A works-in-progress visual novel

[red.tiger.lugano]

Hi bro's & sis's. Been writing a story, then stumbled upon a visualnovel game maker program called TyranoBuilder. So I'm creatively writing a story using bells and whistles. I intend to create art, for cutscenes and such. Currently using sound effects offered by a guy called Taira Komori (http://taira-komori.jpn.org/freesounden.html) so credits goes to him in regards to sound effects.

I'm drawing inspiration from games like NobunagaAmbition or RomanceoftheThreeKingdoms, except without the gameplay, just story. And from Japanese and Chinese warring states periods in general.

Plot: A military revolt means the outbreak of feudal war in the country of Sangunzho, as the ill-fated emperor loses his grip on his right to rule. Thus a young man, Ganju, sees his opportunity to climb the ranks of the military ladder, only to find out about his elder brother's involvement in the revolt. Time is of the essence to stop the entire country from falling into the hands of an ambitious warlord, and to save his brother from eventual destruction.

Currently, it is browser-based. Going through an experimental phase, as I continue to try things out, write the scenes, and will continue to update the story.

Link: http://jkh-productions.byethost7.com/?i=1

 

[The Mighty Gerbil]

It's looks like TyranoBuilder might export to flash or some other plugin which I don't have at the moment, because reasons. I'll look into it later but it looks interesting .

 

[red.tiger.lugano]

It's looks like TyranoBuilder might export to flash or some other plugin which I don't have at the moment, because reasons. I'll look into it later but it looks interesting .

Yeah, it does use flash. But it does also export to windows, ios and android. But the browser thing allows me to have people a peek at any moment, well, those that have flash installed.

 

[Kendrik]

Cool idea. I dig it.

 

[Patriot]

Props to anyone who takes the time to write out a story. It is a lot more work than many people realize. I also acknowledge that they are generally a labor of love so I'll try to keep my comments as constructive as possible.

I intend to create art, for cutscenes and such.

Does that mean art for each background? Or just for chapter breaks? Personally, I found the backgrounds a little distracting while trying to read (full disclosure - I did not finish as I have no indication of how long it is). Also, I tend to read fast but found myself slowed down by the text writing itself out on the screen. I realize you can click to get it to write faster, but I ran into at least one page where I had to click half a dozen times to get all of the text. I don't know the limitations of the game engine, but if it were possible to have the text on each page be static it would make my experience a bit better,

Currently using sound effects offered by a guy called Taira Komori (http://taira-komori.jpn.org/freesounden.html) so credits goes to him in regards to sound effects.

Sound effects were playing when I loaded a page (i.e. before I had read the text on that page). I'm not sure if it was adding anything meaningful. It is a feature which a game can deliver at exactly the correct moment whereas a book is read at much more varied pace by different individuals.

Please don't take my comments as a reason to quit writing. I simply wanted to communicate the issues I ran into with the current setup. I feel like I didn't give your actual story the attention it deserves because I was so focused on the presentation method.

If the backgrounds were contextual to what was going on in the page and the sounds were either optional or somehow better worked to be where the reader was actually reading I think it would be a step in the right direction.

 

[red.tiger.lugano]

Props to anyone who takes the time to write out a story. It is a lot more work than many people realize. I also acknowledge that they are generally a labor of love so I'll try to keep my comments as constructive as possible.


Does that mean art for each background? Or just for chapter breaks? Personally, I found the backgrounds a little distracting while trying to read (full disclosure - I did not finish as I have no indication of how long it is). Also, I tend to read fast but found myself slowed down by the text writing itself out on the screen. I realize you can click to get it to write faster, but I ran into at least one page where I had to click half a dozen times to get all of the text. I don't know the limitations of the game engine, but if it were possible to have the text on each page be static it would make my experience a bit better,


Sound effects were playing when I loaded a page (i.e. before I had read the text on that page). I'm not sure if it was adding anything meaningful. It is a feature which a game can deliver at exactly the correct moment whereas a book is read at much more varied pace by different individuals.

Please don't take my comments as a reason to quit writing. I simply wanted to communicate the issues I ran into with the current setup. I feel like I didn't give your actual story the attention it deserves because I was so focused on the presentation method.

If the backgrounds were contextual to what was going on in the page and the sounds were either optional or somehow better worked to be where the reader was actually reading I think it would be a step in the right direction.

No, that's feedback that I greatly appreciate. I'll see to straighten out the various issues you addressed. Yes, I'd like to create backgrounds for scene breaks, introductions of major characters, etc. For now, I'm using temporary background images, though I'm still looking for ones depicting environment for every scene. As for sounds, I've decided to leave them out unless the scene or moment asks for some sfx.

Having said all that, while working on the visual side of things, I'm still adding/refining the writing itself. Challenging, but that why I like doing it this way.