having a good attitude about church

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soozun

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I struggle with feeling like I don't want to go to church. I've only been attending church for the past 5 years or so, since I first started to believe in Jesus. I had a radical conversion from someone who was totally opposed to Christianity to being completely in love with Jesus. At first, it was really easy to go to church. But after years of attending one church, I have become really disillusioned with the church experience. I find the relationships with other believers to be very superficial, the leadership decisions to be kinda strange or incomprehensible, and I also have problems with feeling like I can't concentrate on worshipping God when they are playing worship music. I've been troubled for about 3 years with all these things. I've also not been able to attend any Bible studies at all due to schedule conflicts. It seems like whenever they have a Bible study, it's at a time when I can't go. I used to love Bible study, so this has been really sad and alienating for me. I'm just really unhappy at my church. And it sucks because it's not a bad church.

Most people would just change their church. I don't think most people would have stuck it out for so long as I have. But I have to stay there because my husband likes the church and doesn't want to try going somewhere else. I feel like even though I am unhappy, there has to be some kind of blessing in following my husband where he wants to go. But it is really hard. I just want to somehow change my attitude so that I can be more content. I have tried praying about it for quite some time now. (I have been going there 5 years and have been unhappy for at least 3 years).

I'm starting to wonder if I should just be frank and talk to other people about my feelings. But I guess I worry that I will be divisive or be a complainer. It really sucks to be alone in this.
 

Durruck

Pirate!
Firstly, understand that your relationship with God isn't a 90-minute exercise 1 day a week. It's a constant flow between you two. If the church's timing on Bible Studies isn't working out for you, perhaps asking them for the materials and doing just a family-study would be a good start. Maybe ask them about hosting/co-hosting one that would work better for your schedule. My church is always looking for more families to run a small group study. I'm guessing your church would be thrilled to have another one as well.

You are in a tough spot, that's for certain. I understand your dilemma about changing churches because of your husband. But I would talk to him about it. My wife is leery because we attend a church that is affiliated with a "mega church" (~4,000 weekly attendance), but we go to a smaller, remote campus that only has 300 weekly across 3 services). We've had our discussions with little resolution. I've been completely unimpressed with other churches that we've visited. So trust me, I feel your pain.

Perhaps something you could try is you going to check out other churches while he stays at your current church. If you get the vibe that you don't fit at one you're trying out, move on. If you really feel like a church you're visiting could be "the one", then ask him to come along. My wife & I don't always attend services together due to work, etc. It feels weird at first, but you do move past that.
 

Atown

Christian Gamers Alliance Amazon Store Manager
Staff member
I struggle with feeling like I don't want to go to church. I've only been attending church for the past 5 years or so, since I first started to believe in Jesus. I had a radical conversion from someone who was totally opposed to Christianity to being completely in love with Jesus. At first, it was really easy to go to church. But after years of attending one church, I have become really disillusioned with the church experience. I find the relationships with other believers to be very superficial, the leadership decisions to be kinda strange or incomprehensible, and I also have problems with feeling like I can't concentrate on worshipping God when they are playing worship music. I've been troubled for about 3 years with all these things. I've also not been able to attend any Bible studies at all due to schedule conflicts. It seems like whenever they have a Bible study, it's at a time when I can't go. I used to love Bible study, so this has been really sad and alienating for me. I'm just really unhappy at my church. And it sucks because it's not a bad church.

Most people would just change their church. I don't think most people would have stuck it out for so long as I have. But I have to stay there because my husband likes the church and doesn't want to try going somewhere else. I feel like even though I am unhappy, there has to be some kind of blessing in following my husband where he wants to go. But it is really hard. I just want to somehow change my attitude so that I can be more content. I have tried praying about it for quite some time now. (I have been going there 5 years and have been unhappy for at least 3 years).

I'm starting to wonder if I should just be frank and talk to other people about my feelings. But I guess I worry that I will be divisive or be a complainer. It really sucks to be alone in this.
honestly i had the same thing happen (except it wasnt my husband but my parents. thankfully i do not have a husband because that would be a sin and very awkward) and honestly the best thing is to be frank. over time of being frank noone listened to me or eventually issues my parents brought up so we stopped going. the bible studies i still attended because those people were still ok but everything else just didt work. the biggest thing is to just pray and see what God leads you to do.
 

dorkelf

Active Member
At first, it was really easy to go to church. But after years of attending one church, I have become really disillusioned with the church experience. I find the relationships with other believers to be very superficial, the leadership decisions to be kinda strange or incomprehensible, and I also have problems with feeling like I can't concentrate on worshipping God when they are playing worship music.
In the previous church to which Dea and I belonged, our pastor always admonished us about our pride in our congregation or in him, saying 'there is no perfect Church - if there was, I wouldn't be eligible to join it' and 'do NOT put your trust in me. I will fail you almost every time.' I know now that God was also putting these words on the pastor's own heart because of his susceptibility to putting his trust in someone else. That someone else turned out to be our new music minister, Keith, a guy who came in with a guitar and keyboard to update our style of worship. He had been instructed to work with us, so we were invited on one single occasion to 'try to play with him.' But he was truly a 'one man band' and he only did his own thing, made no effort to adjust what he was doing, payed no attention to what we did. That same week I was given notice that I would no longer be needed as a pianist, and the pastor (previous assurances now forgotten) backed up this move. Dea and I struggled with what to do after that. If we had stayed, we would had witnessed Keith's resignation three months later, and the pastor's a year after that. But we left for another church, a large and vibrant church with much the same spirit of friendliness and unity. A church where sin lurks behind friendly smiles - where we are now divided over worship styles and overextended financially, to the point that we now have no music minister (much less an orchestral director) and can't afford one any time soon. Our once-vibrant orchestra is dwindling, much to the joy of some who want a purely contemporary style. Our pastor rarely speaks to my heart in his sermons and it is usually painfully difficult for me to focus on what he's saying. But there is also a lot of good too. We have a fantastic Bible study leader, a great Arts Academy, and a music ministry that has been producing remarkably good music through a purely volunteer effort. Whatever is good truly comes from God, and wherever God is at work I want to be involved, directly and in person. I hope Soozun that God will keep that spirit in your own heart as well and strengthen you to endure those who hide venom behind their smiles and friendly handshakes.

Paul
 

soozun

New Member
I want to thank all of you for taking the time to reply and share your thoughts. I want to talk more on this subject later. But just wanted to take a moment to say I am grateful to have been heard and to also to know that I am not alone in having a struggle on this side of heaven.
 
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