Some of you may remember some of the things I've posted on here. I've been angry at God for things that are my fault and I've used everything I possibly could to hide that from myself. I didint want to completely change, so I chose to change my beliefs with "logic".
I reasoned that man was created to suffer. I reasoned that since God did that, God was bad. Therefore, why should I worship God? A thought popped in my head as I was thinking about that. "So what about all the Good that God has done? Does that mean nothing?" I ignored that thought until yesterday when the youth pastor who I worked with last summer called to see how I was doing.
We talked, I gave him the reasons for my not going to church anymore. I argued that man did not have free will, man did not really have any choices because God controls our environment and everything that effects our decision making. He manipulates everything in a way where we will make decisions as He would have us make them. In my mind, it was not MY fault that I could not kill my pornography addiction and my terrible temper, it was God's! I am the victim!
While I would not have admitted to that, that is essentially the whole reason for my change in attitude. I felt guilty for continuing in my sin, so instead of allow myself to be changed and completely devote myself to that, I chose to simply change my beliefs so that guilt would no longer effect me. If I was not a Christian, I would not have to act like one and could do whatever I want.
The youth pastor argued that God allows man to make choices, God allows free will. Because of this, it is easy to see God as the source of man's evil because He allows man to choose to act in an evil way.
We as human beings cannot see the whole picture. That is why (I think) God speaks so much about why faith is so important in the Bible. We only see the cost, not the benefit. We have to trust that God allows things to take place for the benefit of mankind. Also, we will not always even get to see the benefits.
The tsunami killed a lot of people, most who more then likely were not Christians. Will I ever understand why God allowed that to happen? I doubt it, but did God allow it to happen for a good reason. I have faith that He certainly did.
By allowing myself to focus only on the negatives, I ended up in a very dark place. Despite the fact that I basically spit right in His face and called him a liar, He still has stuck by me. Why would God die for man if He only created him to suffer?
Thank you God for dealing with my stupidity
I guess the point to my writing this in here is 5 fold.
1) To publiclly declare that I was wrong.
2) To sort out and unscramble my mind by typing out my thoughts in a place where I can get some feedback.
3) To kind of show what happens when you are half hearted in your walk with God.
4) To hopefully encourage others to not dwell on only the negatives.
Sins that you allow to grow and grow in your life will eventually consume you. It is easier to change your beliefs then your behavior, do not take the same path I did. A half-hearted Christian is a miserable one, no sin is worth more then a solid relationship with God.
I reasoned that man was created to suffer. I reasoned that since God did that, God was bad. Therefore, why should I worship God? A thought popped in my head as I was thinking about that. "So what about all the Good that God has done? Does that mean nothing?" I ignored that thought until yesterday when the youth pastor who I worked with last summer called to see how I was doing.
We talked, I gave him the reasons for my not going to church anymore. I argued that man did not have free will, man did not really have any choices because God controls our environment and everything that effects our decision making. He manipulates everything in a way where we will make decisions as He would have us make them. In my mind, it was not MY fault that I could not kill my pornography addiction and my terrible temper, it was God's! I am the victim!
While I would not have admitted to that, that is essentially the whole reason for my change in attitude. I felt guilty for continuing in my sin, so instead of allow myself to be changed and completely devote myself to that, I chose to simply change my beliefs so that guilt would no longer effect me. If I was not a Christian, I would not have to act like one and could do whatever I want.
The youth pastor argued that God allows man to make choices, God allows free will. Because of this, it is easy to see God as the source of man's evil because He allows man to choose to act in an evil way.
We as human beings cannot see the whole picture. That is why (I think) God speaks so much about why faith is so important in the Bible. We only see the cost, not the benefit. We have to trust that God allows things to take place for the benefit of mankind. Also, we will not always even get to see the benefits.
The tsunami killed a lot of people, most who more then likely were not Christians. Will I ever understand why God allowed that to happen? I doubt it, but did God allow it to happen for a good reason. I have faith that He certainly did.
By allowing myself to focus only on the negatives, I ended up in a very dark place. Despite the fact that I basically spit right in His face and called him a liar, He still has stuck by me. Why would God die for man if He only created him to suffer?
Thank you God for dealing with my stupidity
I guess the point to my writing this in here is 5 fold.
1) To publiclly declare that I was wrong.
2) To sort out and unscramble my mind by typing out my thoughts in a place where I can get some feedback.
3) To kind of show what happens when you are half hearted in your walk with God.
4) To hopefully encourage others to not dwell on only the negatives.
Sins that you allow to grow and grow in your life will eventually consume you. It is easier to change your beliefs then your behavior, do not take the same path I did. A half-hearted Christian is a miserable one, no sin is worth more then a solid relationship with God.
