Jobs, Church Ministry, and Discouragement

everhardt

everhardt

New Member
Some of ya'll have gotten to know me a bit during the past 3 months I've been playing, and it's been really neat to talk in game and on the forums about life and how God is working in different peoples' circumstances. I really hope I haven't been a jerk to anyone, since I've been really stressed with work and sometimes it can affect my attitude (even though I pray against that every day!).

So, here I go, heart, soul, and all...

I could really use prayer for my job situation. For several years, I worked full time as a music teacher in a local school as well as a part-time music director at a local church. 2 years ago, I attended a worship conference and felt led by God to pursue church music as a primary career, which was an answer to prayer since I really did not enjoy my classroom teaching. I quit my full-time teaching job and have still been working part-time at the church I've been at for 6 years.

The past year and a half has greatly increased my faith, since I've seen God provide for my family, despite the financial burden we carry. Without going into details, I have been applying for full-time church music jobs elsewhere since the church I currently work in is not spiritually nurturing and suffers from poor leadership, both administratively and spiritually. During my job search, I've found that there are very few full-time church music jobs out there, since most churches have completely unrealistic job expectations (they expect 40+ hours of work but only pay for 20 hours without any benefits whatsoever).

Ironically, the church position I'm currently in could possibly expand to become full time, but I'm not holding my breath since this has been dangled on the carrot stick in front of me for the past 2 years by our pastor. I'm still putting my all into the job I do have, but I often feel used and taken advantage of, since it feels like they have used bait and switch tactics to get me to take on additional work and I was too naive to see it coming. My current work hours are at least 40 a week but I am being paid <$20,000 with no benefits of any kind. Money is not an issue at our church, since we've remodeled our sanctuary recently and are purchasing new tech equipment, etc. Even if my church did adjust my compensation, I'm struggling with the fact that our church does not value Christian Education (children and adult sunday school) very much and there are basically no avenues for my family to grow deeper spiritually there (Bible studies there are really just social fellowship times). I want my son to grow up seeing the body of believers as a living, breathing testament to God and his faithfulness, but our church is more of a social gathering hub. My wife and I pray about this daily, since we work extra hard to lead vibrant spiritual lives despite everything that our church is not.

I've been interviewed for several full-time positions but have yet to receive any offers - this morning I received another email stating that I was not the right fit for a church that I earnestly prayed for an opportunity to serve and work in. It's been a year and a half now of searching, and I am feeling broken and discouraged through this whole process.

I hope that all made sense, and that ya'll won't think I'm too crazy.
 
I'll definitely be praying over this.

I work in a non-profit business, and there's always the expectation that people do more work than we're really compensated for, so I know how discouraging that can be. It's too easy to play the "we're all in this together" card that you just can't get away with as easily in a profit centered business.

To top it off, you have the sticky tangle of having your workplace and your church family as the same thing. It's hard to have to deal with things like money and job responsibilities with people who are also supposed to be like family. It makes it a lot harder to have a frank discussion about being asked to do full time work while not being compensated enough to support your family.

One thing I will point out is that things like renovations and equipment are easier to pay for, because they are one time, high-profile expenditures. It's harder to get people to donate toward staff salaries and benefits than to a new building or sound system. I don't know the specifics of your church's situation, but it might not be as simple as having enough money, but not being willing to spend it. Then again, it might.

Have you been able to have a polite, but frank conversation with your Pastor explaining that you are doing full time work, but that your salary isn't enough to support your family? Can you bring it to him and say you are going to need to take on some freelance work on the side (teaching lessons?) and that will limit the hours you can spend at your church job? Would it be possible to talk with him about setting a specific date and circumstances for expanding the position to full time? Some sort of marker that you know the church is able to do that, and a date by which it needs to happen?

One other thing to think about. Completely separate from the job portion, it's just as important to think about what God might want your family to be doing in a church as much as what your family can get out of it. I'm part of a very small, inner-city church, and have seen families leave because there was no formal education for children. One of the reasons is that there are very few families with young children in our church. One of the other reasons is that nobody was volunteering to take on providing children's education. Children's ministry is one of the hardest things to find people to do in a church, unfortunately. There are some very solid reasons for that, but that's probably straying off-topic. At any rate, there are ways to find education for children outside of your church, like youth groups in other churches that provide them, if God wants you at a church that doesn't provide much for your kids.

Over the years I've heard many, many explanations for why people leave a church, though they often joined the church declaring that God had specifically brought them to it. The usual ones are that they aren't receiving what they need from the church and that they feel the Lord is leading them in a different direction than the leaders of the church are taking it. It's entirely possible that God has them in the church anyway, because of what they are supposed to be supplying to the church.

Which is all to say, it's entirely possible it's time for you to leave this church, but I'd counsel to make sure you are asking the Lord whether he wants you there, trusting that He can answer in a way that is clear to you, and leaving open the possibility that even though there is every good reason to leave, He has another plan. We don't think about leaving our families because they aren't providing what we need, and it's easier to think in terms of what we should be providing our families. I see every indication in scripture that this is the way we should be thinking about our church.

I know having your job tied up in that makes things all the harder.

I'm praying for you. It's a wonderful thing that you have a praying wife, because between the two of you it will be much easier to hear the Lord. God bless you!
 
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Enok,

Thanks for the insightful and quick reply. I appreciate your prayers and support - it's neat to hear from someone who understands just how complicated the situation is!

You're definitely right about not focusing on what my family gets out of the church, and perhaps my wording wasn't very good to begin with. I have always known that as part of my calling to church ministry that I'd be working extra hours without compensation or recognition, but this experience has shown me that there is a definite line to draw with that. I really do enjoy what I do, even when everything around me is a work in progress. However, my concern is that there are very few members of our congregation who have an active spiritual life (I am not judging hearts - just an observation based on interactions with those around me). It has occurred to me (like you said) that God may want us here to help guide our church back to being more God-focused, but as you said, it is extremely difficult when church and job are one and the same. I pray every week to prepare myself for worship, since our Pastor is not God-focused in his preaching and rarely even refers back to the Scripture that he reads as his key verses. That's more what I mean when I am concerned about my family's spiritual well-being, among other things. :(
 
Gotcha. Yes, that's very tough.

It's so much easier to walk away from a situation when it's clearly not scriptural. So much harder when it's in some sort of middle ground.

Your in my prayers.
 
Steve - thanks so much for this post. This is what a Christian guild is about. Game chat free of dirty words is dandy, but in my mind this is why we're here...people being willing to be real, and others being able to help or encourage them. We are certainly no replacement for a church, but I believe we augment that in a unique way, especially being attached to the 'net. So thanks again for being so bold and honest; these aren't easy things to talk about.

Enok's response is fantastic! I'm going to second the "be specific". Based on your words, "dangling like a carrot on a stick", you surely believe they are using that as a tool to take advantage. You don't need to demand a date, but by trying to move the conversation to a specific, you can find out very quickly how real they are about it. This works for anything work-related - promotions, new positions, raises, etc.

Also agree you need to look for God's direction on where He wants you, and of course that goes without saying...more trying to be encouraging. But it seems to me that regardless of whether or not you stay, you have some actions to take. I'm a big fan of the Matthew 18:15-17 approach: “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Based on your post, there is no question that you are being taken advantage of, and that is wrong. It's not a question of how much you get paid/etc...it's the fact that there is no question of bringing you on full-time later. You're already full time, are you not? While there's no legal definition for it (US labor laws are terrible), no sensible person would consider 40+ hours to be less than full time. I believe I've read that "workers deserve to be paid" somewhere. There's also the issue of the mutual understanding of being temporary part time, but full time later. 2 years is not temporary; and it's more than enough time that even if it does happen, damage has clearly been done.

Bringing it back to Matt 18, you have clearly already met the requirement of going to them alone, and might try once more to attempt to get a very specific date. But if that does not work out, who are the others? An elder or two? Whoever happens to be at the next church staff meeting when you bring it up as an issue? Conflict resolution is very difficult, and those are bold moves, but if you are seeking God and doing these things in love you'll do great. And if this is something that's been going on for a while (IE: "he's been telling me for 18 months they'd like to bring me on full-time "soon"), you'll do fine. It's not like it looks bad on you to bring that up, you've served faithfully...and if this is a budgeting issue as your pastor says, it seems like a completely appropriate venue to bring it up.

"Spiritually-led" side...that's a very tough issue. I would encourage the other staff, as I would encourage anyone, to seek God. Same rules as above - talk to them first, in love. Again, that's very tough, especially with a pastor...but what do you do to follow up? Bring more along? Run it up the flagpole? Eventually bring it to the church? If your pastor really is not God-led, it's time to get a new pastor. Those are huge steps and so easy to write, but what else are you to do? What can you do with an individual who does not correct things when not only you, but a group go together? Of course, I assume your pastor would get much more spiritual if it wasn't just you bringing an issue to him.

Remember, you are probably not alone. Clearly we and God are with you, but I'm referring specifically to your peers - both staff and church members. It's likely others have similar feelings. Not suggesting start an angry mob, but you probably know who these people are. If there is someone on staff who you think believes the certain way, consider unifying. See if members like that scripture is left out/etc. Don't gossip; simply look for support or feedback. "Hey, I've been feeling ..., am I being unreasonable?"

Clearly if God does want you sticking around on an issue, it isn't to do nothing. Part of saying you're called means you have to do something. :)

Also remember, you may very well be alone, same context as above. If the other staff members are in a good ol' boy club, and direction of the church is clearly not changing, and the members are enamored with the pastor, what can you do? Even the best seeds will not grow on hard/bad soil. Still seek God first here, and be cautious about leaning one way due to frustration, but this again is a large indicator that your place is elsewhere.

Summary: that got more verbose than I meant it to...so I'll just say you have some actions to take in my opinion, regardless of the direction. Seek God to the direction and specifics, continue to pray with your wife, and go forth boldly, non-abbrasively, and lovingly. Every single one of your issues should either fall into a "not my problem, giving it to God" category, or into "I'm going to boldly take this God-led action, even if it makes me uncomfortable, God please give me the strength!"

Be encouraged, great things are ahead! Even if they're not-so-great for you. :)

Edit: possible you'd be looking to relocate or work a music teaching job at a private Christian school? I'm not sure what it was about the music teaching you didn't like, but that might open additional doors if you're open to that.
 
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Ryan, I appreciate your response and encouragement.

It's tough for me since technically I am the eldest staff member (other than the custodian) in terms of seniority. Both our youth pastor and senior pastor have changed while I've been working at the church, and the way our hierarchy is structured, the pastor is my boss, and he in turn reports to the Elders, who are his boss. Our church had a lot of turmoil about 15 years ago (I didn't find this out until after I began working) and has a history of being the good ole boys club you mentioned; in fact, probably 60% of our congregation is related either via blood or marriage (I'm not making this stuff up!). I've taken my concerns directly to the pastor and to the Elders, including a specific list of my weekly activities, correlated work hours, and a proposed update to my job description. The last I knew, they were looking this over (it's been 4 months now and I've pushed for updates). My wife works part-time to help make ends meet, so we're fortunate to be breaking even right now.

There are several other factors that contribute to my doubts about our pastor and Elders, but I am not comfortable posting them on the forums; I'd be happy to chat in person, but I want to avoid gossip and focus on the way through this, seeking God's will.
 
Everhardt,

I will also send prayers out that God gives you the wisdom to persevere through this crossroad in your life and career.

Ryan is correct and the scripture he quoted is true, that is the path and scripture you need to follow. I find it ridiculous that the church has spent money on upgrading the sanctuary and on a tech systems; worship is from the heart and willingness to project it to our Lord, not how well it is done. That money should have gone to you, again fancy equipment does not draw in new members either. A solid worship program will. If the pastoral team and the leaders of the church are not as one on reaching out to the community for growth and saving souls - if they are only concerned with the 60% of the entrenched members, walk away. I know it may sound harsh, but I have seen it too many times where the leadership becomes too complacent and develops a "good 'ol boy attitude" and lets key members call the shots of the wellness and mission of the church rather than follow God - it will not end well in the long run. They will not grow after a time or it may end up in a church split. This all happens because they stop listening to God and believe they have all the answers and make choices like they are now, going through pastors, not paying staff what they truly deserve.

I honestly believe you need to take some serious time to meditate with Christ and the Lord on this matter and bring it up to the leaders of you church, regardless of the outcome. If you need help mediating, Abilene Christian University has an excellent Christian mediation program, you may have to dig in the website to find it. I could also network you with some names to you in your local area if you are interested.

On the secular side, I work professionally as a job placement specialist. I can also critique your job search strategies for you if you are willing to let me help, just send me a PM. The best methods of successfully landing a job presently in this highly competitive market is a very dynamic job search network and forcing yourself to break out of your comfort zone you have established for a job search.

May God bless you in this path brother!
 
Hi All,

Thought I'd give an update on how things have been going. I've been extremely busy the past few weeks and haven't been in game much :(

The good news is that I will be hired full time at my current church come July 1 - with a very low but acceptable salary with benefits (which is a huge praise). I'm sensing God's timing in this since my wife and I have been hoping for a second child and just found out that she's expecting. Fortunately, it'll be covered under the new insurance without a waiting period whatsoever. The other good news is that our worship ministry is making some good steps in the right direction - working through issues that were distracting our services from being God-focused and championing a new vision of coming to worship eagerly excited to encounter the Living God.

The bad news, however, is that our church is still not placing much emphasis on God's Word, whether in sermons or outside Bible studies. In working with our Elders I've been disheartened at how little interest they have in the spiritual wellbeing of our congregation and staff; they just want things to be "okay" week to week. I've been blessed to find out an old friend of mine is back living near us, so he and I have been meeting weekly to encourage each other and talk through the Bible/worship, etc (he is a worship leader as well). I've been applying for several full time jobs on the East Coast with several follow-up email questionnaires, etc but nothing more. I recently attended a Christian conference for church leaders and was greatly encouraged that I am not alone in the grand scheme of things (which I knew in my head but didn't feel in my heart), so I'm faithfully continuing in my ministry work while still seeking the Lord's will for a possible new job.

I can follow up in-game or on TS with anyone who'd like to know more details, since I'm not comfortable posting them here (the whole internet anonymity thing). However, I appreciate your prayers and also your support. I hope to be back in GW2 more regularly!
 
Glad to here God is working for good in your life, as He promises to do in His word. As far as a new little one, Wooo Hooo!!
 
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