Does the topic of sex have a stigma attached to it?

inkelis

New Member
First off, I'd like to say i love sex. I have a very active sex life, and i'm constantly researching ways to make it more interesting between me and my wife.

With that being said, i understand why some individuals remain abstinent. But part of me thinks that most individuals may do it for the wrong reasons.

Let me explain. I grew up a pentecostal, and in my house there was sort of a negative vibe associated with "Sex". I was taught since being a kid that it is something i should not do, and if i did, then it was wrong. It was always referred to in a disgusting tone, as if no one even wanted to talk about it. Almost as if it was an evil act. Sure, i also heard it was fine in marriage. But i was never taught about the great thing "Sex" is. Are we so untrusting of our kids that we teach them that "Sex" is terrible just to prevent them from partaking before marriage.

I love sex, and i love talking about it. I just wish it was more socially acceptable among other Christians. What are your thoughts? Is this the proper forum for this?
 
Hmm...my parents never talked to me about it...at all...lol...

I love sex too... :)

I honestly have no issue talking about it...but yes...I do feel as if talking about it is frowned upon among Christians...and I wish it wasn't...

But I do believe there is a line when talking about it... I would rather not know what you and your wife did last night :eek: ...but I think you know what I mean...
 
There is so much perversion and lust associated with the topic of "sex" that it's hard to find it in its pureness... in the way that God gave it as a gift to us.

I'm remaining abstinent until marriage and only a few years ago did I confront and defeat a pornography addiction... because of things like porn though, I do believe that sex has a negative connotation.

Obviously it can't be entirely bad because we need to reproduce, but I do take the bible seriously when it says that you become one flesh. I don't believe it's something to take lightly and just like anything in the world, can easily be corrupted and skewed to harbor sin within it. If someone, who's even married, gets addicted to sex, that IS a problem. The addiction part that is. Getting into marriage, and speaking from someone w/o a lot of experience, it requires balance, just like everything in life. Sex should be done in moderation, just as you shouldn't over eat or drink too much "wine".

I don't know if that went anywhere. As for talking about sex, I try to make sure if I'm doing so, it's in an appropriate manner and place, but I enjoy discussing just about anything that has a "philosophical overtone" :D
 
Rofl! Your opening sentence cracks me up.

Anyway, I thin it depends on your background.

I was always taught that sex is natural and will happen at the right time. Even in high school I was taught all of the in's and outs about sex... even proper condom usage.
 
Sex has it's proper time and place, as all things under heaven, and should be enjoyed within marriage however the stigma associated with it is appropriate given the circumstances. The fact is the secular world, devoid of reason to resist the flesh, is obsessed with sex. In the world it's the culmination of any depicted romance, the means to sell products and what men are shown wanting above all. All of which are wrong on some level. Sex shouldn't be painted as a bad thing becuase it's not but it is a severally abused and misused thing. With so many ways to go wrong with it and so many people, not to mention your own body, pushing you to do it having a little stigma is most certainly not a bad thing. Maybe you did have excessive amounts of stigma I don't know but you still love sex and hopefully didn't do it outside of marriage so at least some part of the stigma did what it was supposed to right?

Personally I don't want to be reminded it exists I get enough reminders in the world I can't avoid. I'm fine with a mature discussion about it and I'm sure it's great in marriage. I do think in any discussion of it one has to be put emphasis that sex is one of the great things in marriage not the defining principle that makes marriage great. Without that it sounds like you are saying to all the people who can't have it because they aren't married "sex is SOOOOO GREAT!!! but you shouldn't have it " >.> . I would stress it is great becuase it is in marriage, I.E. a loving committed relationship makes it great, not just becuase sex is great by itself.
 
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I think there needs to be a bit of discretion when discussing the topic. Not because sex is bad, but because married people need to be mindful of their single brothers and sisters. When I was single and married (or non-married but active) people would discuss how much they LOVED sex and how great it was it would drive me crazy because I was waiting till marriage. Married Christians need to be careful not to stumble single Christians.

That being said, there is a definite stigma attached to anything relating to sex in the church. As my pastor and one of the elders explained to me - you can have a group for alcoholism and a group for gambling addiction in the church, but try to set up a group for porn addiction or sex addiction and it won't get off the ground. Which is really sad because of the sheer number of men (single and married) which are trapped in these behaviors.
 
I think there needs to be a bit of discretion when discussing the topic. Not because sex is bad, but because married people need to be mindful of their single brothers and sisters. When I was single and married (or non-married but active) people would discuss how much they LOVED sex and how great it was it would drive me crazy because I was waiting till marriage. Married Christians need to be careful not to stumble single Christians.

This makes alot of sense to me. I wonder if the bible talks specifically about this, does anyone know any verses?
 
1 Cor 8:

9Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. 10For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol's temple, won't he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols? 11So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. 12When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. 13Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall.

Paul is specifically talking about meat sacrificed to idols and false gods, but the same concept applies from verse 9 for other stumbling blocks.
 
Sex definitely needs talked about, among adults and especially with their children. As the old saying goes...someone will teach your kids about sex. Will it be their friends (usually competing to see who has the most), some member of the opposite sex (probably 3 years older), or will it be you?

I think there are certainly some boundaries on a public forum like this, especially with younger unmarried folks. We could always create a more private forum if need be, but I think there are a lot of things that need talked about that unmarrieds/teens need to hear.

I'd say the biggest is how to avoid sex and stay pure. The answer to that one is - stay far, far away from it. If you decide to yourself "well sex is definitely wrong, but everything else is on the table", you're asking for big trouble. Doing everything but "sex" (as some disagree exactly where that line is) with with a girlfriend/boyfriend virtually guarantees you will slip up and have sex. At the very least you will end up with a lot of lust.

Marriage is built on being best friends, teammates. Sex does not add to that; it is a product of that. So there is really no reason at all for any level of intimacy pre-marriage, because it doesn't improve a relationship. In a lot of cases, it distracts from it because it fools people into what they think is "love", but is simply lust or a need for belonging.

That being said, there is a definite stigma attached to anything relating to sex in the church.

Well, of course there is...people should probably be doing that in the privacy of their own home. :)
 
I think there needs to be a bit of discretion when discussing the topic. Not because sex is bad, but because married people need to be mindful of their single brothers and sisters. When I was single and married (or non-married but active) people would discuss how much they LOVED sex and how great it was it would drive me crazy because I was waiting till marriage. Married Christians need to be careful not to stumble single Christians.

That being said, there is a definite stigma attached to anything relating to sex in the church. As my pastor and one of the elders explained to me - you can have a group for alcoholism and a group for gambling addiction in the church, but try to set up a group for porn addiction or sex addiction and it won't get off the ground. Which is really sad because of the sheer number of men (single and married) which are trapped in these behaviors.

Both of these statements are full of win and may probably need a sticky. :)
 
I preface this with this statement - my family is not normal

background
growing up in a Christian home, sex was a common topic. My parents wanted to make sure that they were the one who talked with us about sex. They wanted to create an atmosphere where we (the kids) could talk with them about any problem we were having - sex included. My parents were so adamant about sharing, that they even would bring up topics while friends were over. (and lots of awkward conversations ensued). although, now I can still talk with my folks about any problem.

now, that being said, I think something is lost in the Christian community having a taboo on sex talk.
to the ears of teens growing up, it seems that non-Christians have the best sex. And, Christians only get a small part of the whole picture.

This may sounds odd, but...
I think Christians need to teach that, we (Christians) have the best and most fulfilling sex lives because we do it in the context that God provides. God, being the inventor of sex, knows how to have the best sex (that being in the context of marriage, with the two becoming one flesh - in mind, body, and spirit).
in a marriage, the two can have the most sex and the best sex that the marriage body wants


EDIT : and being a single guy, it doesn't really bother me. It just reminds me of the amazing promises God has for my future. But, as Paul says, we shouldn't cause a weaker brother or sister to betray their conscience.
 
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I preface this with this statement - my family is not normal

background
growing up in a Christian home, sex was a common topic. My parents wanted to make sure that they were the one who talked with us about sex. They wanted to create an atmosphere where we (the kids) could talk with them about any problem we were having - sex included. My parents were so adamant about sharing, that they even would bring up topics while friends were over. (and lots of awkward conversations ensued). although, now I can still talk with my folks about any problem.

now, that being said, I think something is lost in the Christian community having a taboo on sex talk.
to the ears of teens growing up, it seems that non-Christians have the best sex. And, Christians only get a small part of the whole picture.

This may sounds odd, but...
I think Christians need to teach that, we (Christians) have the best and most fulfilling sex lives because we do it in the context that God provides. God, being the inventor of sex, knows how to have the best sex (that being in the context of marriage, with the two becoming one flesh - in mind, body, and spirit).
in a marriage, the two can have the most sex and the best sex that the marriage body wants


EDIT : and being a single guy, it doesn't really bother me. It just reminds me of the amazing promises God has for my future. But, as Paul says, we shouldn't cause a weaker brother or sister to betray their conscience.

Being a friend of Glitch IRL, Dear Lord it was awkward. His mom would drive us places and all of a sudden talk about the carrying capacity of a condom or just other sex talks..... I miss their family terribly >.>

For me my house never discussed it. it was pretty much Mom:"did your dad ever talk to you about private things" Me:"yup" - later on - Dad"Did your mom ever talk to you.... about you know things down under?" Me: "yup" . in reality neither ever did but it was awkward with my parents so im very thankful for glitches parents and i wish my church and family had talked more about it, but more in a sense within the sanctity of marriage and how special that is, and i think if anything that would have saved me from making some mistakes.

That being said, yes there is a huge stigma about it and i think it needs to be addressed in the manner of how precious of a gift it is from God within the cherishment and sanctity of marriage. To openly speak of it but with an heir of reverence ya know?

And the thing about sex addicts small groups or porn or whatever, we need to change the way we approach these things because its not just our society, its been a problem and something that has been prevalent for thousands of years. if we are to reach everyone, become true disciples and outreach to others, we as a church community need to meet those needs.
 
Oddly enough, I've tried to bring up the topic with my youth group... they basically cover their ears and start humming loudly. It seems that their parents have beat me to the punch, and the kids have already shut down to Biblical-based discussions on love, abstinence, sex, and marriage :(
 
Oddly enough, I've tried to bring up the topic with my youth group... they basically cover their ears and start humming loudly. It seems that their parents have beat me to the punch, and the kids have already shut down to Biblical-based discussions on love, abstinence, sex, and marriage :(

Have you asked them why? Sure, it's awkward, but the worst thing for them to shut that out. It could be one of the most important topics they ever discuss, ESPECIALLY at this age. Maybe they'd be more open to splitting into gender groups or something like that.
 
They've said it just feels to weird since they already get it at home, at school, and on the bus... none of them were receptive to even spliting into gender groups. Other thing that makes it difficult is neither of the female co-teachers want to take on a girls-only group, but are willing to have me do all the teaching with them in the room as my witness (but then nobody's teaching the boys that week... it just gets complicated because of a lack of staff.
 
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