Toj TF2 Game Night it's like when you prestige in Call of Duty after you've done everything else.
Now if you could only dual-wield hats Akimbo, I mean two heads are better than one.
...After a troll the Grinch had to know if players did flee but what did he see?
Looking in the browser he exclaimed "Wowzers"!
They play without maps!
They play without hats!
They play without kills!
They play without skills!
They play without low latency only showing complacency!
They play without the latest comboozlers, RBG spewers, or upgrade thingmadoers!
Then the Grinch thought perhaps Toj TF2 Game Night was something a little bit more...
...Spam, puns, and memes, he had completely missed the big three.
Merry Christmas to you and Happy Birthday to Jesus!
6 For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.
7 Of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end, upon the throne of David, and upon his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this. Isaiah 9:6-7
...this world needs you now as always Jesus. Merry Christmas.
It's the day after Christmas and you know what that means, Leftovers!
Specifically leftover maps. So put on that itchy sweater Aunt Matilda knitted for you and join us for Toj TF2 game night, starting now.
After Christmas depression? This one's for all you TF2 hat collecting addicts who have gone emo...
(For reference the original song is here, original lyrics are in the spoiler if desired)
It starts with one
One thing I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal
It's so unreal, didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know
I wasted it all just to watch you go
Watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how I tried so hard
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised it got so far
Got so far
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There's only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There's only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
It starts with one
One hat, I don't know why
I'm gonna keep collecting them until I die
Keep hats in mind, I refined the grime
To exchange in due time
All I know
Dinnertime is a voidable thing
Watch me buy high as my benjamins wing
Watch my account go down to spend all of my pay
New stock nicks cash away
It's not a deal
It's not a deal, digits pay out below
Watch my dimes go right out the trade window
Turning trade hold on, but it didn't even slow
I wasted it all on Scotch for Demo
Scotch will flow
I klept everything in sight and even though I plied, it all felt K-mart
What it means to me is an accessory in my inventory of a time when I got trade barred
I got trade barred
And Mom took my card
But in the end
I'm just a mad hatter
The market have to fall
To wear them all
But in the end
I'm just a mad hatter
One hat, I don't know why
I'm gonna keep collecting them until I die
Keep hats in mind, I refined the grime
To remind myself how I got trade barred
I got trade barred
In light of the way you were friend blocking me
Acting like I wanted your property
Remember all the times you bought from me
I'm authorized to allot so far
Want a car?
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end
In the end
I klept everything in sight and even though I plied, it all felt K-mart
What it means to me is an accessory in my inventory of a time when I got trade barred
I got trade barred
And Mom took my card
But in the end
I'm just a mad hatter
The market have to fall
To wear them all
But in the end
I'm just a mad hatter
I'll give my trust fund to you
Mortgaged as far as I can go
For all this
There's only one thing you should know
I'll give my trust fund to you
Mortgaged as far as I can go
For all this
There's only one thing you should know...
How much for your unusual?
...For the next song maybe I should write "I've become so dumb" .
After last week's post Christmas depression it's time to liven things up again by doing the Carlton dance!
Remember folks Tom Jones officially exists in the TF2 story line. (The song reference is here, the original lyrics are in the spoiler if desired)
It's not unusual to be loved by anyone
It's not unusual to have fun with anyone
But when I see you hanging about with anyone
It's not unusual to see me cry
Oh, I wanna die
It's not unusual to go out at any time
But when I see you out and about it's such a crime
If you should ever want to be loved by anyone
It's not unusual
It happens every day, no matter what you say
You find it happens all the time
Love will never do, what you want it to
Why can't this crazy love be mine?
It's not unusual, to be mad with anyone
It's not unusual, to be sad with anyone
But if I ever find that you've changed at anytime
It's not unusual to find out I'm in love with you
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh
I got an unusual to be donned by anyone
I got an unusual to halve fun for everyone
But when I see you hanging about with everyone
I got an unusual to see me go Spy
Oh, you're gonna die
I got an unusual to go Scout at any time
But when I see you log out and shout because my crime
If you should ever want to be shoved by a short gun
I got an unusual
It happens every day, no matter what you play
You find your life ends all the time
Fear will never do, where you running to?
I chant this crazy hat is divine!
I got an unusual, to be a fad for everyone
I got an unusual, to be plaid with my medigun
But if I ever find that I've changed into a mime
I got an unusual to bind out "I'm above all you!"
Dr Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh
My vanity! My hubris! I guess you could say I let the unusual HATS Peek and Voosh gave me go to my HEAD .
Another melodious masterpiece awaits your eager ears.
The original reference song is here to listen along with.
[Verse 1]
Well, I don't know why I came to game night
I got the feeling that something ain't right
I'm so scared a Spy will cutoff my derriere
And I'm wondering if I'll get downed on the stairs
[Chorus]
Scouts to the left of me
Snipers in my sight
Here I am
Stuck as a Medic with you
[Verse 2]
Yes, I'm stuck as a Medic with you
And I'm wondering if you've played TF2
It's so hard to keep this simpleton in place
Losing control points all over the base
[Chorus]
Scouts to the left of me
Snipers in my sight
Here I am
Stuck as a Medic with you
[Post-Chorus]
Well you started out with rushing
And you're proud of your self traded ham
And then "friends" they all come trawling
Stab you in the back and you say
Eeeee
Eeeeee
[Verse 3]
Trying to make some offense of them all
But I can see they get dispensed in a brawl
Is it cool to go to weep on the floor?
'Cause I don't think that I can take anymore
[Chorus]
Scouts to the left of me
Snipers in my sight
Here I am
Stuck as a Medic with you
[Post-Chorus]
Well you started out with rushing
And you're proud of your self traded ham
And then "friends" they all come trawling
Stab you in the back and you say
Eeeee
Eeeeee
[Verse 1]
Well, I don't know why the Demo won't fight
I got the feeling that the Pyro can't ignite
The Soldier is scared and won't take to the air
And I'm wondering how we'll get anywhere
[Chorus]
Scouts to the left of me
Snipers in my sight
Here I am
Stuck as a Medic with you
[Outro]
Yes, I'm stuck as a Medic with you
Stuck as a Medic with you
Here I am
Stuck as a Medic with you
...admit it all experienced Medics have been there at some point XD .
The original lyrics if desired.
[Verse 1]
Well, I don't know why I came here tonight
I got the feeling that something ain't right
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs
[Chorus]
Clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right
Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you
[Verse 2]
Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you
And I'm wondering what it is I should do
It's so hard to keep this smile from my face
Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place
[Chorus]
Clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right
Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you
[Post-Chorus]
Well, you started out with nothing
And you're proud that you're a self-made man
And your friends, they all come crawling
Slap you on the back and say
Please
Please
[Verse 3]
Trying to make some sense of it all
But I can see it makes no sense at all
Is it cool to go to sleep on the floor?
'Cause I don't think that I can take anymore
[Chorus]
Clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right
Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you
[Post-Chorus]
And you started out with nothing
And you're proud that you're a self-made man
And your friends, they all come crawling
Slap you on the back and say
Please
Please
[Verse 1]
Yeah I don't know why I came here tonight
I got the feeling that something ain't right
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs
[Chorus]
Clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right
Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you
[Outro]
Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you
Stuck in the middle with you
Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you
Did you ever have to make up your mind?
To purchase a game and leave the another behind?
Sales are often briefly and you cannot rewind.
Did you ever have to make up your mind?
Did you ever have to finally decide?
And say yes to Ark and a dinosaur ride?
There's so many changes and glitches Devs hide.
Did you ever have to finally decide?
Sometimes there's one for big newb guys, Lethal Company,
Where scares abound too near, and costs little money,
And just when you think the one is Palworld
Sus art gets stolen and Lovander makes you hurl,
Did you ever have to make up your mind?
To play another game and leave invites declined?
It's not often TF2sday and it let's you unwind.
Did you ever have to make up your mind?
Sometimes you really dig a game, it's momentous on Twitter,
And then you get distracted by Hyper Light Drifter.
Then another looks better and takes up your time,
And says, "Better go on Chrome, son, and research online."
And then you bet you'd better finally decide.
And play hats with guns and put the other one aside.
You can always exchange it and say you still tried.
Did you ever have to finally decide?
Obviously playing TF2 is the superior choice.
The original lyrics are in the spoiler below.
Did you ever have to make up your mind?
And pick up on one and leave the other behind?
It's not often easy and not often kind.
Did you ever have to make up your mind?
Did you ever have to finally decide?
And say yes to one and let the other one ride?
There's so many changes and tears you must hide.
Did you ever have to finally decide?
Sometimes there's one with big blue eyes, cute as a bunny,
With hair down to here, and plenty of money,
And just when you think she's that one in the world,
Your heart gets stolen by some mousy little girl,
And then you know you'd better make up your mind.
And pick up on one and leave the other behind.
It's not often easy and not often kind.
Did you ever have to make up your mind?
Sometimes you really dig a girl the moment you kiss her,
And then you get distracted by her older sister.
When in walks her father and takes you in line,
And says, "Better go on home, son, and make up your mind."
And then you bet you'd better finally decide.
And say yes to one and let the other one ride.
There's so many changes and tears you must hide.
Did you ever have to finally decide?
The original music for sing along spam time is here.
Why does Gerbil write many
Songs about weirdos
And what's on the client side?
Weirdos are provisions
The only solutions
As weirdos have kept the server alive
So you've been told and some choose to precede to it
I know they'll throng wait and see
Someday we'll find it, the server connection
The pubbers, the players and memes
Who said that every wish
Would be heard by a map steward
When wished to an admining czar?
Somebody thought of a map
And someone retrieved it
Look what's that? A wacky car
What's so amazing that keeps player count raising
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the server connection
The pubbers, the players and memes
All of us get a hard sell
We know that it's probably melodramatic
Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling to game
Is this the Steam sound
That calls the young players?
Your choice might be fun or be lame
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
It's something that's just supposed to be
Someday we'll find it, the server connection
The pubbers, the players and memes
Ta-ta-ta-tee-ta-ta Two
Ta-ta-ta-ta-Tee-F-Twoo
...the actual server connection is 64.74.97.17:27015, those voices are probably schizophrenia, and now this weirdo needs to go make a SFM video of a muppet Gerbil singing on a log .
The original lyrics for reference are within the spoiler below.
Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions
But only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide
So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong wait and see
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me
Who said that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that
And someone believed it
Look what it's done so far
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me
All of us under its spell
We know that it's probably magic
Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name
Is this the sweet sound
That calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it:
It's something that I'm supposed to be
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me
Da-da-da-dee-da-da dum
Da-da-da-da-dee-da-da-doo
Like every good sailor we too must ask...
"What do you do with the drunken Demo er-lie in the gaming"?
Stab his back with a rusty razor?
Put him on a tug boat 'til he owns her? (a koth_Tug-O-War boat ;D )
Shiv him like a pubber with his bagpipes on him?
Put him on Red enrapt in slaughter?
...or do them all by inviting him to Toj TF2 Game Night, starting now!
Play-day and up she reprises
Play-day and up she reprises
Play-day and up she reprises
Surely every Tuesday.
Note I didn't write out the whole song as it's rather repetitive.
Gerbil isn't going to be able to write a new spam for a while but since most of our current TF2 players never saw the beginning I thought we could do some retro flashbacks. I actually can't find the txt file with the oldest ones but let's start off with a vintage 2015 one for connoisseurs (or older I can't tell for certain). Internet archaeologists delight.
Do you suffer from...
The Harlem Shakes?
Planking?
Political Correctness?
Toj TF2 Game Night
Do you have an excess of...
Sleep?
Getting Things Done?
Quality time with family?
Toj TF2 Game Night
Just listen to these satisfied customers...
Random Player #463 "I've tried other game nights but it turns out I was playing in the afternoon. For years I was staring at the sun thinking it was the moon until Toj TF2 Game Night set me straight."
1337 M45t3R Ch31f "I used to believe games were meant to be fun but Toj TF2 Game Night cured me right quick. Thanks Toj TF2 Game Night!"
Gabe Newell " Buy my Hats!"
Yes Toj TF2 Game Night is the only game night scientifically proven as being a game night because of reasons. Still not convinced? In a random polling of Chippawa, Ontario we asked "What is Toj TF2 Game Night?" and they over whelming responded it was a game night...
30% It's a game night.
29% Not a game night.
15% Undecided.
25% When do I get paid for this?
1% Eaten by bears before they could complete the survey.
So if you too would like a cure for all the aliments that you didn't know you had join Toj TF2 Game Night now... or be eaten by bears.
(Note I am adding a few spams here that I've already sent for the record)
Would you could you play a game with spam?
Would you could you beat a man with a ham?
Would you beat him in a hat?
Would you beat him as Scout with a bat?
Should you play with Toj?
Come on out and go hurray!
It's Tuesday you know what that means!
KITTEN DANCE PARTY!
Wait you say we haven't any dancing kittens?
Well I guess we'll have to settle for Toj TF2 game night, but feel free to meow randomly!
Tired of those other game nights that fail to live up to expectations?
Just listen to unsatisfied Mortimer Klutz...
"Nahoy I am unsatisfied with all the other game nights not living up to the expectations."
Now hear him try Toj TF2 Game Night...
"Wowwee now that's a game night! I am full of pep and vinegar and popular with the ladies no less!"
You heard it here first folks. Try Toj TF2 Game Night now and get that minty fresh breath your peers will be envious of!
Act now and we'll throw in a second TF2 game night next week absolutely free! Shipping not included, offer not valid in states abbreviated with two letters.
...and the most important day in your hat related diet "TOJ TF2 TUESDAY" starting now!
Part of a balanced meal and if it's not I'll eat my hat... which would make it true and then I wouldn't have to.
For Halloween I've rewritten a song because there is nothing scarier than a Gerbil rewrite. Play the original song here so you know the tune and the original lyrics are is in the spoiler.
[Chorus]
Spooky, scary skeletons send shivers down your spine
Shrieking skulls will shock your soul
Seal your doom tonight
Spooky, scary skeletons speak with such a screech
You'll shake and shudder in surprise
When you hear these zombies shriek
[Verse 1]
We're so sorry, skeletons, you're so misunderstood
You only want to socialize (But I don't think we should)
'Cause spooky, scary skeletons
Shout startling, shrilly screams
They'll sneak from their sarcophagus
And just won't leave you be
[Bridge]
(Ooh-ooh-ooh) Ah, ah, ah, eh
Ah, hurr
[Verse 2]
Spirits, supernatural are shy, what's all the fuss?
But bags of bones seem so unsafe (It's semi-serious)
Spooky, scary skeletons are silly all the same
They'll smile and scrabble slowly by and drive you so insane!
Sticks and stones will break your bones
They seldom let you snooze
Spooky, scary skeletons will wake you with a boo!
[Chorus]
Spoofy, spamy Gerbil pms send invites out online
Defeating trolls will be your goal
In your room tonight
Spoofy, spamy Gerbil pms speak with much très chic
You'll shake and mutter, roll your eyes
When you hear the dumb cheese this week
[Verse 1]
We're so sorry Gerbil pms are so misunderstood
We only want to socialize (like homies in the hood)
'Cause spoofy, spamy Gerbil pms
Spout startling, silly memes
They'll sneak into your hippocampus
And just won't leave you be
[Bridge]
(Ooh-ooh-ooh) Ah, ah, ah, eh
Ah, hurr
[Verse 2]
Critics, unilateral decry, what's all the fuss?
But gags thrown seem so to chafe (It's semi-serious)
Spoofy, spamy Gerbil pms are silly all the same
They're puerile that babble drolly by and drive you so insane!
Quips you bemoan will break your backbone
They seldom let you snooze
Spoofy, spamy Gerbil pms will sate you with TF 2!
Cozy up by a Pyro's pilot light it's TF2 Christmas song time. The original song is here, the improved version is below. Original lyrics in the spoiler.
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir, and folks dressed up like Eskimos
Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe, help to make the season bright
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow, will find it hard to sleep tonight
They know that Santa's on his way
He's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly
And so I'm offering this simple phrase, to kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways, Merry Christmas to you
And so I'm offering this simple phrase, to kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways, Merry Christmas to you
Chucklenuts roasting from an open fire, jackknife nipping at your clothes
Cool team apparels being sought for acquire, and folks dressed up like grotesque shmoes
Everybody knows a mercenary and some missiles thrown, help to make the Tuesday night
Toper Scots with their eye shall explode, they'll find it hard to sleep tonight
Do you know that Gaben's on his way?
He's coded lots of alloys and hoodies for your play
And every murderous child is gonna spy
To see if Engineers really know how to cry
And so I'm offering this simple phrase, to kids who come to TF-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways, Merry Christmas to you
And so I'm offering this simple phrase, to kids who come to TF-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways, Merry Christmas to you
