married couple question

Atown

Christian Gamers Alliance Amazon Store Manager
Staff member
this is more directed toward guys but can apply to females. and this thought came to me while i was contemplating stuff. lust is more or less defined as
1. intense sexual desire or appetite.
2. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness.

now.... when your married arent u like... extremely excited to have intercourse within the bounds of marriage and doing everything right? i mean, i can only assume so >.> . but wouldt that be the same as lust? or is it a form of double standard in which wherein marriage its acceptable?
 
Wow...I get to be the first to answer...

I think the difference is that, in marriage, not only is your desire directed towards the one person you are SUPPOSED to desire, but you are called to be a servant even in sexual matters. You must be interested in the other person's good (and pleasure, in this instance). In other words, in marriage, you are called to have an interest in your spouse that is far more than simple sexual desire.

I think it may be possible for a spouse to be guilty of the sin of lust even with his or her own spouse, if they don't meet the above criteria.
 
Atown, I think you're mixing two possible understandings of the word 'lust' which are mutually exclusive. I think 'lust' can be used to mean either strong sexual desire, or unrestrained sexual desire. Those are not at all the same thing, and I think the Bible only condemns the latter. At least, it seems to me that it would be hard to read the Song of Solomon and believe that strong sexual desire within a committed relationship is condemned by scripture. Unrestrained sexual desire and practice, on the other hand, is universally condemned in scripture any time the subject comes up.

Paul
 
My idea is very similar to Maid Mirawyn's.

Lust is the selfish desire to fullfill your own sex drive. This can exist in marriage.

Passion within marriage should be focused on the desire to fullfill the other person.
 
Atown,

To lust after something now, and when the bible were written have two different meanings. So look at what it says.

Proverbs 5. 18 –22

18 May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be captivated by her love.
20 Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?
Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?
21 For a man's ways are in full view of the LORD,
and he examines all his paths.
22 The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him;
the cords of his sin hold him fast.
You should be rejoicing, captivated and allured by your wife:

Heavens my, by today’s standards you can “lust” after her, but the point I think the bible is relaying here, is not to want her just for the sake of sex, but as a person, too love her, to care for her beyond the bounds of self gratification.

And not to lust or have lingering thoughts of another, not to compare her to another, not to ask “why can she not be more like whatever” the lust here is in the context of lusting over the adulteress.

So it’s more of a play on words nowadays. Any married man will tell you at some point and time he has LUSTED over his wife. (Many are reading this saying, what do you mean; at some point, I still do ) but if we used the proper terms that were used in the biblical times, they cherished, rejoiced and have a passion for their wife.

I do hope this helps. There is no double standard here, only the difference between the desire for your wife and the warning about desiring where our affections should not be.
 
hmm ok makes more sense in those instances, i think dorkelf made more sense. now let me ask u in the context of "
Heavens my, by today’s standards you can “lust” after her, but the point I think the bible is relaying here, is not to want her just for the sake of sex, but as a person, too love her, to care for her beyond the bounds of self gratification.
how is that applied to dating? cuz thats the point where i'm at cuz like..... of course i want to wait till marriage but thoughts do occur i mean.... im human and a guy..... but i keep my thoughts and actions clean as possible. now with my "bad" thoughts is that considered lust and also am i doing the "proper" lust of
but as a person, too love her, to care for her beyond the bounds of self gratification.
???? how does that play out?
 
I think that brings us to a slightly different topic. This is where we fall short of God's perfection every day. As we date trying to find that special someone that we want to spend the rest of our lives with, we goof and lust. If any man here says that he never looked at a womans physical attributes when deciding who to approach for a date, I think I'd have to call him a liar.

However, God's also given us mercy and forgiveness. Just continue to pray about it. Ask God to help you take out all the stuff that's not supposed to be in your mind when you're looking at the lady - make sure that if you're planning to progress your relationship into marriage for the right reasons, spiritually... instead of just physical reasons.

Yes, there should be a physical attraction to your spouse... but there should be more to it than *just* the physical attraction.
 
well my thing is, i really keep phsyical stuff to a minimum, and on the emotional and spiritual side we're doing great. just needed to clarify stuff on lust and how the bibles thing on it. for me ive read alot through the bible, more so for average 17 year old and ive yet to find alot of stuff for dating related things.
 
beat beat beat beat beat beat beat Wow! That heart rate sure is accelerated hehehe beware the eyes and loins they pretty well = lust. Now the heart ahhhh nothing better to share for if you use the bonding of the hearts then everything is well something I wish for all. Two heartbeats in circle around one. wOOt. p.s. Now if anything foreign to this union then lust/ sin could come about whether it be in the mind or other wise.
 
well my thing is, i really keep phsyical stuff to a minimum, and on the emotional and spiritual side we're doing great. just needed to clarify stuff on lust and how the bibles thing on it. for me ive read alot through the bible, more so for average 17 year old and ive yet to find alot of stuff for dating related things.

My understanding of both qualitative and quantitative research is that the brain of a teenage boy, swimming in a sea of hormones, must simply be designed to dwell on sex. With that taken into consideration, I tend to worry a bit about the short and long term effects of a teen trying to entirely overcome ever thinking about sex at all. I think it is a much better strategy for a Christian teen to accept a certain psycho-physiological inevitibility; sexual thoughts are going to happen and you won't likely be able to supress them entirely. But, restraint is needed to suppress those particular thoughts that lead you towards inappropriate action.

For you to be spending time with a girl who you're physically attracted to, Atown - I can't help but see that as a great way for you to have a bit of a positive preview of what joy you will experience within a good marriage. But of course, you're not in that kind of committed relationship yet and you've just gotta mind those thoughts that compel you into action that is only appropriate within the safety of a committed relationship. In regards to sexual thoughts that don't compel you into inappropriate action - you've gotta use your own conscience and personal conviction to decide how to deal with those.

Paul
 
God created us in His likeness..

As fallen man, this likeness is twisted.. The functions of each aspect of our being, circumposed, overlapping one another instead of being separate so as to know and do accordingly..

As a regenerated person in the Lord Jesus Christ our functions become more and more defined as we rest in His Love! We soon learn what it means when God says that by His Holy Spirit He will divide between spirit, soul and body!

With these functions regulated by the Holy Spirit we can truly appreciate the intimate functions of the soul and body. We were created for Love! God is Love, and with His Holy Spirit filling us we Love Him back!

This 'filling' is the spiritual parallel of intercourse in the body, except with the soul. We love with our souls, and the bodily functions of which reveal that love! God is Love, and He has given us His Love in the Holy Spirit.. As we yeild to His Love we become FILLED with that Love! And act accordingly :)

A good Scriptural referance concerning the marriage bed here would be..
"The marriage bed is undefiled" [Hebrews 13:4]

God choses many ways to reveal His Love to us, all in the person of Jesus Christ, of course. One minute He is meeting our daily needs for Love and Acceptance, another He is meeting our daily need for Clothing and Shelter [please take note of the caps, as this is intentional].

He provides everything to everyone!

Youthful lust, on the other hand, is the coming into the realm of True Love [if the person is a Christian]. If the youngster yields to the indwelling Holy Spirit to meet his/her needs for Love, Acceptance & Security, they will not act untowards to thier espoused. For the Holy Spirit within the believer Loves with the only True Love there is!
 
Anything that is overtly self-serving is generally incompatible with Christian living.

A self-serving husband can "lust" after his wife at her expense.

Remember that when you get married, you are dedicating your life to serving your spouse. Jesus (and Paul) spoke at length comparing the relationship between God and Humanity in the same terms as a Husband and Wife.

Jesus is our servant king. He is our Lord, but lives to serve us. We return His love by serving Him in return.

Marriage works the same way. If sex is "what enjoyment can I get from this person" then it is against God's plan for how our bodies are to be used. If sex is "how can I please my spouse" then you are on the right track.

I've been married nearly 10 years now. Sex is an extension of love, not a catalyst. You don't love somebody because you get to have sex with them.

The challenge for the unmarried is to discern between love and the desire to have sex (lust).

Many married couples find that once the novelty of sex has worn off (about 2 years), they don't love their spouses as much as they thought they did (they loved the sex, not the soul).

My advice is to not confuse your desire to have sex... and it is STRONG (I remember those days)... with love. It is 100% possible to love someone without having sex with them.

If a loving relationship is a cake... sex is the icing. It's sweet. It makes the cake that much more tasty. But it's only a thin spread over the much larger cake... and without the cake, the icing is just a pile of sludge that will make you sick :p
 
Jesus is our servant king. He is our Lord, but lives to serve us. We return His love by serving Him in return.
What a beautiful statment of adoration, for our beautiful Loving King!

And oh so true! For God is Love! And Love is reciprocal! :)
 
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