Chapter Challenge! A week at the ranch.

cc.slim

cc.slim

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Sorry lappy croaked and I am limited on time and cpu availability but I will begin.
I am Tarturus Sindle. Straw boss for the HT brand in southwest Kansas and this is my ledger.
It has been seven days since Friday eve December 14 2012 when the land shook and rippled as ocean waves followed by a nonstop rain drenching the land. I am entrenched in the bunkhouse alone because it was payday and the hands went to town and have not returned. I am without any connection to the outside world. No electricity and my cell phone can’t find signal nor does my satellite television or radio. I am worried that something major has incurred changing the way things were.
 
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Day two
The rain has stopped long enough to see stars tonight and I can't make out any constellations. I sloshed around the homestead checking on the solar panals that is used for a backup supply and they look in great shape. The windmill that supplies my water still is operational and shows no sign of damage due to the land shifting. The day before all hell broke loose we rounded up all the spinging heifers and herded them closer to the ranch and they are doing fine. I found a old ham radio in the attic and am excited to connect it up and give it try.
 
Day three
Yes sir, that's what I am telling you. We found one of our weather satellites. No sir, no contact with any bases. Yes sir, a ham radio from a cowboy near Dodge City, Kansas. Yes sir, the information the satellite is giving us confirms that it was a land shift and not the terrorists emt's and sir,the latitude and longitude it's giving us is near the equator were South America used to be. I don't know sir, the cloud cover is pretty thick over most of the U.S. and not allowing us to see. Yes sir, our six natural gas wells are showing full capacity with very little damage to the flex lines. Yes sir ,as soon as the weather permits Sir!
 
... well the challenge was made for weekly entries but change doesn't hurt xD

This sounds interesting already with only a handful of entries to go by :3
The opening of various stories from very limited perspectives tells me that you're setting up for huge suspense, and I'm sure you'll pick up all the threads and tie them together somehow later, which makes it exciting!

I did, however, notice a little misspelling and a few places where I think you need commas or some other revision...
Here's some help:

Kansas and this is my ledger.
Insert a comma after Kansas (", and" is used to join two dependent clauses).

since Friday eve December 14 2012 when the land shook
Insert a comma after 14 (dates use commas between the month (and/or day) and the year), and a comma after 2012 (adverbial clauses such as "when the land shook" are set off by commas).

followed by a nonstop rain drenching the land.
I'm not entirely sure what to do with this, but "followed by" is currently being used without a subject (although you seem to be attempting to modify shook and rippled, even though they're verbs)... All I know to suggest is "which was followed by" or "that was followed by."
In any case, "drenching" should be "that drenched".

the hands went to town and have not returned.
The use of "and" implies that the events following "and" were sort of expected or followed in a logical sequence, however, you are explaining an event that doesn't usually fit (I doubt that farm hands going to town and not returning is perfectly normal here ;) ), so you should probably instead use "but."

No electricity and my cell phone can’t find signal nor does my satellite television or radio.
Other than the fact that this is a fragment (you can keep it if you like... this seems to be sort of a journal and I doubt that everyone in the world other than me keeps a journal with 100% sentences and no fragments...), you definately need a comma before your "and." More importantly your satellite television and radio need to "do," not "does," as the combination of the two makes a plural subject for "does." There are a variety of options for "nor," but its current state is not really one of them... It either needs a comma before it, or for more dramatic purposes, a period to make two fragments in a row (bwahaha! Suspense achieved through incorrect grammar!).
By the way, if you realize you have no electricity... then I don't think you would check your TV and radio for signals unless they happen to be battery operated, since they won't turn on... Make sure you specify to avoid holes in logic!

I am worried that something major has incurred changing the way things were.
Incurrences and occurrences are not the same... Major somethings actually "occur," contrarily to your use of "incur." ;)
 
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Your second day of utter desolation makes the story progress nicely, and readers begin to feel a bit worried here as well... I don't think many people will survive this unless they leave all the lights on in their house to assure themselves that they still have electricity and aren't being flooded off the face of the Earth :3
Sorry if I seem a bit happy-go-lucky and exaggerative, but it's hard for someone who is obsessed with good grammar but hates doing more work than necessary to not make his self-induced work become constructive play xD (and don't take anything in here as sarcasm, please, I really am trying to help but at the same time enjoy doing it. Some of my little comments might seem a bit sarcastic, but I assure you they aren't).

Anyway, on with some minor corrections (oh boy x_x)

see stars tonight and I can't make out any constellations.
I <3 this sentence thoroughly, but I suggest revising your and for a reason listed in my previous post (about expectation or logic). I think this sets a great picture of total flipping over of the world as we know it, and all that emotion is packed into one, simple, soon to be more grammatically correct sentence :3

I sloshed around the homestead checking on the solar panals
Good word choice with sloshed! However your solar panels might work better if spelled correctly... On second thought, they might not work anyway, seeing as the ground shifted and floods rampaged across the farm... Oh well.

that is used for a backup supply and they look in great shape.
This part needs work (although I'm happy to see that your solar panels are working fine... even though they're useless at night xD). The panels are plural, so "is" should be "are." The "and" needs a comma before it, and I think you need an infinitive be verb to go with your looking in great shapedness (insert "to be" between "look" and "in"). However, I think "look" is odd in that sentence because the solar panels don't look; they appear or seem... Keep in mind that this is optional, because Americans (especially mid-western folks) have basically adopted that as an idiom (like "fixin' to" in Texas).

spinging heifers
I don't know what "spinging" means... but I think you spelled heifers right.

closer to the ranch and they are doing fine.
Perhaps "so" should replace "and," because "so" is a cause and effect conjunction, whereas "and" is more of a linking conjunction...

I found a old ham radio in the attic and am excited to connect it up and give it try.
Great place to cut off and move to the next section xD
 
Exciting! You change perspectives on day 3! I like this presentation of a puzzle that makes you dig for each and every piece (like the recent movie Vantage Point, which I enjoyed for the same reason)! It's also apparent that you don't want us understanding the other side of this (which seems to be a phonecall from a higher officer of the military to the character here). If you've ever read Pedro Paramo, you'll know that you're employing almost the exact same technique Rulfo uses, the apparent lack of a timeline and confusing segments of multiple stories, to add excitement and suspense. Lol: "where South America used to be." Wow :p.

This one I don't have much to say about, but some things I feel like I should point out are very general to this section, and I won't show it line by line...

Your "sir" should be set off by commas on both sides, unless you prefer "yes sir" to be like one word (I have seen it as "yessir," but if you use it that way I would have to wring your neck because that irritates me for reasons I don't really understand). Also, your last sir should follow suit with the others (lower case first letter), unless you capitalize them all. The "sir" prior to this has a comma that's been shifted over 1 space to the right from where it belongs, a simple typo that you must have overlooked :p

"terrorists emt's"
"Terrorists" is both plural and possessive, and should be "terrorists'." As for your "emt's," I don't know what they are, but I think it's an acronym that should be in all-caps...(?)

Yes sir, that's what I am telling you. We found one of our weather satellites. No sir, no contact with any bases. Yes sir, a ham radio from a cowboy near Dodge City, Kansas. Yes sir, the information the satellite is giving us confirms that it was a land shift and not the terrorists emt's and sir,the latitude and longitude it's giving us is near the equator were South America used to be. I don't know sir, the cloud cover is pretty thick over most of the U.S. and not allowing us to see. Yes sir, our six natural gas wells are showing full capacity with very little damage to the flex lines. Yes sir ,as soon as the weather permits Sir!
Click to expand...
 
Day four :D Title Misnomer; Singed wing butterfly, rubbed raw, and served rare! hehehe
"So what did he say" asks a man intently focused on the computer monitor.
"Bullshit!" the tired looking naval officer answered before sitting down heavily in to a chair "I knew he would say that."
"That's the bird's data and I can't change that" the man defensively replies before pushing back away from the monitor and swiveling around to face the officer.
"He is stuck on the idea that Terrorist's EMT's caused all this." the officer sighs and asks "Tom what exactly is a EMT and why would that cause all this" adding hand wave around.
"Electromagnetic transmission. What the Terrorists had done, by the way extremely clever, was change the hertz of our electricity by transmitting low power electromagnetism to power grids burning everything that used current thus creating massive blackouts causing all power plants, nuclear and coal, to shut down. But that in itself wouldn't explain the shut down of all self sufficient bases like this or the movement of our satellites. Only a deep continent core shift could explain this" The man explained before placing his head in his hands. He squints up and then hides his eyes and says "Billions of people wiped out, gone in a blink of an eye."
 
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