Journal

[Bowser]

Brainstorming

So there I was in the dragon's den; the serpent's lair. It was hot and humid in this basement of hell, and everywhere was the stench of sulfur and rust. I searched around for the lantern that had fallen with me, but decided it was probably busted to pieces or unreachable anyway. Apparently I had broken my right leg during the fall, but the bone hadn't penetrated through the skin. For some reason my left arm was bleeding. I had probably bumped it along the rocky surface of the wall on the way down. It didn't cause me much pain, not as much as my leg.

I knew the demon who had dragged me here expected me to give up; surely he had never met a human as persistent as I. Whether that was really true or not I was intent on pressing on and escaping the trap of this hideous beast. A long time ago I learned that in order to succeed I couldn't beat the demon, I shouldn't even try; I just had to resist him. The demon, I read, is too strong and cunning for any man; his physical strength alone would crush a mortal army. However, this fallen serpent doesn't merely rely on physical strength; he also uses his absolute hatred, deceitfulness, and stealth as tactics in this fight. Even though it is obvious that I cannot defeat or even hide from this foul creature, it also occurs to me that resisting him appears to be equally difficult. Still, I am resolved to endure this struggle to the end, until I can find my escape.

Somehow I am reminded that this story, this fate, isn't about me; that there is instead something else I am forgetting. I am sure that I am insignificant, yet this atrocity seems to know me very well. He knows my weaknesses, as if he's been watching me my entire life. I already know that he despises mankind, our very presence is insulting to him. There is one thing, however, that he finds as more than an irritation; something more like an incurable disease that is threatening to be afflicted, and he is determined to wipe it out. Apparently, I bear his disease. My knowledge of him and his terrible enemy is what makes me especially vulnerable. I am vulnerable because the information I have is dangerous to him, but only if, like the contagion, I share it.

An insightful narrative describing a spiritual battle between a man and his pursuer. Meant as a symbolic story of a man who has become a Christian and takes the Great Commission. The narrative offers a sometimes satirical account of events and clandestine efforts are usually revealed, much like the This Present Darkness story by Frank Peretti and even a bit like C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters. Some ideas are also taken from John Bunyanś Pilgrimś Progress

Russel fell fast and crashed into the hard packed earth of the cave, with debris falling on and all around him. It was hot and humid in this burning basement of hell, and the place reeked with the stench of sulfur and rust. He lay there motionless, his ears ringing, while the pain and confusion, like the dust around him, subsided. I have become some pawn in the Devil's game; I'm the prisoner now, he thought. He stirred a little, trying to gain some bearing as to where he was and where the gear that had fallen with him landed. He looked up, and saw moonlight shining down through the mouth of the gaping hole he had fallen through, illuminating the roots above and casting an eerie glow on the floor where he now lay. Looking around he was able to find his rucksack, just in front of him. Stretching to grab the pack, Russel reached, every muscle in his body aching, when suddenly something frightening caught his attention. Beyond the pack he saw the figure of another man, watching him.

The man lay there against the dirty surface of the wall as if he'd been there for years; not moving, just watching. The man was in his sixties or seventies, and very disheveled, malnourished, and seemingly dispirited. Russel reasoned he had given up on life, waiting for the death that would undoubtedly devour him. The demon would return, and he didn't have much time. Russel quickly grabbed up his pack and rummaged through it, examining its contents. The old man appeared to have gone to sleep, and Russel couldn't help but become frustrated at him. This despondent creature emerged in his mind as a terrifying reminder of who Russel could become, a monster menacing him in the depths of this darkness.

The nightmare pursued him, reminding Russel that he was not some hero, but instead still a man who needed to be saved.

Similar to the first story. However, the goal is to include an adventurous aspect of the story, while simultaneously trying to make a theological point. Less emphasis on Biblical insight and more of the manś experiences.

 

[cc.slim]

Thank you! I liked how difference between the two stand out! Nice job writing the story within the story! wOOt!

 

[tjguitarz]

I enjoyed the two short stories and would much like to see them expanded. I wanted to read more--and that doesn't happen often. Capturing the audience is the most difficult part, and I think you did quite well. Keep writing. Expand. Tell me more about the character in the story. Show me what happens to him. Show me his flaws and how this story changes him.

2 beefs:

• Pick a tense and stick with it

• Put your words in brackets to make scrolling along the page easier (for the hopeful additions to the story)