A few things I need advice on. =/ (semi-rant)

[Skibabinz]

If this thread is completely inappropriate for this section of the forum, I'm sorry. I just really need some advice on this stuff, but didn't think about the relevant section of the forum until I was done writing it.

So this summer hasn't exactly been the greatest for me. To start, I was failed in one of my college courses by a professor who didn't come to class over half of the semester. This resulted in my financial aid being denied, and after spending 2 months filing appeals, meetings, writing letters, phone calls and the like, I finally was awarded aid. This entire time I was going down a rocky road with my girlfriend of 3 years. We had moved in together due to the rising costs of room and board on campus, and found a small apartment just off campus that was vastly cheaper than 2 dorm rooms, as well as a new job (I held a job with the university for 2 years prior).

At first it was decent for about a week, then we started in on each other over the slightest thing. While it may sound one sided, but most of the time I wasn't "allowed" to complain about work (First time working at Wal-Mart, and I got in during inventory -_-) because she told me, and this is word for word, "My father doesn't complain, and if you are any sort of man you wouldn't make me work as is". Shortly after that, I decided to leave my job because I felt she and I weren't getting along, and if I moved back home for the summer, we could fix things. She seemed like she was very happy for this idea, and that it would help our relationship vastly. I get home, and not even a week later she calls me crying "You abandoned me!", so I drove 3 hours at 11:30 pm to be with her.

I came back home after a week, and we down periodically every 2 weeks or so to stay a week with her, and would come back home. This lasted about 2 months, and 2 days before my birthday she calls me and says "I'm sorry, but I don't love you anymore. I haven't for a while. And if you must know, I'm talking to another guy, and he's actually here with me if you must know." I then hear this guy laughing in the background, at which point I tell her its fine, she can have him. I later found out through a mutual friend that she told everyone we were broken up after I moved out, and that it was okay because she had a new "boy toy".


So heres my question. While I've basically shed all feelings for her since I cannot stand a cheater, how do I move on from this? I mean I keep wondering if I get into another relationship, how can I trust the other person? I don't want to be paranoid and accuse them falsely, but when this happens, its hard not to =/.

Another thing thats pretty unrelated, I've been considering changing my major. I'm currently a Geology major, and while I absolutely love how the Earth, and all geological formations work, volcano's mainly, I just can't help but feel my heart is elsewhere. I'm thinking about becoming a history major, but I know that if I do I'll want to go to graduate school, then later doctorate school to become a professor and historian, most likely in some field regarding religion and ancient history. My only worry is being able to afford it, so what should I do? =/

 

[Abba San]

Sorry that happened, Skibabinz. Most people have seemingly valid reasons for moving in with their current partner (more economic - take it to the next level - true love - testing the waters) without realizing they are going to end up as one more statistic. Cohabitation ends up in brokenness most of the time. Sorry you found that out the hard way.

How do you get over it, move on? Start seeking the Lord. I'm sure you think you were already doing that, but not if you chose to move in with your girlfriend. God wasn't going to bless that in your life. You found that out after the first week. Go back to seeking him - see where that leads you.

How can you trust another person? I'd hold off on another relationship until you are back with God the way you should be. The worst thing you could do is go looking for a relationship when you don't love yourself or others the way you should.

About changing your major...don't - not in the immediate aftermath of brokenness. Most people change their major sometime along the way in college. There is nothing wrong with that. BUT - it sounds like you are trying to deal with your grief/hurt by plotting out a new life for yourself. Spend some time seeking God. Let him bring some healing. Then start making wiser life determining decisions.

Praying for you, brother.

 

[Skibabinz]

Sorry that happened, Skibabinz. Most people have seemingly valid reasons for moving in with their current partner (more economic - take it to the next level - true love - testing the waters) without realizing they are going to end up as one more statistic. Cohabitation ends up in brokenness most of the time. Sorry you found that out the hard way.

How do you get over it, move on? Start seeking the Lord. I'm sure you think you were already doing that, but not if you chose to move in with your girlfriend. God wasn't going to bless that in your life. You found that out after the first week. Go back to seeking him - see where that leads you.

How can you trust another person? I'd hold off on another relationship until you are back with God the way you should be. The worst thing you could do is go looking for a relationship when you don't love yourself or others the way you should.

About changing your major...don't - not in the immediate aftermath of brokenness. Most people change their major sometime along the way in college. There is nothing wrong with that. BUT - it sounds like you are trying to deal with your grief/hurt by plotting out a new life for yourself. Spend some time seeking God. Let him bring some healing. Then start making wiser life determining decisions.

Praying for you, brother.

Thank You.

I honestly feel as if the relationship I was in wouldn't have lasted much longer than it did. The week leading up to her revealing that to me, she barely spoke to me at all. If I called her, I was yelled at for not giving her space, and I hadn't felt the same in a while, but I kept at it since I'm not one to just "give up" on something I hold dear. I've come to realize through prayer that I think I was more brokenhearted at losing a 3 year relationship than losing the other person in it.

With that said, about my major, one of the main reasons I went with that major in the first place was because I wanted to provide a great life for the family she and I, at the time, hoped to build once we got out of school. When my advisor told me of the field of Mud Logging, and how with a bachelors in Geology I could make 70 grand a year at it, but have absolutely atrocious hours, I jumped on it with only the 70 grand a year in mind. While, like I said, I do love Geology, its mainly Volcanology that interested me.

Given that I've been a history buff for years, and if I chose a direction in that, it would be anything from Native Americans, Early American History, New and Old Testament scholarship, and really the history of Religion in general. I often spend more time telling people about events that I find fascinating in the past, than I do about Geology, and when I do speak of Geology, its usually "Yea I'm a Geology major. Turns out you can make 70 grand a year with just a bachelors ". If money were the only reason I chose a major, I would feel like I disrespected the field. I know that if I were still with my ex, she would dog me about how I need to think of our future family first. I just feel its time I thought of what my heart feels is my path, and I feel God guides me through that.

 

[Dimederwin]

I agree with Abba San, do not make radical changes at this time. If you are not currently, then I would highly recommend spending sometime everyday reading the word and praying to God. See where he is leading you. I am truly sorry you had a bad break up, and as someone who has been betrayed by a loved one before, I know it takes time to trust again. It is not easy, but it can also be a blessing. I would say it is the time in my life that I really started to read the Bible and pray as often as I should.

One other thing I think you might want to look into is what a Godly relationship should look like. Our society seems to down play the importance of it, and it is not easy, but if you do find another, and keep the relationship centered on God you will find so much more in that relationship, than in a secular one.

I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Atown]

I agree with Abba San, do not make radical changes at this time. If you are not currently, then I would highly recommend spending sometime everyday reading the word and praying to God. See where he is leading you. I am truly sorry you had a bad break up, and as someone who has been betrayed by a loved one before, I know it takes time to trust again. It is not easy, but it can also be a blessing. I would say it is the time in my life that I really started to read the Bible and pray as often as I should.

One other thing I think you might want to look into is what a Godly relationship should look like. Our society seems to down play the importance of it, and it is not easy, but if you do find another, and keep the relationship centered on God you will find so much more in that relationship, than in a secular one.

I will keep you in my prayers.

I agree and disagree with both,
I think a radical change in reading the bible and diving into God is the best thing.

I'll follow up in pm

 

[Wolfeman]

I agree with everything Abba San wrote. It's time to sit still and know God. He knows what is going on in your life and what you need but often He will speak in a whisper. We fail to hear Him and what He has to say to us because we are so busy trying to fix it or do it our selves that there is no time or room for Him.

The Bible is full of examples where people are told to sit and wait on God while those who try to get ahead of His plans or make their own end up in more trouble. Everything happening in the Middle East is a great example of one person who refused to wait on God's timing. Don't change your major just yet. If necessary take core classes that can be carried over to any major for the next semester and wait and see what God does.

Read your Bible. Make sure your in a good church and active there. Fellowship with Him and other Christians is vital at this point in your life.

 

[Pheonix28]

First, I'd like to say that I'm sorry to hear about your situation; and that I'll be praying for ya.

Like others have said, don't go looking for a relationship. It sucks being single sometimes, but it's better to be single and living a Godly life, than to be in an relationship that isn't God centered. I know from experience...

As for changing your Major, pray about it, if you were only going into geology for the money then by all means change. That's NEVER the reason to do something. If you're only doing it for the money you're not going to be happy. Although I will say, before you change your major, see what potential there is for your getting work with that degree. A lot of people get a degree that has no potential for employment (which imo is one of the reasons our situation is so bleak right now)...

 

[Dimederwin]

A lot of people get a degree that has no potential for employment (which imo is one of the reasons our situation is so bleak right now)...

That is so not true, Underwater Basket-weaving is a totally viable degree like so many others.

In truth you are of course right, and history is one of those degrees that you tend to need at least a Master's in before you can get a job, and most of them are education positions which sometimes make it hard to pay off.

 

[Pheonix28]

That is so not true, Underwater Basket-weaving is a totally viable degree like so many others...

You know... now that you mention it, I know those guys that do that underwater welding could probably use a nice hand-weaved basket while they're working down there.

 

[Bowser]

It sounds like she's really immature. I think you're probably better off without her.

Also, one of my complaints about students is that they get a bachelors degree, end up in a job they don't like, then try to get a masters degree thinking that it will be better. No, i don't think so. You'll just end up digging yourself in debt.

I don't have a degree, not even an associates, and yet I have a professional job I am very proud of and that few other people would have the privilege of being involved in. My situation is unique, yes, but now that I've had time to mature and think about education, I think it's best to pursue a degree that you like, but also allows you to be flexible. If you get a degree in history, you're basically stuck doing one thing for the rest of your life. If you're truly content with that, then go for it. But, I would not recommend that for any of my friends. Pursue something that's needed, where you'll feel worthwhile, and will allow you to make a difference when you want to.

 

[Stc95]

I'm thinking about becoming a history major, but I know that if I do I'll want to go to graduate school, then later doctorate school to become a professor and historian, most likely in some field regarding religion and ancient history. My only worry is being able to afford it, so what should I do? =/

I think you've pretty much just spelled out the next 10 years of my life. I am about to get my BA in history next year and will go onto graduate school and I want to get my doctorate. I love Church history, maybe not enough to get a doctorate in it, but enough to pursue it some more. As an avid history lover, I can't tell you how much fun I am having in my degree and how excited I am to continue my studies. I'm a little biased, but you can't go wrong with history

I am deeply sorry about your current situation. It hurts being betrayed by those closest to us. What you are feeling is completely normal and to be expected. You just have to remember that relationships are about being vulnerable. But you have a God and a Savior and a Comforter that will never abandon you, will never cheat on you, and wants to desperately to have you. I've found that whenever I run into girl problems my relationship with God only improves. I know it's easier said than done, but you just gotta keep in there man. Hold firm, stay strong, be in the right. Trust without reason. Love without condition. And if you get hurt again, that's their problem, their issue to reconcile with. Will be praying for you bro.