Cutting....

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The-Messenjah

New Member
i wasnt sure where to put this, so i put it here.

i know this girl who has had some serious problems with depression for quite some time and recently she has started cutting herself. it isnt bad at the moment, i mean by that as in she hasnt needed stitches or anything like that. but she cuts frequently and it is getting worse. i need some help in helping her through this. i can only help so much as i live about 9 or 10 hours away from her. her family life is really bad, her parents always fight, and she fights with them a lot. she doesnt have many friends, so that is a constant source of depression. she has started taking antidepressants, but they havent helped much. she stopped cutting for a while, but she has started again. no one except i knows, coz she doesnt really want to tell everyone about it... itz not the most popular thing. anyway, has anyone had any experience with self mutilators? coz i need some help, i dont know what to do anymore.
 
never under estiimate the power of prayer. after that I would look into suicide help lines in your area. Talk to her, see if she's interested in help..tell her about the hotlines. Tell her parents.
 
Yes, do tell her parents. This is a serious problem, that can lead to suicide. If her parents don't know, they need to. Ideally she should be the one to tell, but let her know that if she won't you will. She needs counciling and therapy.

If she and/or her family can't afford it, Catholic Family Services (if they have an office in her area) offer counciling and therapy at rates dependent upon your finances and need (or they did a few years ago, and I don't see why they'd have changed it )
 
I actually met a girl in the same position a couple years back. She was in a bad place. I started talking to her through email, discussing different things. Just being a friend helps a lot. We discussed the problems she had and worked through it. We started talking on the phone too, which made it feel more personal. Last I spoke with her she was doing great. Hope that gives you any ideas of what you could do.
 
Other's have already given great advice. But I have some more to add.

As far as your part, just be a listening friend. Ask 'How' and 'Why' questions to get her talking about how certain things make her feel and why those things are either good or bad. Start out easy first. "How do you feel about school?" "What is your favorite subject?" You can help in getting her talking about things. But it sounds like she can really use counseling and prayer.

The other thing to remember is that ultimately, you are not responsible for her choices. You can help direct her, but don't take the responsibility upon your own shoulders.

Thanks for sharing. I pray things turn out well.
 
Ok i cant tell her parents. for one thing, that would betray her trust, and she would never speak to me again. her home life is in such a way that she cant talk to her parents. they know that she is depressed. they were there when the doctor sed she was getting sick because of "significant depression". they were there when she got prescribed the anti-depresants. they know that she has been having problems with depression. they thought it was her music. (she listens to linkin park mainly) so they took that off her. bad idea. she got worse after that. do you understand that? music can keep you sane. i know it has held me together when i have been going through a ton of stuff. but yeah, back to the subject. i am trying to be a friend as best as i can, but it is hard seeing as she lives so far away. im not allowed to fone for a while either, coz last time i did, we were SMSing and she sed something so i foned her up at about 11:30, and we didnt get off till almost 2. am that is. so i cant fone... but i sms her quite regularly, and i tlak to her on msn quite often. she stopped cutting for a while, but she has started again. itz not good, im worried she will go farther, and either do herself some severe damage, or try and kill herself.

oh, and another thing. she is homeschooled, so she doesnt have many friends. that could be another realon why she is depressed. i know it screwed me up a bit, not talking to anyone for days on end. i was homeschooled for about 3 years... but yeah, thanx heaps for your help.
 
Ok granted her parents messed up a little, they all do. Seriously I still think it's the way to go. They have easier access to her than you. Granted it may break her trust but I think it's better than saving her lives. Maybe just tip them off on where to look for cutting. Suggest they take her to counseling.
 
All I can tell you is to pray. Pray to God and ask him to give you the answer. Also read the bible thourghly. I have found many answers to tough questions this way, I assure you things will work out for whats BEST.
 
This is completely from a non-parenting perspective, so all moms/dads are free to bash me later :).

People always need someone they can trust in. The truth is, those confidences are almost never parents, and that's never likely to change. While the parents probably shouldn't be kept in the dark, consider their initial shock and reaction when they learn of something like this, and consider the effects on the child. In a "cornered" position such as this, where there is supposedly no one to trust, the child is more likely, I beleive, to take drastic or foolish action. Yes, time heals, and later maybe they'll be calmly talking things over and trying to get help, but wounds like that fester temporarily before they heal, and one must consider the levels of risk during a phase like that, when anger and distrust temporarily cloud thought and judgement.
 
This could turn out to be a real problem. Frankly I think you should ask someone who knows alot more about this subject and has training. A counselor or Therapist, or the idea of talking to someone on suicide hotline. Without actually knowing much about it, its hard to say whether you should or shouldn't say anything to the parents, it all depends on them. Her telling you is probably a cry for help and you need to do more than just pray, in my opinion.
 
I've heard doctors say the only way people can get out of this kind of situation is good counsel and having a friend that truely cares and is willing to sacrifice to help bring that person up. If this girl is telling you this, I'd guess its a safe bet to say she wants that to be you. I wont pretend I know anything thats actually going on here, but I can just state what I do know about what this girls life looks like. In short, what she probably wants most is love, but not just normal love, when people who cant honestly believe that theyve truely ever been loved they end up wanting the entire world to love them, and its just not possible. The really hard part is that she needs to realize this, and sometimes it can take a long, long time. This girl seems to pretty obviously be reaching out to you, she needs someone and she wants it to be you. Now, while its good to be loving and empathic friend there is going too far here. It is possible that this girl could get so emotionally attached to you that she would fall into feeling like she couldnt live without you, being devoted to you, thats the really hard part. If you ask me, you need to help her get a sturdy social life, and you should be very caring and honest with her, but she needs to know that you will not take a relationship to another level, doing that would be very improper. When people are hurt, confused, unloved, they look for someone to latch onto, someone they feel would never abandon them and would love them no matter who they are. Though, being that kind of person is exactly who we should be, unconditionally loving, its important that she would understand reality and not be so completely dependent. It would be a very good idea if you could find someone who specializes with people like this to counsel her. Most of all, for that love she probably wants, you need to show her the love of God. Without Him, even if she gets past this, itd ultimately just end in, well, hell basically. Anyway, thats the end of my PhD certified psychological stuff. I completely understand what it is to be a social outcast with trouble at home, I wouldnt even know any of this if it hadnt been told to me. Me, though I certainly dont like to broadcast it, I litterally graduated the 6th grade, I left the school system and never looked back, my parents didnt even make a real attempt to stop it. They never did really guide or enforce me, so much time spent yelling and being so cynical towards one another.... That was 3 years ago, and I havnt even had so much as a real life friend since. But I live on, and I realize my duty to the world, and to God. Thats why I refuse to quit, I see people who need help in the world, and its my duty to do everything I can to help them, even if it ended at my own demise to save the life of another. I encourage you to sacrifice what it takes to help this one, I realize alot of people would encourage you to not do anything if it would put a drag on you, but think, what would Jesus do? He already did. On another side note, its 4am and Im still awake and kickin, woot to my adventure of seeing just how long I can go without falling asleep.
 
I'm sorry to hear about your plight...I have a friend in Georgia who wanted to kill herself. I talked with her via Internet, and whatnot, and we became really good friends, and I think I helped her leave that line of thought. Believe it or not, if you knew me, you would not suspect me of being such a person...I didn't save her...God did. He helped her through me.

I can't recommend anything else but prayer, talking, comforting, being a friend. That's what I did for Amber. I know you think Christians are all hypocrites and whatnot, but you know: prayer is powerful. Believe in God, pray, believe He shall help, and it will occur. Pray hard. Talk to her. Be a friend. Comfort her. Don't be cruel, or unfriendly, or give her the cold shoulder...she sounds like a person I would love to meet and talk with, just to comfort in such situations like hers, but right now, you're her friend. Not me. Help her. Comfort her. Try to get her away from this thought process. Found out what's driving her to harm herself. Surely it can't ALL be related to depression...something else is there, digging into her. You've got to help her, man. And don't stop, either, dude.
 
Only things I can say are these:
Pray for your friend, but also let her know that you're there and ready to listen. She probably wants someone who will listen, not just try to talk her out of what she's thinking.
If you can't tell her parents, talk to her pastor, a family friend, someone else who knows her and can help. She needs someone to help her, it sounds like you're in a great position to do it.
 
Get her a POD cd. Satellite. to replace the music she lost. it's music with Hope. and i love it.

She also needs to hear from you that her safety is the most important thing. And that if she tells you something you may have to tell someone else.

That keeps it safe for her and You.

The one thing you can't afford to do is be forced to be silent. Divide and conquer.

She may actually want you to tell someone. Silent scream for help...

She needs to get real help, and not become co-dependent on you.

And pray hard

sealcomm
 
The good news is that cutting yourself doesn't necessarily mean you're taking practice swings at comitting suicide. Cutting yourself can also be a symptom of milder depression, specifically of feeling overwhelmed and out of control.

The bad news is that it DOES mean you're hurting quite badly, and it is also quite addictive, I'm afraid.
 
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