Ok its time for an update...I dunno why i post here i guess i dont have an outlet which is satisfactory IRL.. or maybe i can trust you guys more behind my pc screen. Though i would certainly prefer to talk to you guys in person. Anyway....
I dunno whats been going on with me recently...The only word i can use to describe it is...hollow. Since i have been deviod of a female interest all my friends seem to have got hooked up with them.. I made the decision to not bother with girls...period. I dont know if he will bring one to me or if i will not ever meet one.. either way at this point i dont care.
Removing my search for a girl from my life has shown me just how much effort i put into it before. I cant seem to get motivated to do anything. My time with God has suffered, not for lack of wanting to but i just feel so..hollow. and i dont know why.
I am being consumed with work and i dont seem to be doing anything else. Its wearing me out. Its preventing me from doing things for God.. i am ready to just quit.
So i gave the newsletter to GP because i ouldnt do it with the right heart. As much as i wanted to do it , i just couldnt get motivated to do it. I would have only been doing it out of routine.
I want to publically apologise to litsafalda in this post. She reached out to me during this and i wasnt there when she needed a friend. Something i can never turn back and something i regret with all my heart.
I am trying to seek God and find my passion for him again but from some reason he eludes me. I cant seem to get anywhere and am just sinking slowly. I am only posting this in the vain hope that something one of you says in reply will spark off that fire again.
Andy you read my bio, i have struggled with what you are going through now. I love you brother, you know that and words can not express nor the screen display the sarrow i have seeing you hurting so.
I know that saying God is enough is not what you want to hear right now.
Andy, find something that can consume you, for me it was Work, it did not matter, i went to church and put on the show of being a "good" Christian, inside i was hollow, atleast at work though i could consume my time and energy and only had to deal with my self the 30 mins in the morning and the 1hr at night basicly when i woke and slept. It sucks man not having that inner peace and joy. i dont know anything else to say, press on. just keep going no matter what, God willing, we will have you in tulsa or atleast the states soon, around brothers and sisters you love and hold dear. Andy if i could fly to England tomarrow and see you and just be there for you, know i would with out looking back. I love you brother, hold on, keep pressing on know that you are loved.
Thanks guys. AS i posted this i was getting results from God. I had asked him earlier in the day to just show me something.. An he has not let me down.
For those of you who were talking to me yesterday, probably noticed my mood lift as the time passed. I cant say that im totally back to normal. But God did help me on the way. Your support has been great.
Thanks to Jon, Litsafalda, Bowser, LoJ who are always there for me. Hopefully i can return the favour.