DPS, Gear, and Self-Worth

Chaska

Chaska

New Member
I am currently reading a book by Donald Miller called Searching for God Knows What and as I get through the first few pages of the eighth chapter I am struck with my lack of humility and trust in God. Miller is commenting on how as humans we are constantly comparing ourselves to others and from that comparison finding self worth. Trivial things that don't mean much in the grand scheme of things can make a person very upset. Little things like someone cutting in front of you in a line or cutting in front of you in a lane. It will cost you a couple seconds to a couple minutes, and that isn't all that much. But it feels like a slight on you as a person, it feels like that person has decided that their needs are more important and your needs are trivial. Miller wrote "somebody cutting in front of you on the road is only going to cost you a second but it fees like something more; it feels like there is a penalty for not being respected by other people, it feels like you are going to die unless you get some kind of respect and appreciation...we are comparing ourselves to one another and if somebody says they are better than you,it makes you very frustrated inside and you get sad or angry or bitter about it." Miller then goes on about how we were created to gain our worth from knowing God loves us and that the link providing that knowledge has been broken by the fall: "God wired us so that He told us who we were, and outside that relationship, the relationship that said we were loved and valuable and beautiful, we didn't have any worth at all...God made everybody and the Bible very clearly states He loves everybody [therefore everyone is equal]. But, as Paul said, if those relations are disturbed, the relations between God and man, then we feel the desire to be loved and respected by other people instead of God, and if we don't get that love and respect, we feel very sad or angry because we know that our glory is at stake, that if there isn't some glory being shone through us by somebody who has authority, we'll be dead inside, like a little light will go out and our souls will feel dark, like nothing can grow there." And it's funny, cause its the little things that people do that hurt me. It's my menial short-comings that get me depressed. For example, DPS and gear. I enjoy playing WoW. I enjoy it when I do well at playing WoW. I am not the top of the DPS list. Sometimes, it feels like the tanks are right on my tail for DPS and as a DPS spec it makes me feel lower on the ladder. I start comparing myself to other DPS spec characters. I would make petty comparisons to justify myself as a worthy player. I mean, I may not have the highest DPS but in that run that time, I was the only person de-cursing the whole 25 man raid when there were 6 people able to. Their selfish attempts to keep their DPS numbers high make me a better person. Like I said, petty, but I felt the need to justify myself. I wanted people to think me worthy to raid with. It was easy to fall into the lies that DPS and gear gave me self-worth, which it never does because, as I found, once you have 1600 DPS there are people around you with 2000-2600 DPS and it just is never enough. Reading the book, I was convicted about this petty behaviour. It reoccurred to me that it isn't about me and fulfillment can only be found in relationship to Jesus Christ. I mean old news I suppose in The Forgiven guild but there it is. I mean it's good to strive to do well. But truth be told, I get more pleasure and joy listening to Eric sing and to Giggles giggle and relating in a fun way with the wonderful people in the guild and in the SGA than 5-digit crits and that one time being 2nd only to Atavus on single-target dps in a 25-man raid. Those latter moments are kinda cool, but fleeting and really quite empty. If I was a good writer, I'd know how to finish this in a meaningful way that wraps up my thoughts...but hey, I musician and as far as I'm concerned the strongest way to end some thing is V I.

Pax

PS. I apologize for the lack of spaces separating thoughts and any grammar/spelling errors. My editor (John) was in the car driving home from school when I wrote this
 
Thanks for sharing this. It is a great lesson. The most important relationship still is the personal one with the designer of the human being.
 
Great post Jacki!

Yes, I want to run Naxx, OS, Heroic versions of the same and more. But in the end what I enjoy most about those runs is the teamwork, comraderie, and good fun running with the guild. Epic loot is fun, and when my hunter hits 80, so is DPS. But, I like end-game content because we all get to run together.
I posted a run on Feb 2nd for a 25 man Heroic Naxx. I know we may not get far, but I'm also posted it so we can get 25 guildies running an instance together. That to me is fun. Eric singing and epic loot is a side benefit. A couple of noob moves (most likely by me) add to the fun.

As far as your DPS goes - meh. I am more than happy to run with you (and John) anytime!
 
Wall of Text crits you for 99999. You die.

Seriously tho, thank you for sharing, Jacki. You make some important points. I like to remind myself that what is important is what you gain outside of the game from playing the game. Take this BBQ we're planning for the summer. An awesome opportunity to meet with some people that we never would have met or known without the guild, without the game. The relationships we build with people in game are what is important.

That being said, I think if you are part of a team (raiding is most certainly a team sport) it is also important that you fill your role to the best of your ability. As Christians we are called to do good work in whatever we put our hand to. Do your best job PEW PEWing that you can! :D
 
Yeah, I don't think she is saying it's not important to do our best at w/e we are doing that's Godly..(Job, sports, w/e) but for her it was becoming her main or more of a source of how she evaluated her self worth. Rather than having it filtered through who she is in Christ and the value that's imputed via his work and growing in that daily. The more time you spend with Him the more secure you become emotionally, the less time.. and that starts to fade.. and the world has an easier time manipulating you and replacing the truth about your true value with it's own..which is typically SOLELY based on physical beauty, wealth, performance. And all of these things are fine to possess for sure..the issue is when we allow them to define our self worth apart from God and it becomes an emotional roller coaster. It also effects our witnessing..because we are less likely to tell anyone the truth..if there approval is more important then God's in our life..

It's an issue of spiritual, emotional security and where that ultimately comes from. It's fine to work hard, play hard...and try to perform well..using our talents..The problem becomes when it's solely to win the approval of others..because our self esteem, self worth is wholly defined by it. Rather then God being the inspiration & foundation of our efforts. It's a emotional, foundational issue: coming to these things as a spiritualy whole/sound person looking to give, vs lacking spiritual fullfillment and trying to gain it else where.
 
I've actually strongly considered removing Recount from my computer. I know it's important to see a count to know if you can do certain things (like kill Patchwerk,) but in the end, numbers don't describe teamwork well.
 
The reason that I would use Recount as DPS or even as a healer is not to see who's on top, but because it also does a VERY good job of telling you how many misses you had, dodges, parries, glancing blows, etc which can be VERY valuable feedback when evaluating your gear.

EDIT: However, if you feel that the mod is causing you to sin, remove it. There are things like WWS that can do the same thing post-raid.
 
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Chaska said:
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This is very interesting. The first part of the book you summaries is based on a theory called self-worth motivation theory from a book by Martin Covington and "someone" Beery (1976 from memory). I am actually doing my PhD on self-worth in teachers using this theory and how the constant need to prove ourselves competent leads to a whole host of negative and often contradictory behaviours that can lead to stress.

Having said that, I would not give yourself such a hard time for the following reasons:
1. Covington has shown over the years that this type of behaviour is often the result of a society that is set up in a way that people only have value if they are better than, bigger than, faster than. In such a society the petty behaviours you have described are not really petty but pretty logical attempts to maintain self-worth. Yes we as individuals need to find our self-worth in God but we also need a transformation of our culture. This is why I do not play WoW as it seems to me there is a culture that you are only as worthy as what you can contribute to the group with out regard for your personal abilities or other limitations (i.e. I dont want to have to spend 6 hours a day farming armor just to be seen as a worthy member).
2. The other thing I would say is that because this need for self-worth affirming messages via superior performance is so strong when we recognise it and try to change it we often just transfer this issue onto another subject matter. I have seen lots of christians accept Jesus because of his value in them as a person only to turn around and either start giving others a hard time or themeselves a hard time cause they are not good enough.

As a result of this even in my christian and gaming life I have begun to focus more and more on achieving my personal bests and getting satisfaction from that with out reference to how I compare to others. As an example I have had a goal now to begin to restore my relationship with God. I know that I am a long way behind many others but instead I focus on the little improvements I see in myself everyday. If I am still growing or progressing, then it does not bother me that I am not as strong or not growing as quickly as others. Likewise in GW (which I believe has less scope for what you are talking about here) I have goals of my own and I rarely if ever ask how other people compare.

A quote by Gardner - There is a way of measuring excellence that involves comparison between people – some are musical geniuses and some are not; and there is another that involves comparison between me at my best and me at my worst. It is this latter comparison that enables me to assert that I am being true to the best that is in me – or forces me to confess that I am not.
 
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Hello ppar, good to see (read) you again.

find our self-worth in God but we also need a transformation of our culture.
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That's how the transformation happens, from the inside out. We can play a part in this and should. We can emotionaly insulate ourselves, as we grow in truth, from wordly, emotionally destructive manipulation.

As for making yourself valuable to others so you have something to contribute.. (your job, sports, w/e) that's a Godly thing to do, just measure it by Godly standards.

(Speaking on Brotherly love)

1Th 4:11 And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you;
1Th 4:12 That ye may walk honestly toward them that are without, and that ye may have lack of nothing.

(Measuring value, justification)

2Co 10:12 For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. 2Co 10:13 But we will not boast of things without our measure, but according to the measure of the rule which God hath distributed to us, a measure to reach even unto you.

My fear is..that It could go from one extreme to the other: Trying to measure up to a worldly standard as a source of complete value..or.. misplaced guilt because other's have an inferiority complex and are jealous of any of our success..because there standard is worldly. If someone feels bad just because I work honestly/hard.."That I might lack nothing"..as Paul says. That's not an internal fault, issue I have, but they, of which I'm willing to help them with. We need to get to the point where we can be truly happy for the Godly success of others while being strong enough not to get carried away with the worldly definition of value.

So I geared up in wow so I could participate in the content and contribute to others. Not because I assumed that eternal life or spiritual fulfillment was at the end of my WOW journey: that came before Wow. So I won't be ditching any mods or any other device that I consider valuable to improve my performance, just because at times it reveals to me that I'm not contributing my part. I want to know. I hope.. I'm emotionally secure enough to know and either defend my contribution, or admit it's lacking. There are also times when we are going to be with those who are weak..and think self worth is completely based on materialism../ performance..and they might either bluntly tell you this or perhaps subtly introduce the idea.. They have not exposed any flaw in us unless we feel guilty.. They have exposed their own.
 
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Woven said:
Hello ppar, good to see (read) you again.


So I geared up in wow so I could participate in the content and contribute to others. Not because I assumed that eternal life or spiritual fulfillment was at the end of my WOW journey: that came before Wow. So I won't be ditching any mods or any other device that I consider valuable to improve my performance, just because at times it reveals to me that I'm not contributing my part. I want to know. I hope.. I'm emotionally secure enough to know and either defend my contribution, or admit it's lacking. There are also times when we are going to be with those who are weak..and think self worth is completely based on materialism../ performance..and they might either bluntly tell you this or perhaps subtly introduce the idea.. They have not exposed any flaw in us unless we feel guilty.. They have exposed their own.
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Firstly, Hello nice to read you again to.

I am very much in agreement here (this is scary me and you agreeing on stuff so much recently). One of the reasons self-worth motivation has not done so well in recent years has been the misapplication of it by policy makers, teachers, etc. What happened was that people took the idea that if self-worth was reliant on achievement and failure threatened that then we should make sure kids never experience failure. Hence the rubbish you see every now and then about schools who don't use a red pan and kids sports that don't keep score. Of course this is plain silly, the problem is not the failure or the comparison it is what the self-worth is contingent on. In fact personal failure and modeling of others success are essential to life success. Indeed, I can see how the WoW counters could be excellent in measuring successful attainment of personal goals as well as it potential damage if it becomes both to strongly attached to your worth as a guild member and too externally focused on how you compare to others regardless of whether such comparison is actually relevant to you (i.e. if you are a casual player and are comparing yourself to some 10 year old who plays 2000 hours a day). I think in essence DPS counters are dangerous if they are used as a measure of success. However, as Danny has mentioned, if they are used as a resource to achieve personally relevant goals then I think they are extremely useful.

In passing I agree that cultural change is in part an inside out phenomena but I also know that the relevance on contingent self-worth based on comparative success is so strong in western society that it cannot be achieved individually. Indeed it is something that has even infected our churches to a large extent in recent years. I think like most things it is most helpful to take a systems approach that look not only how you can change but what role the guild, church, school, etc can do together to support and maintain that cultural change. It is the sort of thing that does need a sponsor though so props to the OP for recognizing it in themselves and seeking ways to overcome it both individually and collectively.

Disclaimer: My comments related to not playing WoW were not related to yor guild. I live in a bad time zone for you guys so I would be joining an Aussie guild of which no christian ones exist. My experience with Aussie WoW players is that they are frequently scared into playing in order to maintain there status in the guild and those I didn't want a part of that. Hence I play GW.
 
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Interesting discussion.
My self-worth is based solely in Christ. I enjoy the fellowship I have with a great group of christians who actually contribute to my spiritual growth in a game. I try to do well in the game, realizing that my behavior & attitude reflect on my Lord. However, playing the game is an entertainment and to an extent excape from some severe pain I am having due to an old injury. In all honesty, I do not enjoy the game enough to be spending the time I do in game. If I could find a way around the pain, my time in game would be limited. I do not play the game to be a witness of Christ, but do so to the best of my ability.
That said, I am not trying to justify playing WoW or my behavior, but since it is a part of my life, I want Christ to live through me even in this venue. I strive to gloify Him. Bottom line: do all to glorify God. That is true worship. Human value outside of God deserves the destruction shown in the story of Noah. Noah was not perfect in his relationship with God, but his value was in his relationship with God.

Thanks for your prayers in my behalf.
 
Thanks for this thread. I have been doubting my DPS as a hunter the last while, afraid of joining heroics and 10 or 25 mans. I know I have some good gear already but am afraid of letting others down, which is why I solo or help in lower dungeons often. I needed this reminder that the fellowship is more important than the DPS, and that if I can complete one heroic with others and not cause wipes, I am good enough for me to try others :)
 
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