HELP

LITSAFALDA

Prayer Angel, Moderator
Smiles I thought that may get your attention. At the end of this is a hmm testimony perhaps of bybloshex. ( I have his permission to share.) IMO he's soo overcome by what he feels is God directing him that he's stepping on toes etc. Both CCGR and myself have been trying to help but not sure how far we're getting. I do know Thad has spoken to him as well. And another of my close friends online who's just become one of ours lately has tried as well. I do know he needs some major prayers and the direction I am feeling led to take is for God's Guidance and work through him instead of him just acting like he thinks God is telling him to. I have struggled with this for a bit so much so that it bothers me. I personally from some of the other things he's shared would have run the other way myself from some of the hmmm imo suffocating things he's done to those he loves. ( and imo this has nothing to do with sex.) We have tried very hard not to say things that would come across mean or rude, etc.
This is a very long read and with my additions even a bit longer. I am hoping that with more heads and hearts together maybe we will be able to help. ( I am going to post his letter as a reply to give you a break poiint.)

Blessings,"Angel"
 

LITSAFALDA

Prayer Angel, Moderator
These are his exact words, etc. I have not changed anything including spelling, grammar, etc. Let me know what you think and how we can help. Blessings,"Angel"



If you have received this you are one I hope will understand me
better. MY story is a long and twisted one and for you to understand one
part you would have to know the entire thing from on side to the next.
I will begin by introducing myself and my personality. My name is
Raymon Anthony O'Keefe as I write this I am 17 years of age and live in
Philadelphia, PA In the Great U.S.A.. My personality like most is a very
unique one, I tend to be very different based on the environment. If you
talk to me on a forums I may seem snobby, in an Instant Message I may
seem insane, on the telephone I am emotional and in person I am silent.
Very few people know me enough to predict me accurately. I have a
severe case of Social anxiety disorder which prevents me from having any
type of friends or personal relationships. So, I've been alone and
friendless my entire life, of course until the great invention of the public
internet. I am silent in the sense of extreme silence. Not a word has
been muttered from my lips my entire 12 years of school. It is difficult
for me to say "here" during the roll call. Its not that I have
linguistic problems, its that I have what is called "Cat having your tongue" It
seems physically impossible for me to speak, I have much to say but I
do not say it even though I mean to. However on many occasions God has
given me the courage and ability to leap this hurdle when I needed it
most.
My past is a sad one. I grew up in an illusion, an illusion of
every child's dream, a happy family with a mother and father, this however
was not the case. My mother was and is an alcoholic, she has gotten
worse over time and has cheated on my dad on multiple occasions. I have no
respect for her, as she has never worked a day in her life or shown any
meaning to do anything but drink. My dad however is not much greater of
a person, as he spent his young age like most others of that time,
illegally street racing and partying. I've heard of physical abuse between
the two but have never witnessed it. I have two brothers who are kinda
cool, but one is your typical fat annoying kid who is nothing but
irritating and selfish. I never got in trouble at school and never did
anything wrong but yet I spent most of my childhood in my bedroom on
punishment for talking back and that sort of nonsense. On many occasions I
have rampaged destroying the entirety of my room.... I had anger and no
where to focus it. After 16 years of anger, confusion and a little bit of
love I discover that my Dad is not my father, and my Father turns out
to be some abusive druggy, who abused my mom and got my mom pregnant
while he was married to someone else. Honestly I don't care to ever meet
him, and really hope I do not. The guy I call Dad is my Father as far as
I am concerned.
Girls, well.... For being silent I have been with a large sum of
them somehow. I admit I had a cute stage, where I was just that short
and cute. Of course I was nothing but picked on by the guys but they were
just jealous I say, lankey ones they were! Almost all of my girlfriends
were just that girlfriends, I never as much as kissed most of them,
just said "mine" and they said "mine" back. Once middle school came along
so did sex, not the act, but the subject! Of course there was always
these guys bragging about doing it but I never believed them. I was
always the shy guy and alone, and somehow always ending up with someone to
call girlfriend. My first serious one, which if I look back on it now it
was a complete joke, but it was serious to me then was Olga. She was
nice, sweet and all that, I helped her out a lot in computer class! Once
I was convinced I was a vampire so I bit her, but she started crying
and I almost got suspended! Everyone who was in my class will remember
that, that is the first and only time I was in the public spotlight. With
Olga I wanted her to be my wife, so I got her an 80 gold ring with a
little diamond on it and all! But me calling her wife got her mad and she
dumped me just for that.... and within a week she was dating an 18 year
old who had a BMW, keep in mind she was only 15. Luckily for me that
was the end of the school year so I didn't have to see her again. The
next school year I entered the Punk stage of my life, I just like how it
feels to wear chains! During the punk stage I attracted a girl named
Jillian, she like me was very quiet and we got to know each other by
sitting out of a class thing together. We both wore black and listened to
whatever music was cool at the moment. I went out with Jillian for a
total of 8 months, but during 4 of those months she was put away for trying
to kill herself. During her time away she contacted a few people, I was
not one of them. When she got out she came over to me, but out of
stupid anger I stormed out of the room. So selfish I was. That was the very
end of the 8th grade school year when that happened. So it was time now
for highschool.
Highschool started out bad and ended worse. My hormones were
kicking and there was this cut blonde who showed some interest in me. Her
name is Kristine and she is probably on of the biggest factors in my
life. It started out as a little obsession on my part, writing her letters.
Now she was a trophy and I wasn't the only one who wanted her, and
truthfully she was already taken, she has been with this guy B.J. for a
year. However he moved far way and they couldn't see each other. However
when they did see each other her stupid parents let them sleep together,
she was only 15. Why they let their daughter do that, I do not know.
She was experience in everything I was interested in at the time. Once I
walked her to her bus and for the first time felt I had accomplished
something great. She was a beautiful thing and I was a terrible person.
After writing back and fourth for a month she decided she would ditch
her friend to hang out with me. So we went to the movies together, we saw
that movie about Eddie murphy and him dying, whatever its called.
Anyway during the movie she placed my hand on her thigh and complained it
wasn't up high enough. Of course I was frightened and just didn't do
anything! Afterwards we went to my house just to hang out for a few minutes
and she made a few noticeable passes which I didn't notice back then.
About a week later I went over to her place and we hung out in
some woods near here house, along came on of her female friends, they both
smoked and tried to get me to, but I just said NO. Well she convinced
me of a way to smoke, she said she will put our lips together and blow
the smoke form her mouth to mine. We did that and to act tough I fought
the coughing to the best of my ability. My eyes watered and everything,
it was terrible. She went over into a huddle with her friend and came
back to do it again. Only this time It wasn't smoke she put into my
mouth it was her tongue. That was my first ever french kiss. I was happy
with what I was doing. She was cheating on her guy she had been with for
a year and I was happy with it and I wanted it. The next time I came to
her house which was less then a week later, we went out back and she
had a little swinging bench thing behind trees where her parents couldn't
see.. And she brought some of my wildest dreams to life that day and I
had no idea those things even happened. I only knew her for a short
time ad she was dating some other guy... I was a breaker of love, I came
into her life and stole away her love for someone and replaced it with
my lust. Now I realize what a monster I was. Before Kristine and I ever
had sex she wrote a letter to the guy saying she is breaking up with
him because she knows she loves me. We slept together a lot, at least
once or twice a day everyday. Her parents were home on many occasions, did
they care? No. I abused her, she gave her life to me and abused her. No
I didn't hit her, but I made her feel bad and said mean things.... She
wanted to start going out and drinking, I wouldn't let her do this and
eventually she left me for it. And the word abuse as thrown around too
much and people have tried to murder me thinking that I beat her up.
Kristine went out drinking, and smoking. Got herself nearly and
completely raped. Its sad, she was a sweet girl but the world around her
destroyed her. Now she is abused by guy after guy, cheating on her and plain
out treating her like trash. I have not talked to her in about 2 years,
I wish I knew she was doing better.
Kristine, I love her to this day. After kristine left me and the
threats became more severe I moved schools to a private school. I didn't
only move to a new school because people wanted to kill me but because
some people ate the other school sexually assaulted Kristine almost
every day I was absent form school and she was afraid the days I was
absent and the school security did nothing to protect her. No one ever
protected her, not even her parents. Also during one of Kristine and My many
short breakups I asked out Jillian again who said yes, I took her into
her basement and she did things to please me... I wanted nothing but
pleasure in those days. After that Friday ended I called her that night
and said on Monday during school we will announce our reunion. That
Monday Kristine approached me asking for me back. I said Yes and Ignored
Jillian throughout the day and after school that day went to Jillian's
house claiming to have not seen her that day and proceeded to get what I
wanted form her body. I never had sex with Jillian in the traditional
sense however. After that Day I went to Kristines every day after school
and slept with her. I had cheated on them both at the same time. After
a while more Kristine revealed to me that she had been almost raped
when she was drunk, I was furious that she did this to herself and was
even more furious that she still kept secrets form me. She broke up with
me saying its her life not my book to read. Ironic isn't it?
I went from there to Delaware Valley Private school to make up for
the year I failed previously. I failed because I slept throughout the
whole thing without a care. At Delaware valley it takes 2 years to
finish instead of 4 so I would be able to graduate sooner then I was
schedule even though I failed once. The first thing I looked for when I got
there was girls, I was only 16 and had gone through over 15 girls
already, but I wanted a new one. Remember I only slept with Kristine up until
this time. I met a girl named Kate, she was with a guy and in a similar
situation as Kristine only Kate lived near her boyfriend and slept over
all the time and her parents allowed it. Out of pity Kate went with me
Christmas shopping at the mall. She has a cute and unique personality
which made up for my silence. On our final run through the mall I had
not succeeded in seducing her and I was convinced she will not cheat on
her man. As we finished shopping and we ready to leave I spotted
Kristine, who gave me the coldest stare of my life. My entire body felt sick I
will never forget that glare. I turned around and there were these
guys, like 10 feet tall coming for us. The bigger of the guys approached
Kate, I stood between them. This idiot thought Kate was my date and he
wanted to hurt her. One of the guys was armed with a knife, So I decided
we should flee... So I grabbed Kate by her side and turned away and
walked away fast... They perused. I heard a cry in the distance. "Please
stop" It was Kristine begging them to spare us. She may have saved my
life that day in spit of all of the horrible things I have done to her.
She has a place in my heart.
Since then people called my house threatening to shoot me and
nonsense like that, for what? Well they thought I had beat Kristine up.
Funny thing is one of the guys threatening me was one who tried to rape
her. After this I never returned to that mall.
I couldn't find a new girl so I went back to an old one, Jillian.
After talking to her for a month online we decided to meet up at her
place. We did and her friend was there. Her friend is MT. Mt was a giddy
little creature bouncing around joyfully, she reminded me very much so
of a Pokemon. At the end of the evening I kissed Jillian once. Te next
day we talked online, Jillian and I. And when Jillian left the room MT
took over her PC and told me she was interested in me. It turned to
they were both lesbian because nether had ever had a guy before. Once
again I abandoned Jillian for a trophy which MT is. Mt came over my house a
few times and within a week she gave her virginity to me. It was
excruciating and amazing. This is the first time I had ever felt that someone
loved me. It turns out she had stripped for another guy and she wanted
my permission to do it again. What do you think I said? NO WAY! Of
course she ended up angry with me, which I think is completely ridiculous.
Back then I lived with my drunk mom and my parents had split up, so MT
and I spent all day every day alone in my room in the dark doing all
kinds of things with each other. She dressed skimpy and I liked it, she
wanted to drink alcohol and I let her. We were 10 feet under in sin and
loved every minute of it. Eventually my mom attacked me in drunken rage
and in self defense I Pushed her off of me, she got hurt and said I
tried to kill her. So I had t move in with my Dad who was insanely
Christian at the time. I was still going to Delaware valley and was happy
because MT loved and supported me when I was hurt or alone. As a rule for
living at my Dad's house I was forced to go to Calvary Chapel twice a
week for bible study. I was major atheist back then because I wanted to
be, I wanted to screw MT, and if God was real I wouldn't be able to do
that. After time and going through a few books of the bible I realized,
this God thing isn't that bad. If God is real then I can spend eternity
with MT and nothing could separate this. And I simply prayed, "God if
you are there show yourself/" and he did just that. At the time I spent
most of the school day reading scripture trying to understand it more.
The bible spoke to me, it was alive. The day after praying for God to
reveal himself I say at this very PC and said, hmm maybe I should check
my horoscope, for no logical reason, I never check my horoscope! I wen
to MSN.com and read it.. "Your free time has been taken up by reading
holy scripture, do not worry you will not be disappointed" I almost peed
my pants! There it was, God revealing himself to me. Soon after that I
said Jesus I know you are there, I know I am a sinner and I want to
live forever. I was saved.
MT however never was. We continued happily as normal. God gave us
many blessings along the way, He gave me the courage and ability to
dance at her Prom, do you believe it! ME DANCE!!? I couldn't have ever
danced in public before, but God gave me the courage to do it for her. Did
she appreciate it? No, She complained I didn't dance enough. I soon
after graduated highschool with my diploma, she was there at my side
during the ceremony. We continued to enjoy each other's bodies and I was so
happy at that time, I wanted it to last forever, We had so much
uniqueness. She would call me her baby and I would call her my Nu Mou, It was
amazing. We both gave up so much to see each other, but she Got
something back form the past, and old friend came alone and changed
everything. She started talking to Jillian again, who had recently posed online
as someone else and threatened to kill MT. Mt being a fool because
friends with Jillian anyway, who slowly turned MT against me. Nothing could
ruin my joy.... But it did. MT Abandoned and Betrayed me, she broke her
word, her promise and my heart.
Because I did not allow her to wear revealing shorts and asked her
to stay inside at night, don't drink or go to parties, she broke it
off. Our one year and a half Heaven, She ended it because her friend,
Jillian convinced her to live for fun instead of living for love. MT is
gone and may never come back. Every day Now I sit here alone, searching
for that happiness, It may never come back. Now MT wears shorts that when
she site you can see her, and she goes downtown to the most dangerous
area of Philadelphia to hang out till 6am.... she is lost and may never
be found.
What role has God played in this? First he brought Kristine into
my life, she wasn't the problem, I was. She just went along with it,
until she ended up the mess she is. I pray for her. I prayed for MT to
exist, a girl who would want love over fun, a girl who would make promises
and keep them. This was MT until she was deceived and taken from me and
the road to heaven. My Lord has given me all I asked, Eternal Life and
a woman to spend it with, but she denied this. She betrayed me because
the laws of God were too strict and she proffered to do what she wanted
when she wanted... It wasn't always so, she used to strive and struggle
to do right, but Jillian convinced her to give up. God has given me
many personal blessings and miracles. My first known miracle was him
revealing himself to me. The next I remember is once in my happy days, I was
on my way to MT's house and I began to weep as I walked down the
street. My tears were tears of Joy, I was so happy with everything God has
given me and what have I given him back? I could never repay him and he
didn't mind, so I cried happy tears and asked, "God what is it you want
from me?" at that moment a bus pulled up. The bus was on its way in
MT's direction so I got on. The bus was vacant, except for one person
besides the driver. It was a man who was sitting alone at the front of the
bus. I sat down across from him and read his shirt in amazement! A
Bible verse!! This man's shirt had a bible verse on it?! Being the techno
geek I am, I carry a PC in my pocket at all times, which contains 5
different versions of the bible. I looked up the verse written on his shirt
and it plainly said "Sing your praise loud." I wept again. For all he
has given me what he wants back is for me to sing to him? I cry as I
write this.. So now I sing to him when I am alone, mostly to songs of the
band called LIVE! Because they make me cry as well. If you ever met me
you would never even consider me to have cried once, but I cry more
then any baby! These personal miracles from God overwhelm me with joy when
they happen and light me up in times of darkness like right now.
Another miracle of mine is once a teacher of mine was speaking to the class
of homosexuality and how she though its ok, and Boy did I give it to her
in words, I literally stood up in the middle of her squabble and said
enough to sit her down. She never again spoke of homosexuality in her
class. I am known to be a very convincing and strong willed person. I
thank god for my superior skills in understanding, who am I to call my
skill superior? Well if you are in the military you may know of the ASVAB
test, I took this test and in the Subjects of Word knowledge and Word
understanding I scored in the 95% and 98% percentile for 12th graders
across the nation. The marines, army, national guard and Navy bugged me
for a good while to join them, but at the time I was with MT and
wouldn't leave her for anything, so I turned them down. At he moment I am
listening to the song Overcome by Live! I recommend it to anyone who wants
to hear about this world from a Christian view. God is real there is no
doubt, how can I be so sure? He is in my heart just as much as the
knowledge of requiring water to live. I just know, I cannot prove it to
anyone and any Christian will know this feeling. I eventually see this
becoming the Book of Raymon with the rate that it is growing.
Since Mts abandonment I can do nothing but ask why. There are a
few answers that could be true.
1) God is punishing me for sinning with his gift to me. This is the
most unlikely.
2) God has separated us because he knows she will never be saved.
3) God wants to give me a story to share with others.
If you have any other considerations I am open to hearing them, but
that is all I can come up with at the moment.
I am undenominational, why because calling yourself part of a
denomination signifies that you are not willing to unite with anyone who
does not share the same exact beliefs as you, which I feel is foolishness
for in heaven we will all know the complete truth and no denomination
will exist. I attend Calvary Chapel Philadelphia which started out is a
group of 10 in the back of a restaurant. After enough donations Joe was
able to purchase an old meter factory and has turned it into a Calvary
Christian Academy. Joe has been teaching for over 20 years and his
story is amazing. You can listen to him read any chapter of the bible by
going to his site www.ccphilly.org and going to the verse by verse
section. Our location has 9,000 weekly attendees and 3,000 students that
attend the academy that ranges from grades K-12. If you are ever in
Philadelphia I recommend you visit Joe, he speaks to the heart and to the mind
for us intellectual types. There are Calvary chapel locations across
the globe, we even have a few in China. You can go to
www.calvarychapel.com and find the location nearest you. Here I am advertising the word of
God, is that wrong? I trust the calvaries because well, Joe is one who
teaches the other pastors and he has never taught anything incorrectly
or incompletely.
Enough about my Chapel, When MT was with me, she gave me a big red
teddy bear and we named it MT bear, but when she abandoned me I
destroyed it, was this wrong? It was a symbol of her love.... Its not stapled
back together and in a duffle bag under my bed along with all of the
wedding pictures she drew and words of love she wrote to me. These
letters will make a monster cry.... She was an Angel to me but she was
deceived, please pray for her to clear her mind and pray that her will isn't
done, pray that Gods will is done through her before she is lost to us
forever. I am considering contacting Kristine again to see how she is
doing, but I doubt she has improved, oh Lord please come soon and reap
your harvest, we are waiting for you.
,Raymon of the Keefe,
A servant of Christ.
 

rizz

New Member
I will read this proper when i have time. I have already offered myself as a contact to him.. we will see where that goes..
 

Avesther

New Member
I just finished reading this..wow. I don't know what to say at the moment, but I will prayerfully consider it.
 

LionOfJudah

Member, Dreamcast Fishing Guru
honestly, he said he asked Jesus into his heart. good. has he been baptized? he has the chance. also he says he hears alot of God's word but he doesnt know it at all. what are you trying to help him with. If he wants to learn and grow, then he needs to study for himself. we all have our sins. honestly he has a very flawed view of God and a world view from what i can tell. he is zealous? but he has no direction no grounding like so many. he runs every which way and is blown upon the sea of life like a vessel in a storm. i love him as a brother in Christ, that is why i am hard on him in my posts.


his testimony is that of most guys i have known through highschool, they tryed everything under the sun, have sex all the time, when they finally feel broken and empty that is when they turn to God. sad story, its life. He has a long way to go, he needs the renewing of his mind and heart. from what i read maybe i just read it wrong so i read it five times. he asked Jesus into his heart but he was still trying to find a girl to have sex with (maybe i am wrong i hope i am). he needs to find contemptment in Christ and Christ alone.
 

LITSAFALDA

Prayer Angel, Moderator
I am going to keep listening for now before I add more to this. I do feel like he needs a lot of help in what way I can't straighten out in my heart enough to put words to it. Keep praying and letting me know what you think. This is here not in public cause I am not gonna deal with a few of the other guys out there. I think most of you will understand. Don't worry one day my heart is gonna burst and holler and tell what I feel etc but just not yet. Tis not God's timing for me to speak in the public forums with all of them. Blessings,"Angel"
 

LITSAFALDA

Prayer Angel, Moderator
Here's his latest addition. Some repetitive but maybe a bit more readable. Blessings,"Angel"


My story is long and twisted and takes a soft heart to understand it. For you to understand

me and my pains. Lets start off with who am I.

My name is Raymon Anthony O'Keefe, as I write this I am 17 years of age and was born

February 14 1987. I was born in California in an uncertain City. I currently live in Northeast

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA. Where i live is a dangerous and scary place. Gunshots are

common sirens are not. Terrible things happen alot here and the people I love are not

excempt from them. I would never want to raise a family anywhere near here, no one deserves

to be born into this hellish enviroment.

I came to Philadelphia around the age of 1 and have been here ever since. Ive only

ever known one father up until the age of 16 I learned of another one. My personality is

very much so unique, so unique I have never heard of anyone that is anywhere near

similar to me. My Brain funtionc very strangely as well. I have always been silent, now alot

of people say shy but for me that would be an extremem understatement. I do not ever open up

and very few poeple have ever had th experience of seeing me "alive". Througout school I was

always picked on for being mirginally shorter then the rest and I was a good target because I never

spoke back or stood up. On a few occasions I did however, but these were cases of extreme rage.

You see, the way my parent were when they were together was a terrible way for a child to develop in.

My Dad was a smarty know it all... who wanted nothing more then to boss others around, and my

Mother was a Drunken adulterer. From the outside it appeared as one big happy family. But the truth

is pretty sad. My Mom wasnt always like this, she was always carnal and wordly like most poeple,

but she wasnt always a major drunkard. She taught me to read before I entered Kindergarten, which

im pretty proud of. my English skills have always been top notch and the 3 branches of the US

military seem to agree. I scored 98% Nationally in the section of Word Understanding in comparison

with 12th graders. So I know words well. My brothers and Dad understand this but my Mom just doesnt

get it, neither do the people who constantly butcher the language.

I went through school alone, never had any friends, close or not. No one to ever hang out with

nothing. I didnt mind really. Nintendo was new and I loved videogames. Eventually I got a little older.

And my parents bugged me to get out more. Which in my opinion is idiotic. Outside of my room is

nothing but Drugs, sex and risk of death. My brothers share the same wisdom and keep themselves

occupied safetly. My Parents began to punish me for nothing really, I never got into trouble at school

for anything, never did anything. But I would defy them for their cruelty, so they would punish me more.

As a kid who never did anything wrong I spent alot of time in my room. There was no Justice, and I was

storing up alot of hate and rage. Every once in a while some one would get it. The first time I

remember was like this. There was this Kid, a sick little brat, we were both in 3rd grade and he would

watch pornography and tried to get me to, I didnt want ot have anything to do with it. And he

had a BB gun and shot my house, he threw knives at my first girlfriend. He was and still is

a monster. Well anyway, I had a very expensive lego set, the one of the big castle and it came with

a shiney sword, now a days shiney swords are common but back then you had ot buy a 50$ set to

get one, and I had one. Now to us now its a stupid little shiney Lego sword, but to me back then it was

my treasure. One day at school in the courtyard he announces he has my shiney sword in front of

everyone. He pulls it out of his pocket and shows it around. THen he scrapes all the shiney paint off

and twists it up..... Only other thing I remember is me kicking his head into a brick wall... He was bigger

and older then me, but he destroyed my shiney sword and I was like 8. I never got caught for that and

was really too weak to kill him or anything and since no one cares about anything there it was

never spoken of again. My first girlfriend was named Charlote, she was 3 years older then me and i met

her simply becase she was my neighbor. She was about 13 when I was about 10... And she hung out with

that monster who shower her porn, threw knives at her and sexually assaulted her. She kept going

back there because she didnt know any better. She was my first kiss. And in a way, I lost my

virginity to her. I say in a way, because I was 10 she was 13 and neither of us knew anything of

what was going on and I wasnt physically able to have sex. Anyway, she moved and forgot all about me

and now she is a... major, slut. She was my only childhood friend really.

In 4th grade we moved so another place in philadelphia. In school we were just beggining

to learn multiplication and in the new school they had already leanred that and long division,

because of this I am terrible at multiplication and never learned Long Division. I missed my

critical period so now my math skills are screwed forever. If you ever have kids dont let this happen to

them. make sure they know mulitplication, division and reading before they turn 13 or it will be extrememly

difficult if not impossible for them to ever catch up. Thats just how the brain grows. Anyway at this new

house and new school I met Zack and Nick, who are the only male people who ever called me friend.

How I met them was simple, I sat at the table they "owned" in the cafateria and they pulled me into their

little posse. Zack was always a maniacle rebel.Nick was quiet and cold really. Zack was my buddy

for about 5 years until he changed and became a waanabe rockstar. Nick has always been distant from

me. My first important girlfriend in middle school was named Olga, She was a tall, blonde, blue eyed

russian girl. And was the only girl who was 'formed' in that grade. She was always more mature acting

then the rest and I thought its because she had heart. I was wrong. I asked her out with a letter, she said

sure. We never did as much as hug, because im deadly shy and she just never initiated anything.

the whole 'relationship' was me helping her out in computer class. As I always had talent in that area.

During our 'reltaionship' I was convinced by myself that I was a vampire and that If i bite her she will be one

to. I bit her neck in the middle of class, She screemed and cried. Whoops. My first time getting in trouble.

She wasnt angry with me just a little confused. We were both about 13 then. Things went kind of the same

really. We didnt do anything, would chatter on the phone a bit and I would help her in computer class.

That christmas I bought her an 80$ Golden ring with microscopic diamonds on it. I gave it to her,

called her wife, she gave it back and dumped me just like that. Keep in mind I was little and really

didnt mean anything of it... It turns out she was seeing an 18 year old who owned a BMW... and they

did alot more then I did. Poor girl I say. Yeah, she was 13 with an 18 year old and they did alot more

then I did. I was begging to get sick of this world already and started being a bit more dead then usual.

And by wearing dark clothes and by sitting out I caught the attention of a girl named Jillian. Remmber that

name because she is the single most influential person in my entire history.

I wore black because I liked black, it reflected how i felt. Shw wore it because it was the new

cool thing catching on. She had major mental problems, and was suicidal. we met because we both sat

out of a class project. It went pretty slow and eventually we started kissing. Before it got any further

we broke up... why? I dont exactly remember.. but we Did, and I started seeing this girl Traci.

Traci had large..things and because of this she was constantly assualted by the guys. I felt

lucky to be with her. One day I went to her place to hang out with her. First time I ever saw a

naked female chest in person. She was a slut because everyone wanted her to be. I made out with

her that day. Her friends came over and we all went ot the park. She showed 3 other guys all she had

showed me and done all the same things with them while I was there. She cheated on me with 3

people in fornt of me. I wanted to leave. Since then she forgot she was dating me and I went back to Jillian.

Jillian and myself got back to our rutine of hanging out alone at our house. We started to do more and more,

but never went below the belt. That is all my life comprised of for 8 months. School, her chest, sleep, repeat.

I was about 14 I guess. Not exaclt sure on the numbers as I have said beore my math skills are lacking.

Eventually without warning, she tried to kill herself and was put away at a mental hospital. She was there

for 4 months and during this tim I thought she wanst allowed ot call anyone. I was wrong, she called a few

people and I was not one of them. She called Traci and one of the guys who Traci cheated on me with.

When she was released, she apporached me and stormed out. She had betrayed me and decieved me.

That was the end of 8th grade. But Jillian would be back. At the beggining of 9th grade I met

Kristine. She was amazing in ever way. we were both 15 and she had an excellent devolped body,

blonde hair and was really sweet. But like all girls blessed with sweet frames she was wanted as

a slut and she fell for it. Kristine had been dating a guy for over a year, but the guy's family had moved far

away. Still they would see eachother... the worst part is she would Go there and sleep with him

overnight at the age of 15 and her parents allowed it. Nothing on her was virgin.... It sad really.

So much potential destroyed by this sick world, and myself. Kristine was addicted to it. She

thought of and considered it all day everyday, and I knew nothing about it. She would change all

of that.

It started out as this, I wrote letter to her going on and on about how much I liked her.

Eventually she gave into me and decided we should go see a movie. She was still dating this other

guy. We went to see the movie about Eddie Murphie dying and becoming a ghost or whatever...

She put my hand on her thigh and dared me to move it up futher. I didnt do a thing, but watch the

movie. Afterwards we went to my house just to hang out for a few minutes and she made a few noticeable

passes which I didn't notice back then. About a week later I went over to her place and we hung out in some

woods near her house, along came on of her female friends, they both smoked and tried to get me to, but

I just said NO. Well she convinced me of a way to smoke, she said she will put our lips

together and blow the smoke form her mouth to mine. We did that and to act tough I fought

the coughing to the best of my ability. My eyes watered and everything, it was terrible.

She went over into a huddle with her friend and came back to do it again. Only this time

It wasn't smoke she put into my mouth it was her tongue. That was my first ever french kiss.

I was happy with what I was doing. She was cheating on her guy she had been with for a year

and I was happy with it and I wanted it. The next time I came to her house which was less

then a week later, we went out back and she had a little swinging bench thing behind trees

where her parents couldn't see.. And she brought some of my wildest dreams to life that day

and I had no idea those things even happened. I only knew her for a short time ad she was

dating some other guy. It was the first time for a few things.

I was a destroyer of love, I came into her life and removed someone she loved and

replaced it with my sick lust for her body. After that she wrote the guy a letter saying shes dumping

him for me because she belives she loves me. It was lust, nothing more. we lusted for eachother

uncontrollably. Our daily routine was this. Meet eachother before school. Kiss a bit, get to class.

I would sleep the day away and she would do her school work. Afterwards we would go to her house and

indulge in eachother's bodies all day everyday. It was bliss, but it was hollow. I didnt care for or appreciate

the important things about her, I just wanted her flesh and she gave it to me. I was abusive to her, I never

ever, hit a girl. Never would I do such a thing. But I used cruel words on her and made her cry.

I was suspicious of her. Why? Because she had cheated on someone else with me and it was

all too good to be true. It was true but my suspicion destroyed it. She got fed up with my abuse and left

me. People took the word abuse the wrong way and have attempted to kill me. These same poeple

have raped her. Kristine was the first time I was happy and had something to look forward to. She gave

me so much, and many things I did not appreciate then, but do now. She gave me company and

support and she, unlike everyone else i have ever known, she had never betrayed me. After she left me

she got sucked into the world, alcohol and just sickness. After me she went out with a guy, who

of course screwed her immediatly, she ended up with a girlfriend, a boyfriend who cheated on her

and nothing but sex all around her. Since then she has been cheated on and abused by everyone

she has ever trusted. Guys and girls alike have decieved her into giving them her body. I feel

terrible for her. She was a great girl but the world destroyed her and turned her into a careless slut.

Kristine, I love her to this day. After kristine left me and the threats became more

severe I moved schools to a private school. I didn't only move to a new school because people

wanted to kill me but because some people ate the other school sexually assaulted Kristine

almost every day I was absent form school and she was afraid the days I was absent and the

school security did nothing to protect her. No one ever protected her, not even her parents.

Also during one of Kristine and My many short breakups I asked out Jillian again who said yes,

I took her into her basement and she did things to please me... I wanted nothing but pleasure

in those days. After that Friday ended I called her that night and said on Monday during

school we will announce our reunion. That Monday Kristine approached me asking for me back.

I said Yes and Ignored Jillian throughout the day and after school that day went to Jillian's

house claiming to have not seen her that day and proceeded to get what I wanted form her body.

I never had sex with Jillian in the traditional sense however. After that Day I went to

Kristines every day after school and slept with her. I had cheated on them both at the same

time. After a while more Kristine revealed to me that she had been almost raped when she was

drunk, I was furious that she did this to herself and was even more furious that she still

kept secrets form me. She broke up with me saying its her life not my book to read. Ironic

isn't it?

During the time I was with Kristine a few things happened around me. One, Jillian

continued to try and kill herself and up till now as slept with quite a few guys after dating them for

not even a day. That Girl Traci, gossiped and caused major friction between Kristine and I.

As it Turns out Traci had had sex with a few people and has had a few sexual encounters

with her pet dogs. Not exactly encounters.... She just did sexual things to her dogs.

I went from there to Delaware Valley Private school to make up for the year I failed

previously. I failed because I slept throughout the whole thing without a care. At Delaware

valley it takes 2 years to finish instead of 4 so I would be able to graduate sooner then

I was schedule even though I failed once. The first thing I looked for when I got there

was girls, I was only 16 and had gone through over 15 girls already, but I wanted a new

one. Remember I only slept with Kristine up until this time. I met a girl named Kate, she

was with a guy and in a similar situation as Kristine only Kate lived near her boyfriend

and slept over all the time and her parents allowed it. Out of pity Kate went with me Christmas

shopping at the mall. She has a cute and unique personality which made up for my silence. On

our final run through the mall I had not succeeded in seducing her and I was convinced she will

not cheat on her man. As we finished shopping and we ready to leave I spotted Kristine, who gave

me the coldest stare of my life. My entire body felt sick I will never forget that glare. I

turned around and there were these guys, like 10 feet tall coming for us. The bigger of the guys

approached Kate, I stood between them. This idiot thought Kate was my date and he wanted to

hurt her. One of the guys was armed with a knife, So I decided we should flee... So I grabbed

Kate by her side and turned away and walked away fast... They perused. I heard a cry in the

distance. "Please stop" It was Kristine begging them to spare us. She may have saved my life

that day in spit of all of the horrible things I have done to her. She has a place in my heart.

Since then people called my house threatening to shoot me and nonsense like that, for

what? Well they thought I had beat Kristine up. Funny thing is one of the guys threatening me

was one who tried to rape her. After this I never returned to that mall.

I couldn't find a new girl so I went back to an old one, Jillian. After talking to her for

a month online we decided to meet up at her place. We did and her friend was there. Her friend

is MT. Mt was a giddy little creature bouncing around joyfully, she reminded me very much so of

a Pokemon. At the end of the evening I kissed Jillian once. Te next day we talked online,

Jillian and I. And when Jillian left the room MT took over her PC and told me she was interested

in me. It turned to they were both lesbian because nether had ever had a guy before. Once

again I abandoned Jillian for a trophy which MT is. Mt came over my house a few times and

within a week she gave her virginity to me. It was excruciating and amazing. This is the first

time I had ever felt that someone loved me. It turns out she had stripped for another guy and

she wanted my permission to do it again. What do you think I said? NO WAY! Of course she ended

up angry with me, which I think is completely ridiculous. Back then I lived with my drunk mom

and my parents had split up, so MT and I spent all day every day alone in my room in the dark

doing all kinds of things with each other. She dressed skimpy and I liked it, she wanted to drink

alcohol and I let her. We were 10 feet under in sin and loved every minute of it. Eventually my

mom attacked me in drunken rage and in self defense I Pushed her off of me, she got hurt and said

I tried to kill her. So I had t move in with my Dad who was insanely Christian at the time.

I was still going to Delaware valley and was happy because MT loved and supported me when I

was hurt or alone. As a rule for living at my Dad's house I was forced to go to Calvary Chapel

twice a week for bible study. I was major atheist back then because I wanted to be, I wanted to

screw MT, and if God was real I wouldn't be able to do that. After time and going through a

few books of the bible I realized, this God thing isn't that bad. If God is real then I can spend

eternity with MT and nothing could separate this. And I simply prayed, "God if you are there show

yourself/" and he did just that. At the time I spent most of the school day reading scripture

trying to understand it more. The bible spoke to me, it was alive. The day after praying for God

to reveal himself I say at this very PC and said, hmm maybe I should check my horoscope, for no

logical reason, I never check my horoscope! I wen to MSN.com and read it.. "Your free time has

been taken up by reading holy scripture, do not worry you will not be disappointed" I almost

peed my pants! There it was, God revealing himself to me. Soon after that I said Jesus I know

you are there, I know I am a sinner and I want to live forever. I was saved.

MT however never was. We continued happily as normal. God gave us many blessings along

the way, He gave me the courage and ability to dance at her Prom, do you believe it! ME DANCE!!?

I couldn't have ever danced in public before, but God gave me the courage to do it for her. Did

she appreciate it? No, She complained I didn't dance enough. I soon after graduated highschool

with my diploma, she was there at my side during the ceremony. We continued to enjoy each other's

bodies and I was so happy at that time, I wanted it to last forever, We had so much uniqueness.

She would call me her baby and I would call her my Nu Mou, It was amazing. We both gave up so

much to see each other, but she Got something back form the past, and old friend came alone and

changed everything. She started talking to Jillian again, who had recently posed online as

someone else and threatened to kill MT. Mt being a fool because friends with Jillian anyway,

who slowly turned MT against me. Nothing could ruin my joy.... But it did. MT Abandoned and

Betrayed me, she broke her word, her promise and my heart.

Because I did not allow her to wear revealing shorts and asked her to stay inside at night,

don't drink or go to parties, she broke it off. Our one year and a half Heaven, She ended it

because her friend, Jillian convinced her to live for fun instead of living for love. MT is

gone and may never come back. Every day Now I sit here alone, searching for that happiness,

It may never come back. Now MT wears shorts that when she sits you can see her thing, and she goes

downtown to the most dangerous area of Philadelphia to hang out till 6am.... she is lost and may

never be found.

What role has God played in this? First he brought Kristine into my life, she wasn't the

problem, I was. She just went along with it, until she ended up the mess she is. I pray for her

I prayed for MT to exist, a girl who would want love over fun, a girl who would make promises and

keep them. This was MT until she was deceived and taken from me and the road to heaven. My Lord has

given me all I asked, Eternal Life and a woman to spend it with, but she denied this. She betrayed

me because the laws of God were too strict and she proffered to do what she wanted when she wanted...

It wasn't always so, she used to strive and struggle to do right, but Jillian convinced her to give

up. God has given me many personal blessings and miracles. My first known miracle was him revealing

himself to me. The next I remember is once in my happy days, I was on my way to MT's house and I

began to weep as I walked down the street. My tears were tears of Joy, I was so happy with everything

God has given me and what have I given him back? I could never repay him and he didn't mind, so I

cried happy tears and asked, "God what is it you want from me?" at that moment a bus pulled up. The

bus was on its way in MT's direction so I got on. The bus was vacant, except for one person besides

the driver. It was a man who was sitting alone at the front of the bus. I sat down across from him

and read his shirt in amazement! A Bible verse!! This man's shirt had a bible verse on it?! Being the

techno geek I am, I carry a PC in my pocket at all times, which contains 5 different versions of the

bible. I looked up the verse written on his shirt and it plainly said "Sing your praise loud." I wept

again. For all he has given me what he wants back is for me to sing to him? I cry as I write this..

So now I sing to him when I am alone, mostly to songs of the band called LIVE! Because they make me

cry as well. If you ever met me you would never even consider me to have cried once, but I cry more

then any baby! These personal miracles from God overwhelm me with joy when they happen and light me

up in times of darkness like right now. Another miracle of mine is once a teacher of mine was speaking

to the class of homosexuality and how she though its ok, and Boy did I give it to her in words, I

literally stood up in the middle of her squabble and said enough to sit her down. She never again

spoke of homosexuality in her class. I am known to be a very convincing and strong willed person. I

thank god for my superior skills in understanding, who am I to call my skill superior? Well if you

are in the military you may know of the ASVAB test, I took this test and in the Subjects of Word

knowledge and Word understanding I scored in the 95% and 98% percentile for 12th graders across the

nation. The marines, army, national guard and Navy bugged me for a good while to join them, but at

the time I was with MT and wouldn't leave her for anything, so I turned them down. At he moment I am

listening to the song Overcome by Live! I recommend it to anyone who wants to hear about this world

from a Christian view. God is real there is no doubt, how can I be so sure? He is in my heart just

as much as the knowledge of requiring water to live. I just know, I cannot prove it to anyone and

any Christian will know this feeling. I eventually see this becoming the Book of Raymon with the rate

that it is growing.

I am undenominational, why because calling yourself part of a denomination signifies that you

are not willing to unite with anyone who does not share the same exact beliefs as you, which I feel

is foolishness for in heaven we will all know the complete truth and no denomination will exist. I

attend Calvary Chapel Philadelphia which started out is a group of 10 in the back of a restaurant.

After enough donations Joe was able to purchase an old meter factory and has turned it into a Calvary

Christian Academy. Joe has been teaching for over 20 years and his story is amazing. You can listen to

him read any chapter of the bible by going to his site www.ccphilly.org and going to the verse by verse

section. Our location has 9,000 weekly attendees and 3,000 students that attend the academy that ranges

from grades K-12. If you are ever in Philadelphia I recommend you visit Joe, he speaks to the heart and

to the mind for us intellectual types. There are Calvary chapel locations across the globe, we even have

a few in China. You can go to www.calvarychapel.com and find the location nearest you. Here I am advertising

the word of God, is that wrong? I trust the calvaries because well, Joe is one who teaches the other pastors

and he has never taught anything incorrectly or incompletely.

Enough about my Chapel, When MT was with me, she gave me a big red teddy bear and we named it MT bear,

but when she abandoned me I destroyed it, was this wrong? It was a symbol of her love.... Its not stapled back

together and in a duffle bag under my bed along with all of the wedding pictures she drew and words of love

she wrote to me. These letters will make a monster cry.... She was an Angel to me but she was deceived, please

pray for her to clear her mind and pray that her will isn't done, pray that Gods will is done through her

before she is lost to us forever. I am considering contacting Kristine again to see how she is doing, but I

doubt she has improved, oh Lord please come soon and reap your harvest, we are waiting for you.

MT cheated on me in all sense of the word. Mostly with females even. Like I mentioned before

she called herself a lesbian once, until of course she had her first guy and all of them ideas went out the

window. But when me and MT were new she cheated on me with a couple girls on a few occasions. The more I think

of MT the more angry I get, because as far back as I can remember, I never treater her wrong or did anything

wrong to her, I did everything she asked and always tried my hardest to please her. but none of that matters

to her now, shes cold... I have concluded this is that exploration stage we all go through. Ive known MT

since she was 15 and I wanred her about this stage and she should try her best to avoid it... What she does

now many of you tell me to let her do what she wants, but I wonder if you know what life is like in Philadelphia?

Ive known a few girls to be raped... Ive known plenty of poeple to have been murdered and she sticks herself right

in the middle of it all. She isnt thinking clearly at all. This stage could last for years as we all should know,

and by then so many things could have happened to her that she may never be the same, she may never be happy

like she once was. I have talked to Kristine a few times recently, she is continuing to let poeple abuse her

because she knows no different. Anyone who has ever called me friend has back stabbed me. Except Kristine,

but after all ive done wrong to her, shes afraid to get close to me. What I would give for that happiness I had

knowing she would be there to meet me before school every single day. That is happiness. The way I see things is

Kristine only knows me as a monster, but im completely different now, I am a Jesus freak now. Im hoping she will

see the difference in me and be curious about it. If that ever happens awwman I may wet myself... MT for a short

while wanted to know. But the word had things she didnt want to hear, and her *friends* were telling her what

she did want to hear.

What pains me the most of all is that all of this pain, while not caused by God directly, all of this pain

is his will. I pray and pray but he will not lighten the load, I pray and pray but he will not give me peace. I

have packed all of MT's thigs into 3 bags, 1 school bag, 1 big brown bag and 1 playstation carry case. I have left

a message on her machine because she refuses to answer me... I will be away this weekend and this way she can pick

her stuff up and not even having to see me... well, when I get back and its gone.. I dont know. Whats in the bags..

A few stuffed animals she gave me to sleep with when she wasnt around, I dont want them. they Just remind me of her

lies. A bunch of Cards she wrote to me full of her lies and false promises.... A couple necklaces she made me wear..

I didnt mind wearing them because she wanted me to, but she can have them so she can maker her new boyfriend wear

them or whatever.... Also a bunch of her clothes, mostly super short shorts the kind that when she sits, you can

check out her.... yeah. Sickens me really, thats the only thing I asked of her ya know. Just keep your sex private.

I never asked anything else of her but that... I never tried to control her or had all kinds of demands, Just keep

your sex to yourself. Well, everything she has said is flat out lies, why? She tells me she hanst been happy with me

for a long long time, and just a week before that she was crying because we didnt see eachother for a day. One of the

two is a Lie.

MT refuses to have any contact with me, but she wants her

stuff back, her and her stupid junk. Anyway, I tried calling her a billion times to ask her what does she want and

how can I get it to her, but of course she will not answer. Instead she sent her friend over. Someone I know from

long ago, one of my ex girlfriends who cheated on me with 3 different poeple... Anyway the girl came over and said

"MT sent me for her stuff" So I brought her out back to show her the three bags. They included, MT's clothing, the

teddy bears she gave me and the letters and cards of lying love. I say lying because in all of them she spoke of

needing me and wanting to be with me for her life, but she tells me by mouth that she has been unhappy for months.

Unhappy for months... I dont know which is the lie... Well also in there were all of our ticket stubs and reciepts

for dinners. And my Big Sword which she gave me. Im really mad with her. She had some tough times with her insanity

and brother but I stuck with her through all of it, but as soon as the edges get a little rough o my end, she scrams

with a nice "F you." Well, the girl she sent managed to lug all 3 bags to her, Still no call from MT though. I dont know

how to explain it right, because poeple always come up with all kinds of problems that didnt exist. I did everything

Mt ever asked, I didnt accuse or mistrust her. I gave all of my money to her, brought her out to dinner... umm..

Walked to meet her after school every day... The only thing I ever asked of her was to not wear provokative clothing.

But since i moved in with my dad and our sex is restricted she decides to leave... It just couldnt be worse really.

Well.. THe girl she sent i know for over 5 years ago. This girl is pretty nasty. She has cheated on me with everyone

else, has cheated on everyone she has been with. And has done many sexual things with her dogs. And this is who MT

affiliates herself with now. Everyhting is just going downhill. She is surrounded by nothing but sin. and I am

miserable and alone.



,Raymon of the Keefe,

A servant of Christ.
 

rizz

New Member
waaah. its a good job he hasnt contacted me cos i cant read that all in one go..
 

LionOfJudah

Member, Dreamcast Fishing Guru
i have.

He has said he has accepted Jesus, but from his early life there was no change. he excepts anything basicly as truth as long as it comes from Joe. He hasnt been baptized, i dont know maybe Joe or he do not feel its needed, but Jesus did it, and in the book of ACTS it is always repent and be baptized, not repent and believe.




also angel can you possible change your color the purple is hard to read ona back ground.
 

LITSAFALDA

Prayer Angel, Moderator
POUTS but I LOVE purple. And I know for something that long I guess I should change it for you. Are you sure he hasn't been baptised?
I've not asked but not sure if he hasn't. BTW I was baptised as a baby and I think LoJ you would probably disagree with that but I see no reason for needing to be baptised again. Blessings,"Angel"
 

LionOfJudah

Member, Dreamcast Fishing Guru
i just have scripture backing that is all.

As a baby did you understand why you needed to be baptized? i was baptized when i was 8 i still ask my self if i truely comprehended what i was doing. i dont think i need to be rebatpized though.

from all his writings he has never mentioned it. as far as it being the key to heaven, its truely up to God, i just see no reason for not doing it, i mean Jesus did, He cant be that bad of an example to follow.
 

LITSAFALDA

Prayer Angel, Moderator
Smiles just wondering your take. We do have a two year class we attend in 7th and 8th grade that gives us a better foundation etc on our beliefs. We also do not turn adults who have never been baptised away.
Blessings,"Angel"
 

rizz

New Member
he just posted in forums saying he wont come back and basically spouting a load of crap out CGA.. This is bad form and i dont appreciate it. If you guys want to continue to work on him then please do so but i dont want him back on our boards.
 

LITSAFALDA

Prayer Angel, Moderator
Rizz it hit me that way at first too. We have to remember that we are called to be servants of God and that we need to love unconditionally. Trust me it has been very difficult for me to be the way I should be with him. He is quite lost even though he has found Jesus and it will take a lot of time and understanding and patience on our part. I would say he lashed out at the whole because some have lashed out at him both privately and publicly. I have not spoken to him about this and probably won't until I get back from my trip which is more then a week. Please for the love of your lord try to find a bit of compassion and try to reach out to him if in only prayer. God works in His time and His way I truly believe this. We as the people the young ones look up to need to be able to show greater compassion and love then the rest. It is part of the reason I stopped answering DV. IMO until God takes his logic away if even for a day he is not gonna hear the real message in the Bible even though he can debate it all day long. We need to keep praying for God's guidance and love in these areas and see what happens. Again guys this is just my opinion, but it comes from the heart. I wil see you the !9th.
Blessings, "Angel"
 
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