cc.slim
Moderator
I am closing in on an ending to a story I'm writing, and I would much like a Thumbs up to pass on as worthy of submission to an editor. My wife snuck a peek on this chapter and approved. I place it before you for advice and encouragement.
Black smoke could be seen highlighted by the full moon rising up above the tops of stores. Kris and I ran side by side as the smile on her face, effects of the moonlight, profiled her in such a way that she could have been mistaken for an angel. None the less, the smile was contagious because I was smiling as big as that moon in the sky.
We turned the corner to see the back of the pool hall billowing out black smoke and the silhouettes of two people standing in the middle of the street. Drawing closer the people emerged as an old man and old woman.
The woman turns toward our footsteps and asks “has any one called the fire department?”
Kris replies out of breath, “I did just a moment ago.”
“Good thing sweetie,” I overheard the old woman say as Kris start to describe the guy showing up at the soda shop.
I saw one car out in front of the pool hall, so I asked the old man standing beside me “Has anyone come out of the building?”
The man answers “Nope, nobody has gone in or out for ten minutes anyway.”
I look at Kris, smile and then out of the blue, jolted, as if lightning struck, causing me to react to her promptly when she crossed her arms and began rubbing them. I quickly slid off my jacket and covered her shoulders with it. She seemed to snuggle right into it as she said “Thank you Nathan.”
Getting all nervous just standing there I jogged over closer to the pool hall and back, not feeling good about the car still there.
“Kris, I am going to peek in a window and make sure nobody is in there!” I said as I turned back around.
“Be careful Nathan,” she said attractively in the moonlight.
I shake my head back and forth aggressively to shake my head clear of the feelings I was having. I surmise that I should just acknowledge the fact that I could fall for this girl.
I move closer to look into the window of the car in front of the pool hall as smoke began puffing out the front door.
“Empty” I say out loud and walked to the front door of the pool hall and placed my hand on the door. “Still cool,” I proclaim over my shoulder. I squatted down low and pushed against the door with my foot, and it swung open easily belching, a large amount of smoke. I yelled into the building “If any one is in here to holler out”. I waited for a few seconds with no results. I let the door fall back as I rise and look back at Kris whom has moved away from the old couple to directly across the street. I say to her “Kris the place is still unlocked so I am going to make a quick run through and make sure no one is hurt”.
“I don't suppose so Nathan!” was her instant reply adding the shaking no of the head.
“Kris, I wouldn't feel right with myself if I was this close and someone was still in there hurt. I will stay low against this wall and come right back the same way I went in”.
“Please don't be a hero Nathan, your not bullet proof and listen, sirens,” she pleaded.
“Not a hero Kris! Those sirens are still pretty far off from the sound of them,” I say before ignoring her other comment and grabbed a rock from the curb. I open the door and wedged the door open with the rock. I moved in low noticing dim lighting from the lights above the pool tables but the dark smoke kept them dim. "I'm glad for high ceilings at this moment," I say to myself as I moved along the wall towards the back.
“Hello” I yelled. “Anybody here” I shouted seeing flames for the first time shooting out of the back stockroom door.
“Hello” I yelled as I kicked open a bathroom door. “Empty,” I say out loud.
As I got closer to the back the smoke got thicker, so I stayed low and found the back counter where you buy drinks and cigarettes. I rose and could see flames burning the back wall, so I yelled again and no reply. I glance around and noticed behind the counter had the makings of a big fight or something had just taken place because there was broken glass every where, cigarettes scattered over the floor and a broken mirror on the same wall as the back room. I yell again as I slipped over the counter crunching glass under feet and squatted even lower and moved to look into the back room. The sound of the fire grew louder as I got closer, and I promise myself just a peek, and I will cut and run as I slowly looked around the corner I see a man's foot. “Oh crap,” I say to myself as I slid closer to find the man face down. At that moment a huge chunk of plaster fell off the back wall sending flame and smoke right at us. I quickly grabbed the foot and drug him through the doorway gasping for air, feeling the flame singing my tee-shirt on my back. I pull him over in a corner and looked at him closer. I have seen the skinny guy before working here when I came over with Paul, but I don't know his name. The back of his head had a huge gash that slowly oozed blood, and as I turned him over on his back, I noticed his face was all beat up. I grabbed his wrist and felt a pulse and when I held my ear close, I could hear his breath. “Sorry buddy!” I said as I heaved him up on the counter with a thump. I jumped over the counter and landed on a broken pool cue that rolled under my feet causing me to lose balance and to reach out to catch myself. My eyes were burning from the smoke and the flames were growing faster as it found more fuel to consume. I could faintly see the doorway out the front as I grabbed the guy and slung him over my shoulders. I smile, acknowledging that this fellow is light as a feather. As I stayed close to the wall my foot kicked a pool ball laying on the floor sending it pinging across broken glass and into a bashed up juke box. Suddenly, a gush of air pulled in through the open front door giving me a clear view of the opening and then as quick as I saw the opening a deafening explosion from behind pushed me and the unconscious man to floor. With my ears ringing, I grabbed his foot again and quickly started dragging him to the door only to be met by two firefighters spraying water on us both. A firefighter grabbed the man I was dragging and finished pulling him out of the building as the other one shouted at me to get out now. My knees went to the ground immediately upon exiting from the burning building with my lungs filling with fresh air causing me to cough uncontrollably.
As I coughed up black soot, I felt a hand on my back and through teary eyes I saw that it was Kris asking “Are you ok?”
“Yes.” I replied between coughs. “I am fine but he isn't!” I said pointing at the man being addressed by a fireman while the fire truck sprayed water on the now engulfed building. I rose up cold from the water spray as a firefighter grabbed me by the arm and drug me to the fire truck explaining that he had to check me out. I had no energy left in me to start a fuss so as he started checking me, he began asking me what I saw inside.
“The place was pretty broken up,” I answered “Almost like there was a barroom brawl.
That man was in the very back and when I went in it was the only place on fire.
He was out cold then, and” I hesitated to ask “is he going to live” as he draped a blanket over my shoulders and replies “You're going to be fine, and yes, he should
We turned the corner to see the back of the pool hall billowing out black smoke and the silhouettes of two people standing in the middle of the street. Drawing closer the people emerged as an old man and old woman.
The woman turns toward our footsteps and asks “has any one called the fire department?”
Kris replies out of breath, “I did just a moment ago.”
“Good thing sweetie,” I overheard the old woman say as Kris start to describe the guy showing up at the soda shop.
I saw one car out in front of the pool hall, so I asked the old man standing beside me “Has anyone come out of the building?”
The man answers “Nope, nobody has gone in or out for ten minutes anyway.”
I look at Kris, smile and then out of the blue, jolted, as if lightning struck, causing me to react to her promptly when she crossed her arms and began rubbing them. I quickly slid off my jacket and covered her shoulders with it. She seemed to snuggle right into it as she said “Thank you Nathan.”
Getting all nervous just standing there I jogged over closer to the pool hall and back, not feeling good about the car still there.
“Kris, I am going to peek in a window and make sure nobody is in there!” I said as I turned back around.
“Be careful Nathan,” she said attractively in the moonlight.
I shake my head back and forth aggressively to shake my head clear of the feelings I was having. I surmise that I should just acknowledge the fact that I could fall for this girl.
I move closer to look into the window of the car in front of the pool hall as smoke began puffing out the front door.
“Empty” I say out loud and walked to the front door of the pool hall and placed my hand on the door. “Still cool,” I proclaim over my shoulder. I squatted down low and pushed against the door with my foot, and it swung open easily belching, a large amount of smoke. I yelled into the building “If any one is in here to holler out”. I waited for a few seconds with no results. I let the door fall back as I rise and look back at Kris whom has moved away from the old couple to directly across the street. I say to her “Kris the place is still unlocked so I am going to make a quick run through and make sure no one is hurt”.
“I don't suppose so Nathan!” was her instant reply adding the shaking no of the head.
“Kris, I wouldn't feel right with myself if I was this close and someone was still in there hurt. I will stay low against this wall and come right back the same way I went in”.
“Please don't be a hero Nathan, your not bullet proof and listen, sirens,” she pleaded.
“Not a hero Kris! Those sirens are still pretty far off from the sound of them,” I say before ignoring her other comment and grabbed a rock from the curb. I open the door and wedged the door open with the rock. I moved in low noticing dim lighting from the lights above the pool tables but the dark smoke kept them dim. "I'm glad for high ceilings at this moment," I say to myself as I moved along the wall towards the back.
“Hello” I yelled. “Anybody here” I shouted seeing flames for the first time shooting out of the back stockroom door.
“Hello” I yelled as I kicked open a bathroom door. “Empty,” I say out loud.
As I got closer to the back the smoke got thicker, so I stayed low and found the back counter where you buy drinks and cigarettes. I rose and could see flames burning the back wall, so I yelled again and no reply. I glance around and noticed behind the counter had the makings of a big fight or something had just taken place because there was broken glass every where, cigarettes scattered over the floor and a broken mirror on the same wall as the back room. I yell again as I slipped over the counter crunching glass under feet and squatted even lower and moved to look into the back room. The sound of the fire grew louder as I got closer, and I promise myself just a peek, and I will cut and run as I slowly looked around the corner I see a man's foot. “Oh crap,” I say to myself as I slid closer to find the man face down. At that moment a huge chunk of plaster fell off the back wall sending flame and smoke right at us. I quickly grabbed the foot and drug him through the doorway gasping for air, feeling the flame singing my tee-shirt on my back. I pull him over in a corner and looked at him closer. I have seen the skinny guy before working here when I came over with Paul, but I don't know his name. The back of his head had a huge gash that slowly oozed blood, and as I turned him over on his back, I noticed his face was all beat up. I grabbed his wrist and felt a pulse and when I held my ear close, I could hear his breath. “Sorry buddy!” I said as I heaved him up on the counter with a thump. I jumped over the counter and landed on a broken pool cue that rolled under my feet causing me to lose balance and to reach out to catch myself. My eyes were burning from the smoke and the flames were growing faster as it found more fuel to consume. I could faintly see the doorway out the front as I grabbed the guy and slung him over my shoulders. I smile, acknowledging that this fellow is light as a feather. As I stayed close to the wall my foot kicked a pool ball laying on the floor sending it pinging across broken glass and into a bashed up juke box. Suddenly, a gush of air pulled in through the open front door giving me a clear view of the opening and then as quick as I saw the opening a deafening explosion from behind pushed me and the unconscious man to floor. With my ears ringing, I grabbed his foot again and quickly started dragging him to the door only to be met by two firefighters spraying water on us both. A firefighter grabbed the man I was dragging and finished pulling him out of the building as the other one shouted at me to get out now. My knees went to the ground immediately upon exiting from the burning building with my lungs filling with fresh air causing me to cough uncontrollably.
As I coughed up black soot, I felt a hand on my back and through teary eyes I saw that it was Kris asking “Are you ok?”
“Yes.” I replied between coughs. “I am fine but he isn't!” I said pointing at the man being addressed by a fireman while the fire truck sprayed water on the now engulfed building. I rose up cold from the water spray as a firefighter grabbed me by the arm and drug me to the fire truck explaining that he had to check me out. I had no energy left in me to start a fuss so as he started checking me, he began asking me what I saw inside.
“The place was pretty broken up,” I answered “Almost like there was a barroom brawl.
That man was in the very back and when I went in it was the only place on fire.
He was out cold then, and” I hesitated to ask “is he going to live” as he draped a blanket over my shoulders and replies “You're going to be fine, and yes, he should