dorkelf
Active Member
You can thank C$ for the inspiration for this week's assignment.
Write a monologue for a Biblical character of your choice.
Write a monologue for a Biblical character of your choice.
Writing Assignment: Due 9/22/06
- Thread starter dorkelf
- Start date
dorkelf
Active Member
Entry #1 - Untitled
Dearest wife--
I write this to you concerning the events that have happened here in Judea recently under my charge concerning the Jew Jesus and his followers, now calling themselves "Christians".
Firstly, one thing I don't understand-- why in the name of Apollo do the Jews hate that guy so much? He seemed like a decent enough guy, albeit a little bit off his rocker. He wasn't dangerous in the least. How ridiculous that they wanted a murderer and thief to be set free for their feast rather than this, this thinker! Imagine that-- a murderer, less dangerous than a philosopher!
However, the events that took place after his death leave me even more perplexed. The Jews requested that soldiers be stationed to guard his grave, as if he were going to suddenly rise and usurp the Sanhedrin. He could no more come back from Hades than any other man.
His followers must have anticipated the company of soldiers, because it must have been an overwhelming force that caused every soldier stationed there to desert their post without a fight. Cowards! I will have them crucified right next to the "Christians"! And now, his followers that stole his body claim that he indeed returned from Hades, now immortal. Apparently, they have also been studying languages, because they have managed to fool over 3,000 people from many different countries into believeing the lie.
So, I suppose the Jews were right. This Jesus was a very dangerous man.
Why then did he willingly die if he had such a force at his disposal?
Only the gods know.
Yours,
Pontius
Dearest wife--
I write this to you concerning the events that have happened here in Judea recently under my charge concerning the Jew Jesus and his followers, now calling themselves "Christians".
Firstly, one thing I don't understand-- why in the name of Apollo do the Jews hate that guy so much? He seemed like a decent enough guy, albeit a little bit off his rocker. He wasn't dangerous in the least. How ridiculous that they wanted a murderer and thief to be set free for their feast rather than this, this thinker! Imagine that-- a murderer, less dangerous than a philosopher!
However, the events that took place after his death leave me even more perplexed. The Jews requested that soldiers be stationed to guard his grave, as if he were going to suddenly rise and usurp the Sanhedrin. He could no more come back from Hades than any other man.
His followers must have anticipated the company of soldiers, because it must have been an overwhelming force that caused every soldier stationed there to desert their post without a fight. Cowards! I will have them crucified right next to the "Christians"! And now, his followers that stole his body claim that he indeed returned from Hades, now immortal. Apparently, they have also been studying languages, because they have managed to fool over 3,000 people from many different countries into believeing the lie.
So, I suppose the Jews were right. This Jesus was a very dangerous man.
Why then did he willingly die if he had such a force at his disposal?
Only the gods know.
Yours,
Pontius
notashamed
Tribe of Judah Accounts Manager
I liked the format. It works well for a first person perspective. I thought it was very well done overall. I liked the language and the facts used. I also liked the perspective of the Roman religious beliefs. I am not sure if Pentacost happened under Pontius's reign, and Jesus's followers were not called Christian's till later. If I remember correctly early Christian's were called "followers of the way" which they still may not have been called that this early. Overall I liked it though
dorkelf
Active Member
Entry #2 - Untitled
Washing feet, washing dishes, down to washing clothes! Every demeaning job my sisters can throw at me. Unreal, being a woman is a tough job doing all these chores. I pray every day that Gods would smile upon me and end this misery. My sisters, Ah they are so into themselves and I hear them snicker and tease me under the false sense of security that I can’t hear them and I do and I understand why they do. They take me all over the country to see priests and prophets to rid themselves of their so called afflictions and in my eyes more like a affliction that would be me. I heard them say that Jesus was coming today to the city. Hmm I heard about him on the streets the other day when my sisters had me begging for us some food and I heard he was the Christ the one who has come to save us from this world. I must hurry and finish grinding the wheat so we can have bread to go with the beans that I got from the street. Ears hear my sister screaming He is here, He is here! Where? Where is he? Go we must! A sister on each side of me as I am shoved forward up close to the voice that feels like deepest of love not to condemn but to save. I sense he is close. He speaks to me and I shake with the power I feel inside, He touches me deep inside with his words and then he touched my eyes and now when I was once blind I now see.
Washing feet, washing dishes, down to washing clothes! Every demeaning job my sisters can throw at me. Unreal, being a woman is a tough job doing all these chores. I pray every day that Gods would smile upon me and end this misery. My sisters, Ah they are so into themselves and I hear them snicker and tease me under the false sense of security that I can’t hear them and I do and I understand why they do. They take me all over the country to see priests and prophets to rid themselves of their so called afflictions and in my eyes more like a affliction that would be me. I heard them say that Jesus was coming today to the city. Hmm I heard about him on the streets the other day when my sisters had me begging for us some food and I heard he was the Christ the one who has come to save us from this world. I must hurry and finish grinding the wheat so we can have bread to go with the beans that I got from the street. Ears hear my sister screaming He is here, He is here! Where? Where is he? Go we must! A sister on each side of me as I am shoved forward up close to the voice that feels like deepest of love not to condemn but to save. I sense he is close. He speaks to me and I shake with the power I feel inside, He touches me deep inside with his words and then he touched my eyes and now when I was once blind I now see.
dorkelf
Active Member
Entry #3 - "Solomon"
WOMEN!!!! No matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to please my wives. I write music for them, I give them wisdom, and I even worship their gods with them. What? I should worship the God of my father David? Well I do, I do. I mean he is the God that gave me my wisdom right? I’m sure he’ll understand my motives. I’m not perfect, but I do know he is God. I mean Dad wasn’t perfect either, take for example how he met my mom. It’s in my heritage to fall for beautiful women. I need those women, for political reasons. It was just the wise thing to do to seal a couple of alliances. Then I have to keep them happy. Who wants to have a cranky wife? If I don’t let them worship their gods, I’d have 200 cranky wives. NO! I am not full of excuses. There is only so much one man can do. God will understand my motives, and he’ll forgive me. I am repentant, well sort of. I am only human. My wives, they consume my thoughts. It’s not my fault. Well, someday there will be men wise enough to understand why I did what I did. Who could help but give these women everything they desire? No man could blame me. I’d even risk my kingdom for their sake. . .
WOMEN!!!! No matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to please my wives. I write music for them, I give them wisdom, and I even worship their gods with them. What? I should worship the God of my father David? Well I do, I do. I mean he is the God that gave me my wisdom right? I’m sure he’ll understand my motives. I’m not perfect, but I do know he is God. I mean Dad wasn’t perfect either, take for example how he met my mom. It’s in my heritage to fall for beautiful women. I need those women, for political reasons. It was just the wise thing to do to seal a couple of alliances. Then I have to keep them happy. Who wants to have a cranky wife? If I don’t let them worship their gods, I’d have 200 cranky wives. NO! I am not full of excuses. There is only so much one man can do. God will understand my motives, and he’ll forgive me. I am repentant, well sort of. I am only human. My wives, they consume my thoughts. It’s not my fault. Well, someday there will be men wise enough to understand why I did what I did. Who could help but give these women everything they desire? No man could blame me. I’d even risk my kingdom for their sake. . .
dorkelf
Active Member
Entry #4 - Untitled
The mail! Oh right and a letter from my Brother. Such joy! Just what message can he give me to relay back to the church. Oh my! He thinks so much of me and sees my standing with Jesus is solid as upon a rock. Oh this is good stuff just like his first one. This is going to take prayer and a lot of rereading because he gets so deep and is so close to the word. Just quickly browse through it and get a feel for how he is feeling. Oh no grandma, she had a little problem with the first letter bless her heart because she has helped me stand fast to the words of God and I know when she sees him she will express herself. Yes! Yes I will let them know you are thinking of them and that you are praying for them. Oh the coppersmith, Yes, I follow you on that because he ridicules and slanders everything that I do and say. Ha-ha! We have put a huge dent in his business of making idols and such. Praise the Lord it is noticeable. Wow! Such a inspiring letter that is so full of promise and direction. These words shall live on in many ways! Such a city Ephesus is so full of sin and I timid Timothy must gather a faithful flock from it and these words shall feed them. I pray that there is a Paul to help everyone on the spiritual path to God.
The mail! Oh right and a letter from my Brother. Such joy! Just what message can he give me to relay back to the church. Oh my! He thinks so much of me and sees my standing with Jesus is solid as upon a rock. Oh this is good stuff just like his first one. This is going to take prayer and a lot of rereading because he gets so deep and is so close to the word. Just quickly browse through it and get a feel for how he is feeling. Oh no grandma, she had a little problem with the first letter bless her heart because she has helped me stand fast to the words of God and I know when she sees him she will express herself. Yes! Yes I will let them know you are thinking of them and that you are praying for them. Oh the coppersmith, Yes, I follow you on that because he ridicules and slanders everything that I do and say. Ha-ha! We have put a huge dent in his business of making idols and such. Praise the Lord it is noticeable. Wow! Such a inspiring letter that is so full of promise and direction. These words shall live on in many ways! Such a city Ephesus is so full of sin and I timid Timothy must gather a faithful flock from it and these words shall feed them. I pray that there is a Paul to help everyone on the spiritual path to God.
Strong Fortress
New Member
This is very interesting. I get a good feeling for how the main character feels by wanted her misery to end. The verb tense feels a bit odd to me, but that may just be my style of writing versus yours. I do feel the urgency to get to Jesus. What i like the most is when she can feel the love of Jesus. She could not see him, but she felt the love from Him. How many of us look at the actions being taken by others and miss the love behind it? This girl could only see the love. Good ending from "Amazing Grace."
dorkelf
Active Member
Entry #5 - Untitled
Have you ever just felt so small, like everyone looked down on you? Let me tell you that I can relate. It was bad enough that the Midianites invaded our land and ruined our crops. Talk about oppression. But to add to that, try being the least in your family of the weakest clan. You’re treating like nothing. I didn’t think much of myself in those days. I believed what everyone thought of me, but that changed one day….
That was the day the angel of the LORD appeared and called me to fight our oppressors. I looked to see who was behind me, I mean, he couldn’t be talking to me. I told him he must be mistaken because I am so insignificant. He simply replied the LORD would be with me.
Soon after, the LORD called me to summon an army. Wow, was it a powerful show of force; I was sure we could win, even if I was leading it. But the LORD told me I had too many soldiers, so I cut down the number from 32,000 to 10,000 and then to 300 soldiers.
“How could we win?” I prayed to the LORD. “Our numbers are so small!” But, you know what, we won that battle and the LORD let me know why. He said that the numbers had to be small because it was the only way our people would know that it was the LORD of Abraham, not them that did this, so they would turn from Baal back to Him. He said I needed to learn this lesson as well.
You see, it does not matter what other men think when they see you, but how the LORD sees you. The LORD called me, Gideon, a “mighty warrior!” What is He calling you?
Have you ever just felt so small, like everyone looked down on you? Let me tell you that I can relate. It was bad enough that the Midianites invaded our land and ruined our crops. Talk about oppression. But to add to that, try being the least in your family of the weakest clan. You’re treating like nothing. I didn’t think much of myself in those days. I believed what everyone thought of me, but that changed one day….
That was the day the angel of the LORD appeared and called me to fight our oppressors. I looked to see who was behind me, I mean, he couldn’t be talking to me. I told him he must be mistaken because I am so insignificant. He simply replied the LORD would be with me.
Soon after, the LORD called me to summon an army. Wow, was it a powerful show of force; I was sure we could win, even if I was leading it. But the LORD told me I had too many soldiers, so I cut down the number from 32,000 to 10,000 and then to 300 soldiers.
“How could we win?” I prayed to the LORD. “Our numbers are so small!” But, you know what, we won that battle and the LORD let me know why. He said that the numbers had to be small because it was the only way our people would know that it was the LORD of Abraham, not them that did this, so they would turn from Baal back to Him. He said I needed to learn this lesson as well.
You see, it does not matter what other men think when they see you, but how the LORD sees you. The LORD called me, Gideon, a “mighty warrior!” What is He calling you?
cc.slim
Moderator
Man sry for the non critique at the moment but I had to say wow Just WOW the POWER shown and excepted as truth wOOt!!!!!
Shyfroggy
Member
wow wow wow wow....i really like this one, it totally and completly reached my heart all the way....it is so easy to relate, because of the way you explain it, and i love how you ended it - "What is He calling you?"....for it probes more thinking, deeper thinking on the readers behalf....
AWESOME JOB....
dorkelf
Active Member
Entry #6 - "Sarai"
Oh, no. Woe unto me, I cannot have a child! I must have a child! I long to have a child!
God, please, I beg of you, give me a child! Let the seed of Abram be passed on by his wife! I have pleaded for many a year, please give one to me!
Oh forget this… I don’t need God’s help if he doesn’t give it to me immediately. What to do though?
I have an idea now! I should give Abram a night with our Egyptian maidservant, Hagar? Since I cannot conceive the gift of a child through him, perhaps he can beget a child through Hagar. She is clearly close to us. Yes, a great plan.
Abram, you must sleep with our maidservant in order to have a child, since I am unable to have one. You must go tonight and give her a child so we can have what we have waited for all this time.
Wait now! My husband has just gotten a child from her… Why can I not get a child, but my maidservant can? Why must I suffer this torture?
God, I wanted a child from myself and you did not let me have one! Now that I let Abram lay with her, she conceives a child immediately. I despise Hagar! She shouldn’t have more than me, she’s only our slave!
Hagar! I hate you! Why did you get the honor of having this child, not me? I deserve the child far more than you; I am Abram’s wife. Go away, do not come back, I don’t want to see you again!
Oh, Lord God, I have done wrong. I have gone against your plans and then hated the consequences of what I have done. Then I hated the one who I did this too. I’m so sorry I’ve done this awful thing! Please, forgive me! I now realize that I should have waited for you to do what you promised, rather than trying to hurry it myself. Amen!
Oh, no. Woe unto me, I cannot have a child! I must have a child! I long to have a child!
God, please, I beg of you, give me a child! Let the seed of Abram be passed on by his wife! I have pleaded for many a year, please give one to me!
Oh forget this… I don’t need God’s help if he doesn’t give it to me immediately. What to do though?
I have an idea now! I should give Abram a night with our Egyptian maidservant, Hagar? Since I cannot conceive the gift of a child through him, perhaps he can beget a child through Hagar. She is clearly close to us. Yes, a great plan.
Abram, you must sleep with our maidservant in order to have a child, since I am unable to have one. You must go tonight and give her a child so we can have what we have waited for all this time.
Wait now! My husband has just gotten a child from her… Why can I not get a child, but my maidservant can? Why must I suffer this torture?
God, I wanted a child from myself and you did not let me have one! Now that I let Abram lay with her, she conceives a child immediately. I despise Hagar! She shouldn’t have more than me, she’s only our slave!
Hagar! I hate you! Why did you get the honor of having this child, not me? I deserve the child far more than you; I am Abram’s wife. Go away, do not come back, I don’t want to see you again!
Oh, Lord God, I have done wrong. I have gone against your plans and then hated the consequences of what I have done. Then I hated the one who I did this too. I’m so sorry I’ve done this awful thing! Please, forgive me! I now realize that I should have waited for you to do what you promised, rather than trying to hurry it myself. Amen!
cc.slim
Moderator
Not to be goofy hehehehehe but if I critique just the few I might miss the last is there any chance to save the critiques just before the voting begins?
cc.slim
Moderator
1: I like how I can read this as the writer and as the reader. I can sense the writers wonder and his inability to grasp want he has seen and heard and even some fear of failure on his part. Nicely done!
2: This story I stumbled through the readability. I reread it and I understand what was said but it could have used a little more editing and a tad better formatting. What I did like is were the story could also fit a Blind man as well as for a woman.
3: Hahaha this is funny yet not at times. The only thing I wonder is why the questioning of himself. Over all nice job.
4: I didn't feel like there was enough excitement for what I would think would be a extremely important thing. Nice follow on the letter tho. Ending could have been a tad better with more of a message.
5: Another nice one that I thought had a message within the story. I sense the fear the humbleness and then I see the faith. Nicely done.
6: Such inner torture and the fear of failure is well shown. I liked the format and the message of how it could have felt.
2: This story I stumbled through the readability. I reread it and I understand what was said but it could have used a little more editing and a tad better formatting. What I did like is were the story could also fit a Blind man as well as for a woman.
3: Hahaha this is funny yet not at times. The only thing I wonder is why the questioning of himself. Over all nice job.
4: I didn't feel like there was enough excitement for what I would think would be a extremely important thing. Nice follow on the letter tho. Ending could have been a tad better with more of a message.
5: Another nice one that I thought had a message within the story. I sense the fear the humbleness and then I see the faith. Nicely done.
6: Such inner torture and the fear of failure is well shown. I liked the format and the message of how it could have felt.
cc.slim
Moderator
Tic tic tic tic Are we ever going to get to vote? I find this fun!Your advice on how to start a story was the coolest and most sage advice I have ever ever heard and how you submitted it. Man if you was my english teacher I might have eek'd out a d+ hehehehe...
dorkelf
Active Member
Just a quick reminder, that everyone who enters the contest is supposed to critique at least one other entry. Learning how to give as well as receive meaningful advice is a very important part of the contest, and I hope we'll all make an effort to support our fellow writers by providing them with meaningful feedback.
Paul
Paul
dorkelf
Active Member
Although I think we're still waiting on one critique, I have posted the poll. I hope everyone who is reading this message will choose a favorite and vote for it! Votes are what make this a meaningful contest and we need 'em!
The poll will close automatically Monday night. New contest will likely be posted tommorrow. It will involve the writing of a monologue. If you want to 'study up' on monologue technic, please see the very short and helpful article I've posted in a new thread on monologues.
Paul
The poll will close automatically Monday night. New contest will likely be posted tommorrow. It will involve the writing of a monologue. If you want to 'study up' on monologue technic, please see the very short and helpful article I've posted in a new thread on monologues.
Paul
Shyfroggy
Member
RESULTS????? ppplllleeeeaaaassssseeeee!
dorkelf
Active Member
OK, sorry!
This slipped my mind, glad you mentioned it. The winner of this week's contest is Strong Fortress! His entry (#5) was the runaway favorite for the week - excellent work! Our other excellent entries were written by [toj.cc]WildBillKickoff, cc.slim, notashamed, cc.slim, and Amicus Dei of [FoG], in that order.Paul