being bisexual

[ISI]Brickbro

New Member
So my gf is transgender and so she is not taking medication to become male and so im not bisexual and dont want to loose him and he has been a big influence in my life and I dont know how to talk to my parents about it or anybody in person. <I need help>
 

The Mighty Gerbil

Tribe of Judah TF 2 Chapter Leader & CGA Admin
Staff member
I want to take the time to think and make a prayerful response so it might be a bit before I reply Brick (two hours sleep today XD). Just know I am thinking and praying for you and her. First thoughts are consideration of the other thread https://www.cgalliance.org/forums/threads/prayer-for-my-girlfriend-kati.51885/ . Things like that can certainly mess you up :/ .

Also an FYI to those who may read this Brick is a regular on our TF2 game night not just some stranger.
 
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[ISI]Brickbro

New Member
I want to take the time to think and make a prayerful response so it might be a bit before I reply Brick (two hours sleep today XD). Just know I am thinking and praying for you and her. First thoughts are consideration of the other thread https://www.cgalliance.org/forums/threads/prayer-for-my-girlfriend-kati.51885/ . Things like that can certainly mess you up :/ .

Also an FYI to those who may read this Brick is a regular on our TF2 game night not just some stranger.


it is hard because without him I would have been in a dark place or probably killed my self so I don't want to lose him

and thank you for letting me know it just the tf2 people and being here for me
 

Rev. Lighthouse

New Member
Hi Brickbro, I understand that you are in a relationship with a girl who desires to be male but is not taking the necessary hormones to become male. I don't need to know the details but you refer to this individual as "she" and "he" so I would understand she is biologically female. I don't know if she dresses like a guy or whether surgery has taken place but I can tell you that in the eyes of God, no matter what changes she chooses to make to her body, she will always remain female because you cannot change a person's DNA. I understand the feelings you have for this individual are real and I don't mean to cause hurt at all. I don't know whether you are a Christian, but I do believe that God makes His position on this kind of situation pretty clear. We are not meant to try to change what He has created and we are not meant to engage in sexual acts outside of the confines of a Biblical marriage between one man and one woman. It sounds to me as though you could benefit from some solid Christian counselling on this for a number of reasons: 1) Define whether your attraction to this person is because she is trying to become male which leads into the second question which is: 2) Are you bisexual or homosexual (if you are attracted to someone becoming male). The following questions could then be answered: 3) Do you prefer a tomboy-type girl, 4) Is this relationship healthy for you, 5) Does God honor this relationship, and 6) What do you really gain from the relationship. Overall, to me, it seems as though you are confused about the relationship but you also value that which you have built with this person. I can assure you that good friends and solid relationships are a gift from God and something you should embrace. Having said that, I also feel your pain and confusion and wonder whether you are afraid of repercussions in speaking with your parents about the matter. I think you need to speak with them. Also, as an aside but something I feel is important to remember ... If you are engaging in sexual relations with someone and you are not yet an adult, I encourage you to cease that activity immediately. If she is still female and you are both not properly protected, you could end up with a baby on the way and that would cause much more difficulty in your life. I hope this helps you. Please know you are being prayed for. :)
 
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The Mighty Gerbil

Tribe of Judah TF 2 Chapter Leader & CGA Admin
Staff member
It took some time to write this. I hope it's is received with the caring regards it is intended but understand it is not caring to hide the truth from anyone. To stand idle, saying nothing, while someone drives off a cliff is neither caring or Christian. Further responses to you may not be prompt but I will respond Brickbro.

First off if there was a direct quote in the Bible about transsexualism I would use it as we are to seek God's will not our own. However as the Bible cannot cover every contrivance of sin to get around the rules (seriously there are people who want to marry trees) one must discern God's intent from verses on other sexual matters that cover it generally. References can be found against homosexuality in both new and old testaments Leviticus 18 & 20, Corinthians 6:9-10 as well as adultery Exodus 20:14, fornication 1 Corinthians 6:18 and more if you want to look it up. Ask why these things are wrong, what you should be doing, and why people do what they do. One should also seek guidance through prayer, discourse with other Christians, and well logic. God did not create the world abstractly nor give law without reason. There is a plan and purpose for everyone that sin and self will try to obfuscate if you let it. Many today say they are Christian but then follow the world in action "Be not conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Romans 12:2 . Discard self and pursue the truth in Christ.

To begin an argument for transsexualism often made is that they are really X gender in their head but sex is not an abstract concept like the world now wants you to believe. It serves a physical purpose namely procreation. Everything from sexual attraction, to behavior patterns, to physical appearance, to marriage, to (specifically) romantic love exist to serve the purpose of having, raising children and passing on your values to them Proverbs 22:6. There are also parallels, parables and analogies with human relationships to our relationship with God but that is another subject.

The world wants people to believe that sex, both the act and state, exist primarily for happiness. This is not a new trick, compare for example gluttony. Food can be good but when your primary reason for eating is happiness, not living, you get fat because you are no longer eating to live but anytime you want to be happy. Likewise if you are anorexic you refuse to eat because vanity or social acceptance matters more to you than living. Sin functions the same regardless of what it is. It's too much, too little, at the wrong time, wrong place or with the wrong person. If there is a time and a place for everything under Heaven (Ecclesiastes 3) sin cannot be a creation unto itself. It is an act outside of God's timing or intent and there are always consequences. Some consequences come back to you while others are avoided by passing them to another. So we drown each other in a sin filled world. Why should a man feel compelled to be there for his children if they are told, continually, that men are not needed. That there is nothing a man can offer that a woman, or a woman with shots and cosmetic surgery, cannot. Result men don't stay. If one is told success is measured solely by your career, not children, they don't stay. If told sex is solely for fun, not children, they don't stay. So the primary method of passing on our values, our families, fall apart.

Men and women are different, a shocking and unpopular belief today I know :p , and bound by these differences to certain abilities and strengths. Hormone injections and cosmetic surgery does not give you the ability to bare children but it might take it away leaving you an amputee never to be whole again. This world now proclaims you male or female based solely on your proclamation while saying this behavior and desire are immutable. The idea invalidates any treatment through psychology, any hope of a sinner to change and the very concept of free will. Yet, hypocritically, populist people still call the pedophile or man who thinks he is a duck sick (at least for now). Ask how is it these desires are mental illnesses to be treated but not the other? I still remember it was not always so. To these new "learned" people logic only applies when they want it usually when social acceptance, dollar signs and accolades are applicable. I've also seen the medical profession "care" for my parents. To pretend that they are any different, any less sinful, than other people simply isn't true. I'm sorry hate reality but it remains reality you cannot change your physical sex and denying it will only cause more pain.

There are those with Klinefelter syndrome but those are males and often have infertility and health issues. It's not that physical deformities and mental illnesses do not occur but that logic defining what you are has been superseded to personal desire. That mental illnesses are now accepted as normal instead of being treated hurts so many lost and desperate people. If you cannot naturally procreate there is a problem plain and simple. Just like food, water, and air are necessary to continue a species so is procreation. What then defines a man and woman? I would say chromosmes, genitalia and the ability to either fertilize an egg or become pregnant come long before behavior. A description of biological sex once described on Bill Nye only to be retroactively replaced by a video of comparing gender to ice cream flavors.

What of those who cannot naturally have children? To those who cannot by medical problems we pity and have scores of fertility clinics. It is rightly viewed as something to be cured but how can we pity or help if we deny it being a problem? Supporting homosexuality or in this case sex change surgery removes the ability to have children. With directly conflicting ideas only one may be good or "normal" (conflicting ideas can both be wrong but I digress). To the old married couple who lose the ability in age we pity but still exalt them as serving examples of what marriage should be. They are being as normal as their biology allows. Even without children a marriage can be a role model for men and women who will have children but not if there is no man and woman. We should be helping each other be as functional as we can not lopping off and gutting bits. To be what God intended. Instead the world redefines normal to suit it's desires willfully forgetting there are reasons as to why we did things (actually was a gay show called the New Normal). There is no place to call your own if everyone can do everything. If there are no trials, sacrifices or giving up things of value how can love be shown? So people wander lost, without purpose or meaning, with a God shaped hole in their lives.
 
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The Mighty Gerbil

Tribe of Judah TF 2 Chapter Leader & CGA Admin
Staff member
Part two:

What of those who have surrogates or those who adopt? These things are fixes for people who are broken but one does not break people to have them. Who wants to rely on strangers, a doctor and surrogate, to dictate if you may have children? Who makes orphans or says it is good to be an orphan? Is it not better that a child's natural parents love them as intended? In the past a bond of blood was wrongly everything (see Henry VIII) but now people make it as nothing when the truth is it is something and something important. It is easier for a parent to dismiss a child who is not theirs if the emotion dies but blood remains even in hate. Sadly marriage, emotions and memories can all be dismissed but in blood a man and woman are forever physically bound together in a child literally made of them. To those who have lost a spouse to see that child is to see a living part of who you once loved, it is not without significance. I don't doubt the love between an adopted child and parent. What the world has broken, God can make whole, but who can look in a mirror and not see their biological parents? On Earth something always remains, a scar from a sinful imperfect world, which is only removed in Heaven.

Now in regard to her specifically. You seem to have known her for a while so I'd assume her transsexual desire is either relatively new or was at least not dominate when you began dating. Perhaps it was a back and forth chicken and egg deal building over time but the effect is the same. I was on a scrim team once with a bisexual. On his Steam page he had "I started pretending to be bisexual in school to be cool and then it turned out I actually was" (note those aren't the exact words but the substance of it). Clearly some in the LGBTQ community are influenced not only by sexual desire but desire for acceptance and support. Considering her depression this may be the case. Accepting everything and denying the consequences isn't a foundation that can last, consequences just don't go away regardless of how many steps and people you put between you and them. Christ took our consequences, our sins, and died from them. Avoid it, deny it, yell so you can't hear it but the truth is these people have a God shaped hole in their hearts which can only be filled by Christ. Perhaps if you can get her more involved in a Christian group, church or better yet a Christian support group for this and her depression it may help. One that is supportive of her being what she is, and not him, but it's a delicate situation. Accept the sinner, but not the sin, is often seen as rejecting the sinner. Sadly it's far easier for people to go where people tell them what they want to hear not what they need to hear.

What about happiness then? The truth is you simply won't always be happy in this life. Three times Paul prayed that a thorn in the flesh would be taken from him. It was not. My mother has been sick for two decades. I will never have a harem of women :p . There are some things we simply won't or should not have. Yet if we focus only on the things we cannot have we risk losing or destroying the good things God has given us. Does your girlfriend have any desire to have children? Yet if she goes down this path she will never have children of her own. Who will be there when she is old? No comfort will come then when you sit alone forgotten. When we live we hope to change the world with our faith in Christ but it is our children we raise with such care hoping they will do what we could not.

What about acceptance by people? I believe women struggle with this more than men but social acceptance is not a thing Christians should strive for. Doing right by God always comes first and we all stand alone before Him in the end accountable for ourselves not others. In humility I will look to others to see if I am wrong but if they can give no answer to my questions the masses do not make something right. If we sincerely believe there is a Heaven and Hell a person's salvation takes precedence above any fear of social rejection. Yes we must choose our words with kindness, love and patience but we cannot stay silent or worse fall into being complicit with sin and say we care. Why are you friends because you care about them or because you want them to care about you? Selfish people who only like you because you condone whatever they want, regardless of consequences, aren't friends and aren't worth failing God.

This trial you are enduring is part of being Christian Brickbro, possibly the most important. Only when our faith in Christ is tested do we know we believe Him. Salvation is by faith, not works, but faith should compel us to action.

Matthew 7:21-23
“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’

To either go with the world for temporal "happiness" passing consequences around or do what is right by God is always the choice. Let her know you care about her but that you cannot go with her if she chooses this path. What would be the reason even? If you aren't intending her as a prospect for marriage, then physical relationship, and children (in order please TY) you can basically do everything else without being married. Yes marriage has a specific romantic kind of love but how would anyone tell the difference between roommate friends, or siblings who love each other unless there are actions (words are actions too) which define that state. Perhaps she will always suffer with this temptation, perhaps her mind will change, I earnestly pray she finds strength in God not people. Regardless do not believe those saying she has no choice in her actions. On Earth we will always be burdened with some temptation but it is our choice to act on it. To believe otherwise is to say we have no free will or are not accountable to God for our actions. That we fail and suffer gives meaning and value to when we choose correctly. Choose correctly do what is right by God before doing what you think will make you happy.

As to suicide. Believe me I understand what it's like to want to give up, when you are good for nothing and fail at everything, but there are things in life you cannot or should not have. When I've thought of suicide it wasn't a condemnation to Hell that stopped me but that I don't want to stand before God and say I gave up. That I rejected His plan and purpose for me. I have sinned too much to expect a "well done my good and faithful one" but to be told I didn't even try, no, I couldn't take that. I hope and pray for a "you tried very hard". In the beginning we fear God for his wrath but as we come to know His love we fear disappointing our Father Proverbs 1:7 . I remember how children hold their breath if they don't get what they want. Thoughts of suicide are more nuanced and deep than that. One often just wants everything to go away. I take both of you and thoughts of suicide very, very, seriously but to God we are children and us wanting something doesn't make it right. It goes to the heart of what and who we should be pursuing first in our lives. A tough pill to swallow I know but not as tough as standing before God to explain why you are there. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind Brickbro it is for Him we live, or if called to die, not for ourselves. I know it's hard but have faith and hope in Him.

I hope I wasn't too rambling or cruel Brick. Christ and the body of Christ should be our comfort and support group but we also reprove each other. Doing both in the earnest pursuit of God's will. That's what it means for iron to sharpen iron the very tag you wear. If you want to talk more or privately that's fine and I can try to get with you but know while I am not without thought my experience in the world is little. It's really time to seek a professional Christian, emphasis Christian, counselor or psychiatrist. If you don't know one talk to your Pastor. Just be wary of those with easy answers. Talk to them alone first and then with her if you can get her to. Too often Christians succumb to secular pluralism allowing everything to get people in the pews in what amounts to a belief in nothing. There can be no salvation without sin. No victory without temptation. Any belief without a right and wrong path, without consequences, is pointless since it will happen regardless of what you do.

Lots of tough choices and work ahead of you Brickbro. I'll pray for you, her and that my words were received in the helpful spirit intended. I'd miss your death threats on Steam if it wasn't :/ (to bystanders here it's threats to kill me in TF2 not real life). 10+ hour post Gerbil needs a break now XD .
 
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