Chaska
New Member
A little background info: some of my friends and family believe that the Bible is a book of hate literature. I believe that the Bible is a book of love literature. This creates tension in my heart. It has gotten to the point that I am fearful of visiting with those I love. It's stressful for me. Particularly one family member who is very anti-theist who looks at a 'church group' that was trying to come to Canada to protest the funerals of victims of a gruesome killing because 'it was God's judgement of gays' and then looks at me and says "Look at what your faith will make you into". It feels like I'm in relationships where the people are saying "We like you, but we hate your faith." Which hurts a lot because, as far as I'm concerned, my faith is me. So, I feel trapped. I am scared to truly be me around them because I'm worried that they'll associate my faith with evil hatefulness. I believe that homosexual behaviour is a sin. I do not believe that homosexuals should be hated, feared, and sent straight to hell with no chance of grace and I don't think it's so simple of a situation as telling them 'just go straight'. I'm scared because it feels that, because I believe that homosexual behaviour is a sin, people's first thoughts is going to be that I'm a hateful jerk that isn't willing to see things from another perspective. This is, of course, just an example of how the fear is formed in me. My brother believes that the ultimate manifestation of my faith will be that I hate him (just to clarify, he's not homosexual it has to do with the fact that he rejects Christ), therefore, I fear just being myself. I have to be on guard so that I am always true to my faith and at the same time not allow my brother to think I am moving towards hating him. This exercise is stressful and makes a massive burden on the soul that is too much to carry. It spills into my relationship with other Christians as well. Because I agree with Rob Bell that Love Wins and that I don't think that making abortion and same-sex marriage illegal is, at this point, the solution to the problem, I feel that people will jump to the conclusion that I don't think that people's decisions now matter, and that I'm okay with abortion and homosexual behaviour. The fact is, these things matter greatly to me and I do disagree fundamentally with the acts. It's that there are so many people desperately looking for love that I feel we need to focus on providing that love. (But that's a tangent).
Back on track: what is God doing in my heart? The other day I was crying in the car telling my husband about the tension I'm dealing with and the Holy Spirit put a scripture in my heart/mind:
Luke 21
10 Then he said to them: “Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. 11 There will be great earthquakes, famines and pestilences in various places, and fearful events and great signs from heaven.
12 “But before all this, they will seize you and persecute you. They will hand you over to synagogues and put you in prison, and you will be brought before kings and governors, and all on account of my name. 13 And so you will bear testimony to me. 14 But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves. 15 For I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict. 16 You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers and sisters, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death. 17 Everyone will hate you because of me. 18 But not a hair of your head will perish. 19 Stand firm, and you will win life.
The part I put in bold is what the Holy Spirit gave me, but I figured context from 12 helps and then my husband says "you can't reference something that starts with 'but before all this' you have to put what's before it too!" (again tangent)
This made things click for me. This and a podcast sermon by Rob Bell called "Broken Bottles" (free on iTunes and is part two in a three part series). It can be boiled down to this:
I can't control people's reactions to me and my faith. I don't have to worry about it so I don't have to script my words and behaviors to make sure that I will reflect God's love. I can trust the Holy Spirit to do that for me. Trusting this will give me the freedom to enjoy my relationships and the gifts that God has for me. So I am currently praying that He will give me the words and actions so that I do reflect His love and that I will trust him to deal with people's reactions. I personally have a hard time letting things go so in my prayers I am asking that He takes these things from me and that the Holy Spirit will let these go for me. This is all pretty new for me so I'm still a little not sure about the whole thing and how it's going to work out, but I guess that's the point. I do feel less burdened and I want to keep working on it.
I would now like to open the thread to people to share their current story that the Holy Spirit is telling in their hearts.
Back on track: what is God doing in my heart? The other day I was crying in the car telling my husband about the tension I'm dealing with and the Holy Spirit put a scripture in my heart/mind:
Luke 21
10 Then he said to them: “Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. 11 There will be great earthquakes, famines and pestilences in various places, and fearful events and great signs from heaven.
12 “But before all this, they will seize you and persecute you. They will hand you over to synagogues and put you in prison, and you will be brought before kings and governors, and all on account of my name. 13 And so you will bear testimony to me. 14 But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves. 15 For I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict. 16 You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers and sisters, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death. 17 Everyone will hate you because of me. 18 But not a hair of your head will perish. 19 Stand firm, and you will win life.
The part I put in bold is what the Holy Spirit gave me, but I figured context from 12 helps and then my husband says "you can't reference something that starts with 'but before all this' you have to put what's before it too!" (again tangent)
This made things click for me. This and a podcast sermon by Rob Bell called "Broken Bottles" (free on iTunes and is part two in a three part series). It can be boiled down to this:
I can't control people's reactions to me and my faith. I don't have to worry about it so I don't have to script my words and behaviors to make sure that I will reflect God's love. I can trust the Holy Spirit to do that for me. Trusting this will give me the freedom to enjoy my relationships and the gifts that God has for me. So I am currently praying that He will give me the words and actions so that I do reflect His love and that I will trust him to deal with people's reactions. I personally have a hard time letting things go so in my prayers I am asking that He takes these things from me and that the Holy Spirit will let these go for me. This is all pretty new for me so I'm still a little not sure about the whole thing and how it's going to work out, but I guess that's the point. I do feel less burdened and I want to keep working on it.
I would now like to open the thread to people to share their current story that the Holy Spirit is telling in their hearts.
