. I've read lots of books on this topic. But books aren't everything. It's helpful to ask a question and know others have gone through the same thing.

Well, sorry if I've strayed off topic, but it all sort of relates.
 
> One of the things I'd like to see on this site...

Actually, I guess we already have something like that in the Prayer and Advice forum.
 
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