Doubts of Salvation

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Phrankdatank

New Member
Alright, during the past 4 years or so I've been having real doubts concerning whether or not I'm really saved, and I'm worried about this.

Here are several reasons I have doubts of my salvation.

1. I'm emotionless when it comes to hearing about the story of Jesus' death on the cross for my sins. For some reason, I display very little emotion about things, including that. Now, I do have a little bit of joy when I help someone out and feel obligated to someone when they help me out and seek to return the favor, but then again even unsaved people do that.

However, when it comes to the death of Christ, I do shudder about how painful it must have been for him, and do give mental assents of thankfulness for His willingness to do that, but I don't really feel anything emotionally or inside my heart. In addition, at my church when everyone else is in worship standing and jumping and singing praises to God with hands lifted, I'm usually sitting down reading the church magazine.

2. In addition, back in 2002 I trained myself not to cry and told myself that "it made me look weak", and I'm still repulsed by the idea of crying today. Is that a sign of pride and a sign that I'm not really sincere?

Now, when I slip up and cuss or say something I shouldn't, I do feel a little something in my heart telling me that it was wrong, but I read stories of people winding up in tears over even the slightest of things they do wrong. I do ask God to forgive me when I slip up, but I find myself doing it over and over like an unsaved person, and the Bible says that Godly sorrow leads to repentance, which is a change of mind about something that leads to a change of life.

This leads to point 3:

When I read the Bible and find an attribute in me unpleasing to God, I ask God to help me in stopping it, but when the temptation comes I generally fail to resist it. Having lustful thoughts about women when I wake up/go to bed and also having a tendency to get angry at the slightest things, leading to me cussing. I've had those problems for over 10 years, even before I started going to church. My failure to stop these problems has caused me to wonder whether or not I'm really saved.

4. For the past year or so, I've had bad dreams concerning Judgment Day and the Tribulation period. Its often dark, cloudy, and even raining very hard and I'm SHAKING in fear over the idea of having to resist the Mark of the Beast, which is spiritually fatal to those that take it, according to scripture. Now, in those dreams I do not take the mark, but I'm very close to breaking under the temptation and the dream ends while I'm under that pressure. I even had one dream where I was taking this test given by the Lord himself, it was a survey type thing comparable to those things in school where you pick "Strongly agree, slightly agree, neutral, slightly disagree, strongly disagree", and it was three choices per attribute that I had, and I thought about lying and saying that I was good in all areas but decided it was best to be honest since Christ already knew how I was. Ended up back on earth in the middle of Washington DC afterwards for some strange reasons.

I've prayed and prayed about this issue and asked around my family and fellow church people, but have not been satisfied by the answers I've gotten.

I've even prayed to the Lord to save me if I wasn't truly saved, but that doesn't satisfy me either.

So what I'm wanting to know is this: Am I truly saved, and is there a way of knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt of whether or not I'm saved?

I need this answered badly, I do not want to wake up on Judgment Day and find myself going to the wrong place due to believing that I was saved when I really wasn't.
 
Here you go man, from my perspective.


First, the fact that you even have this kind of struggle shows that you desire God- which is super important... so don't downplay that.


We are God's children. He has such an awesome love for us that he came to Earth, went through the temptations of the world, and then was spit on, mocked, and nailed to a tree... for us.. sinful, evil people.

At times I have 'doubted' my salvation, but really, I come back to the realization that God loves me, and he knows my heart. I don't believe he is going to eternally punish someone that is trying to follow him and desires him.

I think you're completely downplaying grace here.
"Grace means that God is on our side and thus we are victors regardless of how well we have played the game. We might as well head for the showers and the champagne celebration"
"The prayer of the poor in spirit can simply be a single word: Abba. Yet that word can signify dynamic interaction. Imagine a little boy trying to help his father with some household work, or making his mother a gift. The help may be nothing more than getting in the way, and the gift may be totally useless, but the love behind it is simple and pure, and the loving response it evokes is virtually uncontrollable. I am sure it is this way between our Abba and us. At the deepest, simplest levels, we just want each other to be happy, to be pleased. Our sincere desire counts for far more than any specific success or failure. Thus when we try to pray and cannot, or when we fail in sincere attempt to be compassionate, God touches us tenderly in return."
both those quotes are from Brennan Mannings "The Ragamuffin Gospel"
although i'm not sure if they will help or not

Our job isn't to be perfect, because we aren't going to be able to be perfect. You shouldn't be fearing your own salvation, God loves you and Jesus died on the cross to secure your salvation, but because of that gift he gave us, it's our duty to spread the GOOD news to the world and try to repay God as best as we can.

I feel like I kinda have the same thing when it comes to Jesus' death on the cross. I have a really hard time of understanding and empathizing fully with what Jesus did for us but I don't think that is exactly my fault? Maybe it is?

oh and also, when it comes to worship at your church, I love to worship God, but everyone does it differently... granted you probably aren't worshiping if you're just reading the church magazine.. so maybe you should try worshiping during that time? idk..

maybe people will disagree with stuff I said... i'd be happy to discuss it more


oh and I guess my final note. If you're coming to God in prayer, and you truly desire to please Him and be with Him, He isn't going to send you away.. especially not send you to some eternal punishment. (imo)
 
I am going to be honest. The Holy Spirit has only laid the following passage on my heart.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.
John 3:18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.
John 3:19 And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil.
John 3:20 For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed.
John 3:21 But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”

The issue of salvation is simple. God sent his Son to pay the price of our salvation. There is no other way to get to heaven but by Jesus. My question to you is....Do you believe that? Do you accept Christs sacrifice on the cross as your price for salvation? I don't mean do you believe it happened but do you truly believe Jesus to be who he says he is and do you accept it? I admit it was hard for me to believe he would do that for me, but that's because I can not humanly fully understand the measure of Gods love for us. I promise you this, God loves you so completely beyond measure. I will pray he gives you peace and wisdom as you struggle with this. God Bless and we love you!
 
I think that Jason put down a good foundation of thought for you.
Unfortunately we cannot truly answer this question for you. This is something you need to answer yourself.
Thankfully the answer is simple. Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, part of the Holy trinity?
Do you believe that Jesus came to this earth and died on the cross for your sins?
And finally, do you accept him into your heart and accept that you truly are forgiven?

You see, the things that you worry about are things that a lot of Christians worry about. No one is perfect and thankfully our loving Lord knows that. You truly sound like you are trying to be a good person. We all slip up though. It sounds to me from your dreams that you are worried that you wont be good enough to get into heaven when the time comes. Please remember that it is not by works that we get into heaven, but by Christ alone.
On my final note, I think that it is good that you are evaluating your life, it keeps you in check. I encourage you to read the scriptures given to you by Jason (cgdoc) and pray.
We will also be praying for you.
God Bless you now and always, Kimberly
 
I went back into prayer after I posted that, and after a while of praying I opened my Bible to James 4:7 which says "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.", and I realized then that my problems, including my breaking under the pressure during those dreams, were due to a lack of submissiveness to God.

It isn't enough for me to just resist the devil, because in my own strength all the devil has to do is apply enough pressure long enough and I'll crack under it, and that's what God convicted me of. Relying too much on my own strength instead of His strength, and of lacking in the areas of prayer and Bible study, as I don't read my bible hardly enough. I read websites on Christian stuff, but I realize that's no substitute for the Word of God.

And in those three dreams I had about the tribulation period, I noticed a consistency between them where I was screaming, wailing, worrying, and running around like a madman when I should have been praying and asking God's help in resisting the Mark of the Beast. I've come to realize that God does use dreams in speaking to people and can often be simulators of how we would act should a similar situation arise in the real world if we remained the same.

In Jeremiah 17:5-6, it says "5 Thus saith the LORD; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the LORD. 6 For he shall be like the heath in the desert, and shall not see when good cometh; but shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, in a salt land and not inhabited." Which I then realized to mean that when I'm depending on my own strength to resist temptation that my heart is actually turning away from the Lord.

So in short I had to repent and ask God to forgive me for my failure to rely on His power and instead relying on my own strength, of which I have very little.

"Thankfully the answer is simple. Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, part of the Holy trinity?
Do you believe that Jesus came to this earth and died on the cross for your sins?
And finally, do you accept him into your heart and accept that you truly are forgiven?"

Yes to all three of those.

And I realize that it isn't by works that we are saved, but at the same time I realize that if one's faith does not result in any changes that their faith is dead, and that's the part that scares me. I'm afraid that the cussing and lust problems, which originates back to my unsaved days, are evidence that I haven't really been born again and given the new nature.

Thanks for the prayers.
 
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God made people of all different emotional make up. Just because you don't cry does not mean your not emotional. It could be pride, it could be stubbornness, it could be in-compassionate or it could just be the way God made you :D As long as you are continually seeking God and are remaining open to the conviction of the holy spirit I would not worry. You're not perfect, none of us are. And we are continually growing and learning as we all will until he comes. But like I said earlier he knows our heart, and he loves us. God is patient and diligent, he knows you are struggling with this. I have done things in my past I am not proud of. I regret doing/saying them. I know it was wrong and sinful. But I also know I have asked for forgiveness and I repented. So it does us no good to dwell on them. That's not a license to do it again.

2Chr 7:14 if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

1John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Ps 86:5 ​​​​​​​​For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.
Ps 86:6 ​​​​​​​​Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer; listen to my plea for grace.
Ps 86:7 ​​​​​​​​In the day of my trouble I call upon you, for you answer me.

No where is there a requirement for crying in the mix :D

Also the fact that you recognize your sinful says a lot.

All this to say take joy in the fact that forgiveness and salvation is a gift. You can't earn it. We would never measure up to the requirement to "earn" salvation or forgiveness.
 
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You may want to look at this book: Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. It appears you may have made some poor decisions about your emotional health. We have an emotional God who wept, who is jealous, who is anger etc etc etc and we, being made in Gods image are also emotional beings.

I've read it through, I am on my second reading of it. While it may not deal with your specific questions it will help you understand the very real emotional side of yourself.
 
I've come to realize that it's ALL about looking unto Jesus, not looking to anything in myself and whether or not I'm sorrowful enough or anything.

2nd Corinthians 4:4 says "The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God."

Which means that Satan would rather have an unbeliever look at ANYTHING other than Jesus.
 
Thanks all for sharing

smile.gif
 
I'd just like to post and say thank you a lot to all of those who prayed for me and posted in here helping me with the issue. God bless each and every one of you.
 
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