I really need you guys right now

[Stc95]

I'm really hurting right now. Like, I'm crying as I'm writing this. I'm in college right now and I just got a phone call from home today and my mom told me my pastor had an affair. Our church is really small and he WAS our church. I looked up to him. His son is like my best friend and our families were really close. He had an affair with someone else in our church and the two families were really close too. He's not going to be the pastor anymore and they are going to try and work things out, but his kids are really hurting, I can't imagine what his wife is going through, and I have no idea what is going to happen to the church. That church is my family, my life. I grew up in the church with those people. I'm so scared right now. The congregation doesn't know yet, but they will on Saturday and I have no clue what is going to happen. I know God is going to use this to glorify Himself somehow I'm just having a really hard time. That church, family, means so much to me. I'm so scared with will happen to it, to my friends, to me. I just really need you guys right now.

 

[Kendrik]

/hug

 

[ursen]

It's on my rotational prayer list until further notice.

 

[Neirai the Forgiven]

Stc95, I can't imagine what that would be like. But, let me reassure you -- your hope and salvation lies not in the fallible members of your church, but in the unrelenting and dependable God that lies behind and holds up your church.

I can't really fathom the storm of chaos that is about to break loose in your church, but I do know that God is faithful. Hold on to him and don't give in to fear.

Let me tell you, I believe that this will make you stronger if you hold on to Christ. Your post says that church was you family, your life. Actually, it would be better of Christ was your family and your life. I'm not saying this to beat you around, just observing. This time is going to be a huge trial for you in every way, but I pray heartily that it becomes the kind of trial that reforges a stronger you.

I also pray for the members of your church, that they would learn the true grace and forgiveness of God, and that as this trial hits them upside the face, that what is revealed is of God.

I pray also for your pastor. I don't know the circumstances of the affair, but I know that he's in a lot of trouble now. I pray that he leans on Jesus, rather than wallowing in his guilt or rejecting the responsibility of doing the right thing.

Lord Jesus, have mercy.

 

[Bowser]

Neirai said it far better than I could.

My thoughts and prayers are with you Stc.

 

[Ember]

I don't have much I can say either (I agree Neirai said it quite well), but my prayers are added. I only have a much smaller idea of what it's like to see someone you look up to and respect screw up in a way that hurts people you love. Praying for you, all the families involved, and the church. Your "family" will always be your family, even if it takes on different forms. God is cool like that, and He is way bigger. Sorry I don't have much to say, but I wanted to post something so you know you have the prayers and support. Hang in there.

 

[SKLURB]

Several years ago the male pastor of my church began *privately* counseling a female member and they eventually began to have feelings for each other and who knows how far it went, but it was devastating to the church. Initially, many people left, disillusioned. A new pastor came in and the church, although broken initially, has continued to thrive and grow. It just takes time, but something good will come from this.

I am very sorry to hear this happened, and how hard it will be for you for awhile, but you will get through it eventually. Unfortunately, the hard part has to come first. I hope it doesn't sound like I am trivializing your situation. I think what has happened is serious and the biggest blow will be in how this is going to stumble his wife, family, friends, the church, and the people around him. I will pray for your situation. In times like this we need to have faith beyond our lost hope that something better is around the bend.

 

[Stc95]

I hope it doesn't sound like I am trivializing your situation.

It doesn't. I've actually heard quite a few stories like that today, sadly enough.

Sorry I don't have much to say, but I wanted to post something so you know you have the prayers and support. Hang in there.

I appreciate that more than you could understand right now. Sometimes I just feel completely alone in life, and now with the possibility that I could lose my church family, it's like I'm staring into a black hole. Simple words make all the difference tho. Thank you

Your post says that church was you family, your life. Actually, it would be better of Christ was your family and your life.

Aye, in retrospect that did come out wrong. But my church has played such an important role in shaping who I am and who I am in Christ, but you are true, Christ is the center of my life.

This whole day has been centered on pretty much what you've said. I've been telling my friends that I typically draw closer to God in times of trials, but I think if I was still in high school and didn't have my friends in college I wouldn't have gone towards God. But I am, God and I have been talking all day long, giving me answers before I finish asking questions. God is good, even through chaos.

/hug

It's on my rotational prayer list until further notice.

Thank you guys so much. Love is all I can say.

 

[silverleaf]

Saturday church?

Anyway, maybe he didn't start out like that. Maybe he got tempted, did some stupid things, fell away. Happens to a lot of people, and pastors ain't exempt from temptation.

While I do not condone his actions, I believe his community should support him (ok, maybe not back into ministry - not YET) so that he can hopefully make a comeback. At least he is confessing, or did he just do that as if it wasn't a big deal? Maybe he is repentant thats why hes confessing.

Maybe it will be a good idea NOT to tell those who can't handle it, and do it proper in a counseling room and set up measures for depression, suicide and all that. May be unnecessary, but if it affects you so deeply, it may just push someone over the edge.

//feels bad man, *hug*

 

[RyanB]

Very sorry to hear this tragedy. I'll ditto the above and will be praying for you, your families, and pastor as well.

Anyway, maybe he didn't start out like that. Maybe he got tempted, did some stupid things, fell away. Happens to a lot of people, and pastors ain't exempt from temptation.

As others have said, some good things can surely come out of this. One is a reminder for us all to guard our marriage. If we're married (or plan to marry some day) we need to have a solid plan in place to say very, very clear of this temptation.

I'm going to go hug my wife now. Please keep us updated STC, and let us know if/how we can help.

 

[Atown]

Neirai - your awesome and summed it up about right.

Your salvation and personal relationship with Christ is in no way affected by this and because people around you were human, just goes to show how much more we need accountability, especially among guys. So much more I have found we need that accountability because sometimes we just dont think straight.

Have you found a church at your college yet?

 

[Kyrel Ruth]

Praying for you, Stc, and all involved.
.

 

[Abba San]

So sorry, Stc. I know you hurt so bad because you love everyone involved so much.

Two families are absolutely devastated - many more deeply hurting - a church wondering what it is going to do next - it is all a real tragedy.

Neirai summarized what most of us are probably thinking right now. We will pray for everyone involved. Wisdom - healing - God's hand to clearly move.

We'll be praying for you, especially. You're a good, godly guy. We hear your heartache. It makes our hearts ache, too.

We will...weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15 (NLT)

We love you, brother.

 

[Abba San]

Stc, I wanted to add one other piece of advice. I'm sure you are wondering, "What can I do?" Well...here is one thing:

The pastor's son - your best friend - he needs some personal words of encouragement RIGHT NOW. More than most kids, a pastor's kids are affected by what their dad says and does. He needs to know that you still love him - no matter what his dad did or what the outcome of all this is. An IM, PM, text or email that lets him know you care, are not blaming or judging and that you still love him.

I'd do that right away. Don't worry that you don't understand or have an answer. He just needs to know you are still his friend.

 

[silverleaf]

Very sorry to hear this tragedy. I'll ditto the above and will be praying for you, your families, and pastor as well.



As others have said, some good things can surely come out of this. One is a reminder for us all to guard our marriage. If we're married (or plan to marry some day) we need to have a solid plan in place to say very, very clear of this temptation.

I'm going to go hug my wife now. Please keep us updated STC, and let us know if/how we can help.

True, but even with the best precautions, given time, things don't go according to plan. I think as hard as this sounds, the pastor may be the one needing the most support here if he is to stop sliding into the darkness.
His world is collapsing around him, everything he built up is no more and his closest friends are gona reject him.
Not saying he isn't responsible for his actions. Just saying he needs a way out/solution/"what now?" as well.

 

[Durruck]

If he's done his job as a preacher, he would have taught the value of forgiveness. He would also teach the fact that he, like everyone else in the congregation is a sinner. That does not excuse his behavior nor make it acceptable. But everyone needs to keep in mind that he is just another human, like the rest of us. Those of us without sin should throw the first stone.

I would assume that a sabbatical is in order, while he gets his personal life figured out. In the meantime, just love him and his family. It's going to be hard enough for everyone involved.

I would hope my church family would find a way to forgive me if all my dirty laundry came to light. Like everyone else, I'm a sinner on the road to recovery. It'll be complete when I die and reunite with Jesus on the other side.

Stc, we're praying for you and the rest of your church family. Sucks to have to go through this, but remember that you're not alone. We're all here with you, and most importantly - so is God.

 

[Wizard Bihuq]

Praying for you.

 

[Stc95]

I'd do that right away. Don't worry that you don't understand or have an answer. He just needs to know you are still his friend.

I did message him on Facebook the day I learned, along with his sister, which is a close friend as well. She responded back today saying she is really tight with God and trusting in Him, so I'm rejoicing that she is benefiting from this. I haven't heard back from my friend, I'm going to call him soon.

Thank you again everyone that is praying. I am learning to rely on God even more and I am starting to see His glory come through. I'll keep you guys updated on the church status. I'm predicting a few weeks of awkwardness, he won't be there for a while as he and his wife will be away at a retreat for when stuff like this happens to help rebuild themselves. And while I expect people to leave, I think most of my church is pretty forgiving. Idk, we'll see. But I'll definitely keep you guys posted. Please continue praying for me and my church and my pastor and his family. God bless you guys

 

[Baddwin]

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, Stc. Unfortunately, I've been through a very similar situation with my current church. It's been 9 years now, and the church is healthier than ever and our former pastor is doing great as well. He submitted completely to pursue a directed journey of reconciliation and recovery. He's no longer involved at our church, but was 'relaunched' into ministry by our church after a two year recovery. He now has a ministry serving those who are hurting, have fallen, need recovery, etc. You may want to check it out at http://www.rockbottomministry.org/. I'm not sure if it could be a resource for your pastor, but he really needs to seek out those who can walk alongside him over the next season of his life.

It's tragic that us sinful humans can have such an impact on God's work and people in a negative way, but God is constantly about redemption if we're willing to submit to Him.

You and your church will be in my prayers.

 

[Tek7]

I don't think I'll be able to add much to what people have already said, but I wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you and your church. I know you're already aware that our faith isn't (or shouldn't be) dependent on others, but there's no denying--and should be no denying--that dealing with the fallout of a pastor's infidelity is going to be painful for the congregation.

Digital communication, as ever, is limited. Nevertheless, we are on hand to offer whatever encouragement and help we can. We will, of course, also continue to pray.

There are many people in our community who care about you, myself included. I hope this brings some solace even in a very difficult time.